New Here and trying

[Booklvr]

Hello

I need to get some support to help me conquer this demon. Wine wine wine....Chardonay is my drug of choice and once I start there is no off switch! I have had at least one or two drinks every day since 1980. THAT IS THE MINIMUM.... Even if I am really sick I am going to have a drink....That wine starts calling to me, "Here I am here I am..... I start thinking in the morning only 8 more hours and I can have a drink.

I do try to slow down and will be okay for awhile. However, things are getting worse - typically I black out every night and this has been going on for two or three years. Ordered the book and supps not the topo yet. Any advice? I hate myself.

Thank you

[shirazgirl]

Good job on looking for support. Wine is my frenemy also. It's the only drink that calls to me. It's the only drink I don't have an "off" switch for. It's the only drink where I truly can make a fool out of myself and I fear for my own safety because I black out. I have said some and done some of the most innaproriate things drinking wine. Wine usually results in me losing control, guilt and self loathing. So why is it so hard to give up? I have been "wine" free for two months. At first, I didn't know what to do with myself at night. What was I going to hold in my hand when I "relaxed" and watched TV? How was I going to go to sleep without that warm fuzzy buzz? Well, not easy at first. Sleep was hard to come by and I had to take a different route home from work so I didn't stop at the liquor store. It's getting a bit easier though.
I DONT miss waking up and feeling like crap. I don't miss waking up and having to look through my phone to see who I called the night before and wondering what I said to them. I don't miss driving to work and hating myself. I don't miss looking over in my bed in the morning and see that my fiance' is sleeping in another room because I was mean to him.
Seems the benefits are finally starting to present themself. If you look at a lot of these stories, many women are affected by wine and it's secret allure. Just try, and if you fail, just try again...keep checking in on the boards. Good luck to you!

[Booklvr]

Thanks so much! I have been reading these posts and it does seem like there are others out there much like myself. Waking up and trying to remember what I did last night is the worst. Realizing that I neither brushed my teeth or washed my face is pretty yucky also. The extra 15 wine pounds isn't great either.

I don't know how I will cope with the night. Every time I try to do this I can't sleep I can't calm myself. I really don't know what to do withmyself at night.

Do you use the topomax?

[sharon1]

hi, i can so relate. wine is also my drug of choice and i have done some pretty inappropriate things while drunk! i have been taking the kudzu and havent had a drink for nearly two weeks now (and i am an old hand at this sobriety thing)! good luck to you, this web site has been a real support to me and to you i hope - sharon

[livingfree]

Booklvr - since I Know you are a book lover - you will read the MWO book in one sitting. I read it about 3 times. I hung on to everyword. Start the supplements asap and the CDs' also They really really make a difference. As far as the topa - see your DR. Some here use it - some don't. I used it after 6 weeks of being off alcohol for a 7 week period. It was just enough to buy me some time. I am not on it now and am on day 101 Alcohol Free - but who's counting!! IM COUNTING DAMN IT - WITH MY COMPETITIVE SPIRIT - IT HELPS ME MOVE TO THE NEXT ONE!!!!!

I wish you loads of blessings. I think reading - posting helps a great deal. Read and Post!
Liv

[readytotry]

Dear Booklvr,
I totally empathize with you. With me, it's always the Chardonnay. I have walked to the neighborhood grocery store to buy a bottle, even though I was trying not to have any in the house. There's bourbon and scotch and vodka and gin here, but I am only tempted by the wine.
Speaking of books, sometimes I get books on tape and listen to them while I do household chores or gardening. I also put on the earphones and listen to books sometimes at night when my eyes are tired. They often put me right to sleep and my husband doesn't mind as long as he can't hear the reading.
It's 30 minutes past the witching hour of 6pm and I have already eaten and am reading posts and trying to figure out whether to get the starter kit or just the book or what. The posts really, really help. Hugs to you and hang in there. I finished off the 1.5 liter bottle last night and so there's no more white wine in the house and I pray it stays that way. An out of town visitor called us and asked if we could get together with her for a drink or two this weekend. I told her that cocktails weren't going to work out (no explanation) and asked her to come over for coffee or tea and she was just fine with that. Whew...narrow escape. We don't have to go out until Sunday night and my big challenge is to not get started with that initial glass of wine.
If we all pull for each other, we can make it.

[Booklvr]

Thanks all of you! I didn't have a glass of wine tonight - you are right it REALLY is not having that first glass. I wonder why chard gets me like nothing else? Is it high in sugar? It also has a dramatically different effect on me that other al. I actually was hung over all day so it isn't that hard not to have a glass tonight. Tomorrow will be the real test. I was doing well Monday and Tuesday but yesterday had 5 glasses of vino.

We went out for dinner and had 3 glasses of wine....Then H went out and bought a bottle on the ride home. We then polished that off. Not a good idea! I don't remember the end of last night. But that is nothing new - unfortunately.

[Palatia]

Hi book, shiraz and ready!!

Wine seems to be a HUGE downfall for many here... it prob would have been mine but I coudln't afford it lol..

WTG Ready on setting the ground rules for your visit. I started here last month but I'm still protecting myself from those kinds of situations... good for you!

[greenhouse1]

Hi Booklvr....try taking meletonin about 30 minutes before bed. It really helps me sleep like a baby. Good luck!

[Bandit]

Hi Booklver,
I know I am a bit late to your thread but just wanted to wish you good luck from another white wine lover and book lover. Nothing else tempts me as much as chardonnay except maybe a nice red with a big juicy steak!
I joined here just a month ago and was doing well enough until a week ago - had 6 AF days in a row and then just went on a binge last Friday - started drinking wine in the afternoon watching a movie with the kids, didn't really eat, and was fairly well on by the time my husband got in from work. Woke up with a thumping headache and hangover next day and then had to go to a kids birthday party with about 20 of them running around screaming!. I begged my husband to take my place but he said it was my punishment!
Stayed off booze again until Wednesday just gone and for some reason binged again - probably cause it was a beautiful day and sat out in garden plus my husband was away for the night. Fell asleep on my daughter's bed after putting kids to bed and woke up at 3am - had not even locked the doors of the house or anything. Also, I reckon my next door neighbour copped that I had had a bit to drink when she called at the door earlier in the evening so NEVER AGAIN
I have now promised myself that I will not drink wine during the week, only at weekends and even then only after the kids are in bed and AFTER some dinner. If I really feel like a drink during the week or during the day, like at a weekend BBQ, I will stick to a beer as this just does not effect me in the same way at all.
I am really going to try and stick to this and give myself one more chance, otherwise it will have to be to give up for good.

Anyway, just wanted to wish you the best and keep in touch on the books you are reading!
Bandit