Newbie

[Chelle12]

Found this place the other week. Just managed to pluck up courage to register and share my story.
Im 34, and have a teenage son whom I adore, and have recently met the man of my dreams...yet I cant seem to stop my drinking habit.
Ive been a single mother for ten years... I'll spare you all the sob story, but have been through a LOT since I was molested at the age of 14.

My fiance is the most kindest, understanding man ever, but I still feel the need to drink. I think it's to 'perk me up' so I can appear happy when he comes home.

He doesnt know I still drink.
I went to a hypnotherapist, because my dream is to be tee-total and a non-smoker by the time I walk down the aisle next summer...
It didnt go well at all.
Im drinking more and more and more.

Im hiding bottles of wine around the house... in the laundry, in cupboards, in drawers.. and I feel so helpless.
My housework is getting neglected, my dogs are getting neglected because Im too off my head to take them for walks.
Im currently getting through two and a half bottles of wine every night.

This forum is keeping me sane.
Im so sorry about how pathetic I must sound.
I just needed to say this.

Chelle.
*Currenty on a second bottle of wine, at 4.45pm and feeling lower than an earth worm*

[Dolly Sunshine]

First of all it doesn't sound pathetic it sounds like most of us. We are alcoholics we would never have found this place if we weren't. Try drinking water with the wine. One glass wine, one glass water. I was the best sneak in the world...I found stuff I hid months after I quit. It steals your self esteem. Let's face it. If it were something we felt ok doing we wouldn't have to hide it. You are not alone. We all have horror stories to share.

At my worst I actually drank vanilla extract just so I could stop shaking enough to go get more vodka. Am I proud of it? Nope but I try not to dwell on it or I will start drinking again as an excuse to get past the guilt and regret. You can do it. We all have it in us it's just easier at times to give in.

Good luck and welcome...you CAN be the bride you want to be.

[Seacailin]

Welcome Chelle
You are no more pathetic than the rest of us. It was disgusting how many bottles I had hidden around the house. I would lock myself in my bedroom and just drink until I passed out thinking my grown children wouldn't know, Duh! It is a very tough battle. I have to keep it an hour at a time right now. I have to constantly remember what I allow it to take away from me. Congrats on your upcoming marriage. Hang in there and stay close by.

[Thankful]

Chelle ~ welcome. Congrats on your choice to get yourself some help. You will find a great deal of inspiration and support here.

First of, please do your best to rid yourself of the negative thinking. The more alcoholics put themselves down, the more self loathing and self pity we have. And then we reach for the bottle to drown our sorrows. Please work on stopping this way of thinking as soon as you can. It's a vicious circle that we have all been in. If you learn to feel better mentally about yourself, you automatically want to feel better physically (and therefore cutting back on AL may be a little easier at that point). But this is only my opinion. You know deep down inside what is right for you.

This has nothing to do with being a mom, or getting married. Although these are wonderful motivations for you, just keep in mind that you deserve to be healthy and happy no matter what. And you can do this for you!

Please read as many posts as possible. You never know when that one line or statement from someone is just going to make something "click" in your mind.

When you can, try to set a realistic plan for yourself. Wanting to quit is not enough. You must put a plan into action. Many here like to recommend that you start with the book from here. You can download it instantly (only $13.00) and it is an easy, quick read. It explains the whole program and the supplements. The book along with this public forum of exchanging ideas and information is an amazing way to find your own way out.

Best of luck to you. We are here for you.

Love, Me

[Chelle12]

Thank you so much for your replies. It's such a comfort to know that other people are going through/have been through the same thing.
Before this site, I felt very much alone, and now I feel like I actually have somewhere to go and to belong to.

[louise]

Welcome Chelle, There are so many stories here like yours. You are not alone and you will get a lot of support here. You too can do this.

[Evie.Lou]

to me you sound like a wise woman who is putting a plan of recover together...you can do this,we can help....lol

[4theboyz]

Welcome Chelle,

This is all *my* own opinion here...

Some call it liquid courage they can get from booze but when you cross that line to dependency on booze, *I* call it liquid stupidity.

BTW, he knows, your kid probably knows as well. Since I went sober I can smell booze on someones breath across the room. The worst offenders are the ones sucking on Altoids with 5x's the cologn they need.

When you drink, your mood changes, you might get silly, you might get relaxed and comfortable, you then might get lazy and finally, stupid. Now I'm not saying you or anyone else is stupid as in dumb or lacking intelligence, it's just that once you take a sip, AL just takes over and short circuits any brain cells you have that allow you to say just one or I won't drink. Once this becomes habit, you are simply no longer capable of actually doing much about stopping the process.

What's worse is when you try and justify and rationalize it all out because in the end, it is just wrong. In all reality there is nothing right, good or healthy about excess drinking. It not only affects you but those around you. Excess drinking is just not good, you know this otherwise you would not be here nor would any of us.

So stepping down from my soap box, please feel welcome as you are in great company and the people here do care. They helped me and it's now my turn to help you. Just ask.

4tb