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    #1

    High performer at work, life and drinking...

    I visited this site a few months ago, bought the supplements and said I would quit drinking but there was always a tomorrow until two days ago...

    I'm scared.. I'm 45, in a high level position at work, am highly regarded, am funny and loved (except by myself). I love Jesus so much he is the lord of my life so how can I admit that I'm an alcoholic? My brother (recovering) and my Dad are alcoholics, I would never be that and besides I really only drink wine these days. I don't go out to bars really anymore but instead I sit home and drink a bottle or two every night of red wine by myself while my husband sits upstairs and smokes pot... It's a great marriage. I have gained nearly 50 lbs the past year, I look and feel like shit but I still get up every day go to work, kick ass at work and earn a substantial income but I can't keep doing this to myself, I'm miserable.

    Recently I've been really foggy and drinking pretty close to two bottles a night, I feel like I stutter sometimes and can't think of words when I'm working. Also the other day (I know this is gross) but my stool was whitish and I looked that up and it said that could be signs of Alcohol Hepatitis, that is the last straw! I hope. I'm scared. I've been drinking since I was 14 and I'm now 45, drinking has always meant fun times for me, an outlet, a way to hide my insecurities, etc... It's ranged from all different levels throughout my life, I've dabbled in drugs throughout my years but have never had any ties to drugs other than the legal kind. The funny thing is that I can tell my friends, family or even my husband that I think I have a drinking problem and they all say "No, you're not an alcoholic, you just need to cut back" but they don't realize that come 3ish I start to get anxious to figure out which way I'm going to head home so I can stop by the store and pick up a couple of bottles of wine. I'm getting worse, I'm choosing drinking over the things I should be doing like going to see my horse, taking care of myself or even work.

    I'm a very social person and I don't want to be an alcoholic, I want to be able to drink in moderation. I enjoy tying one on with my girlfriends and cutting loose especially now that I live in FL near the beach which is a drinker paradise... I need to surround myself with positive like minded people and can use good tools and good advise. I started working out, I'm drinking lots of tea, think I'll go get me a caramel apple cider from starbucks tonight to help with the cravings of something. That is one of the things I'm feeling right now is I'm craving something, even a menthol cigarette and I don't smoke anymore but I feel like I need something.. why is that?
    Tags: None
    #2
    Welcome, you have found a wonderful place to help you get on the right track. Please check out the Newbie nest and join the Newbie nest roll call. It helps a lot of us to be accountable.
    I was you my friend.
    It took me years to commit to not drinking again, no matter what because that is the Only way I can control drinking.
    Now I am 5 months af and wondering why I didnt stop years ago?
    You will see how much easier life is when you are back in charge.
    You are doing the right thing to take control now and not wait for a big disaster.
    (AF since 17 May 2014) 2 years 5 months sober

    Comment

      #3
      Hi Free, you need to see a doctor with the symptoms you have. And although I'm not a doctor, if you do have alcoholic hepatitis, you probably shouldn't be even a moderate drinker. It doesn't matter you're drinking only wine. Alcohol is alcohol and damaging, no matter what form it takes. In Chapter 3 of AA's Big Book, "More About Alcoholism," it mentions specifically "drinking only beer or natural wines," as an ineffective method at controlling drinking. Furthermore, it suggests if you're in doubt as to whether you're an alcoholic or not, "Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition."

      Anyway, if you are anywhere close to Central Florida (Orlando area), I can provide you with the contact information of a top-notch addiction psychiatrist and therapist. Welcome, and best of luck to you.
      In the middle of my life's journey, I found myself in a dark wood, as I had lost the straight path. It is a difficult thing to speak about, how wild, harsh and impenetrable that wood is. Just thinking about it recreates the fear. It is scarcely less bitter than death, but in order to tell of the good that I found there, I must tell of the other things I saw there. --Dante, paraphrased

      Comment

        #4
        Hi, Free:

        I concur with Eloise -the only question I now ask myself is why not sooner. I had those same desires - to be a moderate drinker, to be "normal," but it wasn't in the cards for me. And now I am ok with that. I was the same - high functioning, great at my job, etc., and the alcoholism crept in so that at the end it was about the alcohol, not about the "fun."

        I hope you stick with us, and find some help locally, too. You can do this!

        Comment

          #5
          Hi FFM!

          first, how are you now?

          i hope you're doing fine.

          i'm sorry to hear about the problem you are dealing right now, but i second they said. You need to seek medical attention right now. I've been dealing alcohol problem right now, and can't find a way to get out of this problem.

          i wish all the luck for you!
          “There was a moment in my life when I really wanted to kill myself. And there was one other moment when I was close to that. . . . But even in my most jaded times, I had some hope.”

          Comment

            #6
            Hi FFM,
            I was in exactly your shoes last year. High power/stress job, well respected and drinking 1 - 2 bottles of red wine a night. I didn't start drinking until relatively late (in my 20s) but it got out of hand while I was writing my dissertation. Fast forward two years and what had once been an occasional pleasure had morphed into an obsession. By afternoon, I was thinking about the first sip. If I worked late, I had to take a break so that I could be sure to get to the wine shop before closing. I was deeply depressed, always either in or near tears while I drank. And I was starting to notice shaky hands, memory problems, fuzziness etc. but I was terrified of giving up my best friend. After a particularly wild night with an acquaintence--39 year old me stayed up until 6 am and consumed close to three bottles on my own-- I just knew I had to stop. And I did. I stopped one minute at a time and very soon I found that I didn't miss it! It's been 14 months. My life is far from perfect. But I feel much better than I did. I truly understand how you feel. I really do. If you need a friend with a similar story, email me here...
            Last edited by sulapeace; November 8, 2014, 10:52 PM.

            Comment

              #7
              Why going to FL Is UR drink paradise. Isn't that UR mind talking u into all the reasons it's ok to drink, by sabotaging the very thing u want to drink in moderation.

              Hanging with the same friends the mind is sabotaging UR goal. The mind of an alcoholic the cravings come into play before any other plans for the day. It's always the mind games .. Go to the tool box here,u will see a lot of good ways to achieve what u want.
              Last edited by SHADES_of_IDAHO; November 9, 2014, 07:51 PM.
              "Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. " by Winston Churchill .

              Comment

                #8
                Hi Free...how are you doing? I realize that you are new here; if you click on my name and read my posts, you will see that we have a lot in common.

                I understand your pressures. At one time I was drinking 1.5 bottles - sometimes 2 bottles a night. I wouldn't want to pop a new bottle open so then I'd switch to vodka cranberry. I was gaining a lot of weight and thinking that was fooling everyone.

                If you want support I'm here. Patty
                "God didn't give you the Strength to get back on your feet
                so that you can run back to the same thing that knocked you down."                 :hug:

                Comment

                  #9
                  Everything is possible if you really want to quit from it. We are always here for you.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Hi Free...

                    Your story sounds so much like mine.

                    The people who come here are a wonderful, supportive group. I've been here on-and-off for a few years*. One of the things I like about MWO is that I feel like no one judges anyone else, and truly cares. We all have our own version of the same problem.

                    I, too, am a high-achiever at work. Due to economy, life-choices, (including bad financial decisions on my part, etc.), really crappy bad luck, and a failing marriage, I am making one dollar less than I did in 1997.

                    I am 52. My father (deceased at 93) was an alcoholic. My oldest sister is at least a problem drinker. My oldest brother is an alcoholic, and "came back from the grave" (cardiac arrest) a few months ago, and is doing great. Next sister has "Borderline Personality Disorder", and is an alcoholic. Next brother is an alcoholic. And me, too. All of us suffer from chronic depression, some more than others.

                    I've gained lots of weight, too. And, last week, my boss at work told me: "Y'know, I don't know if I'm out of line here (and he was/he wasn't), but my Mom is an alcoholic. There's a certain "smell" that people have when they have been drinking." (I generally drink before work, unless I'm on the wagon.) He didn't go on much further, but he knew. And he has been a pretty good friend/boss of mine.

                    You have come to the right place, IMHO: and have spurred me on to write more about my situation on this new "Tell Us Your Story" forum. (So see there? YOU helped ME by sharing!)

                    Big Hugs to you, Sister.

                    *[edited to say FIVE years! Where has the time gone? Oh—I know exactly where] :exclaim:
                    Last edited by Nichau; February 7, 2015, 06:41 PM.
                    "The Pessimist complains about the wind; the Optimist expects it to change; the Realist adjusts the sails."

                    —William A. Ward

                    Comment

                      #11
                      It also took me a long time to finally admit my problem and I've been self-medicating myself but its not working. I think I need to learn some coping skills so I won't relapse again. I'm now considering attending a support group or seek therapies to treat my addiction. I lived in California and I found numerous drug rehab centers that might be useful in my recovery. I'm not giving up my life, I know there's a chance for me. Letting out my emotions makes me comfortable because everyone here makes me feel that I'm not alone.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Alex this is what i love about MWO and that is I am not alone and I am understood. A lot of normal drinkers just dont understand. Do whatever you think is right for you in this journey. I never thought i could give up al for 7 days let alone a year but it gets easier day by day. Check out the newbies nest there is lots of support in that thread and always someone around to help.
                        AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2022 - 9 years of freedom

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Ohh.. I'm gonna check that thread later. Thank you for your reply and advice, I appreciate it. hmm.. If you don't mind, can I hear your story? I've just got curious :happy2:

                          Comment

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