This is my first post to this forum, or any forum for that matter. I have been poking around the community for a year - loving hearing other people's stuff and relating to much of it, and I finally found the courage to put myself out to you all. Believe it or not, I am sweating bullets right now, feeling nervous, like I am taking a step further to really committing to this program.
My story...
I realized I had a drinking problem about 6 or 7 years ago and finally admitted it to myself (and my husband) about 3 years ago. The first thing I thought was I should go to AA, which I did for about 6 months off and on. I hated it! I didn't feel like I could relate to any of the people there and when I did the whole "my name is _____ and I am an alcoholic" I felt like a fraud. I was saying what I thought I was supposed to say, but I wasn't like any of them and I knew it. So I stopped going and went online looking for alternatives.
Why was I different? I only drink in the evenings or at social events. I never in my life have desired a drink in the morning, missed work or other any important event, drank and drove with my kids in the car, etc., etc. My problem was and is habitual evening cocktails - just love that winding down at the end of the day feeling that comes with a few drinks. I have never "progressed" to the hard core alcoholic stage and don't believe that I ever will. I just love to drink and unfortunately I have that if a little is good than more is better syndrome. I realized it was a problem when I tried to quit and couldn't.
Fast forward to my online search and my great excitement and relief to hear RJ's story. The book was just coming out and I ordered my copy ASAP! I read it and just couldn't believe it - this woman was me! And there was hope of moderation. I didn't do anything for about 6 months except contemplate when I would start the program. I finally ordered the starter kit and then waited another couple months to start. I was afraid of the meds, I am a holistic girl at heart and wanted to try and do it without drugs. I had some success with moderating after doing the whole program for about 3 months solid, but still didn't feel that I had it under control. The longest I went without drinking was 6 days and my goal has always been 30. Haven't reached that yet, but will never give up.
In the past year I have slacked on the program, but gotten therapy to work on the reasons why I abuse alcohol. I have finally gotten off my holistic high horse and am trying meds. My regular doc wouldn't help me out so I went the Psychiatric route and have tried Campral with no affect on cravings whatsoever, but got all the side effects. Last week I got a prescription for the Topa and am waiting for authorization from my insurance, but will pay for it if they don't. I am going back to the beginning and doing it RJ's way all the way!
It has been a long and bumpy road, however, I am more hopeful than ever and will keep trying till I find the right recipe for me. I am very grateful to Roberta for her story, courage and tenacity and for opening up this community for us all. I have loved reading all of your stuff and look forward to being a part of it on a more personal level.
Love & Light to all of you on this wild and wonderful journey!!!
My story...
I realized I had a drinking problem about 6 or 7 years ago and finally admitted it to myself (and my husband) about 3 years ago. The first thing I thought was I should go to AA, which I did for about 6 months off and on. I hated it! I didn't feel like I could relate to any of the people there and when I did the whole "my name is _____ and I am an alcoholic" I felt like a fraud. I was saying what I thought I was supposed to say, but I wasn't like any of them and I knew it. So I stopped going and went online looking for alternatives.
Why was I different? I only drink in the evenings or at social events. I never in my life have desired a drink in the morning, missed work or other any important event, drank and drove with my kids in the car, etc., etc. My problem was and is habitual evening cocktails - just love that winding down at the end of the day feeling that comes with a few drinks. I have never "progressed" to the hard core alcoholic stage and don't believe that I ever will. I just love to drink and unfortunately I have that if a little is good than more is better syndrome. I realized it was a problem when I tried to quit and couldn't.
Fast forward to my online search and my great excitement and relief to hear RJ's story. The book was just coming out and I ordered my copy ASAP! I read it and just couldn't believe it - this woman was me! And there was hope of moderation. I didn't do anything for about 6 months except contemplate when I would start the program. I finally ordered the starter kit and then waited another couple months to start. I was afraid of the meds, I am a holistic girl at heart and wanted to try and do it without drugs. I had some success with moderating after doing the whole program for about 3 months solid, but still didn't feel that I had it under control. The longest I went without drinking was 6 days and my goal has always been 30. Haven't reached that yet, but will never give up.
In the past year I have slacked on the program, but gotten therapy to work on the reasons why I abuse alcohol. I have finally gotten off my holistic high horse and am trying meds. My regular doc wouldn't help me out so I went the Psychiatric route and have tried Campral with no affect on cravings whatsoever, but got all the side effects. Last week I got a prescription for the Topa and am waiting for authorization from my insurance, but will pay for it if they don't. I am going back to the beginning and doing it RJ's way all the way!
It has been a long and bumpy road, however, I am more hopeful than ever and will keep trying till I find the right recipe for me. I am very grateful to Roberta for her story, courage and tenacity and for opening up this community for us all. I have loved reading all of your stuff and look forward to being a part of it on a more personal level.
Love & Light to all of you on this wild and wonderful journey!!!
Control the Mind
Comment