600 Days of xtexan:
All Right!! Now I?m getting somewhere!!
This is the good stuff. For all you out there wondering what it must feel like to be this far down the road, all I can say is ?FAN-F***ING-TASTIC!!? 600 days since I last had a drink.
After I came out of that last storm of fog and cruddy thinking, this last run of clarity and positive feelings has lasted a good long time. Been exercising like never before. Every day when I come home from work, I have the motivation and drive and desire. It is now becoming the new habit to be healthy.
I feel great. Arthritis pains have all but disappeared here lately. Credit the cardio, the weight lifting, the stretching, the improved diet, the supplements, and most of all, No GD BOOZE or cigarettes!! All the more, I see that the alky is poison and death to me.
Major strides in psychological improvement have been made. I actually have had many mornings where I wanted to wake up!! I reset my alarm clock here recently, to allow for a few minutes more of sleep. Why? Because during my boozing days, I got in the habit of slamming the snooze button three or four times. Now, all it takes is one time. That may seem like a small thing to most, but to me, after hitting the snooze button like that for a quarter of a century, this is a significant change reflecting a deeper transition.
This is the reward for hanging in there. This is the justification for the pain and suffering endured. This is what we dream of, that someday we can feel good without the booze in hand.
While those demons are still inside, ever lurking, ever waiting for the moment to pounce, I have new confidence. After this amount of time, the link between stress, anxiety, depression, and booze is finally beginning to weaken considerably. Many of you know that they all feed each other. Stress, anxiety, depression, and alcohol all are reinforcing the effect of each other. The more stress the more booze, the more booze the more stress, and so on. It is a vicious circle, which drives one to insanity. It?s a whirlpool that sucks us down into hell. After clawing, and screaming, and kicking, and fighting, the still waters now appear within my reach. God give me the strength to keep swimming towards them.
This may be a most dangerous time for my recovery. I have listened to others who have as much or more time, and the thinking starts, ?Well, I am finally free of that monkey on my back, so I can handle one drink now?. Keeping my guard up. I fantasize about being Eliot Ness, and smashing and machine-gunning rack after rack of those booze bottles that wasted so many hours of my past life. Destroy them all.
The predominate theme of my thinking recently, is this: Does booze in any way, shape, form, or fashion improve the quality of my life? I say that to my self slowly and deliberately. Does? booze?. in?any?. way?shape?form?or fashion?improve?the?. quality?of?MY LIFE? The answer is clear. NO.
Those who choose moderation, must feel that one, or two, or whatever does improve the quality of their lives overall. If so, more power to you. This is directed at those who know that the ultimate answer, is no, for themselves.
I have done this holistically, with no tranquilizers, no Campral, no Topa, no scrips from the doctor. Even now, I am reducing the use of certain supplements a bit at a time. My herbal anxiety agents, like Valerian, Kava, Passion Flower, L-theanine, GABA, phenibut, all are being used less and less as the days roll on. Used to have to swallow 2 or 3 dozen supplement capsules and pills just to make it through a Friday evening in one piece. Eventually, those things may only be used very rarely, for those times when things just seem overwhelming.
The AA method, which I only use as a benchmark reference, advises to address the core psychological issues of our dependencies. That has been the major mode of my operation for the last 12 months. This forum plays a big part in that. Just being able to share my success, as well as the tribulations has been a key part of this. I want others to be able to know that this CAN BE DONE. I must share the story. Your words of support and encouragement are no small part of this psychological healing.
Meditations, self-hypnosis, self-therapies, and other methods to understand who xtexan is, and why he drank must continue on. This is long term abstinence, and must be nurtured like a child just beginning to walk. That?s it. I am finally starting to walk now in the sober frame.
Blood pressure medication taken for that condition is no longer needed. Even better, headaches due to blood pressure spikes have disappeared along with the arthritis pains. This is the stuff that is worth the suffering and pain.
I have a new life just beginning to form, and it is so much better than the old one. All I can tell you is to FIGHT, and FIGHT, and FIGHT. Grab whatever you can to pummel the enemies face in. Above all, never give up on yourself.
I shall continue this work. A second wind, and the gears have been shifted. 1000 days of xtexan is now becoming a possibility on the horizon. Each day, everyday, I put effort into staying AF and sober. Even the days that I feel like it?s all behind me now, I will not let up. Work the program, and be flexible and open-minded. If something is not working, try something else. Anything. Even now, I am changing my diet to even further enhance my resolve and healing.
Many thanks to you all out there in MWO cyber land, and may you all find your own place of peace and contentment. I can almost feel it under my feet these days.
Neil
All Right!! Now I?m getting somewhere!!
This is the good stuff. For all you out there wondering what it must feel like to be this far down the road, all I can say is ?FAN-F***ING-TASTIC!!? 600 days since I last had a drink.
After I came out of that last storm of fog and cruddy thinking, this last run of clarity and positive feelings has lasted a good long time. Been exercising like never before. Every day when I come home from work, I have the motivation and drive and desire. It is now becoming the new habit to be healthy.
I feel great. Arthritis pains have all but disappeared here lately. Credit the cardio, the weight lifting, the stretching, the improved diet, the supplements, and most of all, No GD BOOZE or cigarettes!! All the more, I see that the alky is poison and death to me.
Major strides in psychological improvement have been made. I actually have had many mornings where I wanted to wake up!! I reset my alarm clock here recently, to allow for a few minutes more of sleep. Why? Because during my boozing days, I got in the habit of slamming the snooze button three or four times. Now, all it takes is one time. That may seem like a small thing to most, but to me, after hitting the snooze button like that for a quarter of a century, this is a significant change reflecting a deeper transition.
This is the reward for hanging in there. This is the justification for the pain and suffering endured. This is what we dream of, that someday we can feel good without the booze in hand.
While those demons are still inside, ever lurking, ever waiting for the moment to pounce, I have new confidence. After this amount of time, the link between stress, anxiety, depression, and booze is finally beginning to weaken considerably. Many of you know that they all feed each other. Stress, anxiety, depression, and alcohol all are reinforcing the effect of each other. The more stress the more booze, the more booze the more stress, and so on. It is a vicious circle, which drives one to insanity. It?s a whirlpool that sucks us down into hell. After clawing, and screaming, and kicking, and fighting, the still waters now appear within my reach. God give me the strength to keep swimming towards them.
This may be a most dangerous time for my recovery. I have listened to others who have as much or more time, and the thinking starts, ?Well, I am finally free of that monkey on my back, so I can handle one drink now?. Keeping my guard up. I fantasize about being Eliot Ness, and smashing and machine-gunning rack after rack of those booze bottles that wasted so many hours of my past life. Destroy them all.
The predominate theme of my thinking recently, is this: Does booze in any way, shape, form, or fashion improve the quality of my life? I say that to my self slowly and deliberately. Does? booze?. in?any?. way?shape?form?or fashion?improve?the?. quality?of?MY LIFE? The answer is clear. NO.
Those who choose moderation, must feel that one, or two, or whatever does improve the quality of their lives overall. If so, more power to you. This is directed at those who know that the ultimate answer, is no, for themselves.
I have done this holistically, with no tranquilizers, no Campral, no Topa, no scrips from the doctor. Even now, I am reducing the use of certain supplements a bit at a time. My herbal anxiety agents, like Valerian, Kava, Passion Flower, L-theanine, GABA, phenibut, all are being used less and less as the days roll on. Used to have to swallow 2 or 3 dozen supplement capsules and pills just to make it through a Friday evening in one piece. Eventually, those things may only be used very rarely, for those times when things just seem overwhelming.
The AA method, which I only use as a benchmark reference, advises to address the core psychological issues of our dependencies. That has been the major mode of my operation for the last 12 months. This forum plays a big part in that. Just being able to share my success, as well as the tribulations has been a key part of this. I want others to be able to know that this CAN BE DONE. I must share the story. Your words of support and encouragement are no small part of this psychological healing.
Meditations, self-hypnosis, self-therapies, and other methods to understand who xtexan is, and why he drank must continue on. This is long term abstinence, and must be nurtured like a child just beginning to walk. That?s it. I am finally starting to walk now in the sober frame.
Blood pressure medication taken for that condition is no longer needed. Even better, headaches due to blood pressure spikes have disappeared along with the arthritis pains. This is the stuff that is worth the suffering and pain.
I have a new life just beginning to form, and it is so much better than the old one. All I can tell you is to FIGHT, and FIGHT, and FIGHT. Grab whatever you can to pummel the enemies face in. Above all, never give up on yourself.
I shall continue this work. A second wind, and the gears have been shifted. 1000 days of xtexan is now becoming a possibility on the horizon. Each day, everyday, I put effort into staying AF and sober. Even the days that I feel like it?s all behind me now, I will not let up. Work the program, and be flexible and open-minded. If something is not working, try something else. Anything. Even now, I am changing my diet to even further enhance my resolve and healing.
Many thanks to you all out there in MWO cyber land, and may you all find your own place of peace and contentment. I can almost feel it under my feet these days.
Neil
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