I Don't Get It

[Chief]

Hello all, I don't know what the hell happened. I went 2 days AF and around 4:00pm on the 3rd day I just stopped at the store like I was on autopilot and bought beer. That was 2 days ago and I've drank to excess both days and have a refrigerator full of beer right now. I just can't explain it. I was so proud of myself and was feeling good and all of a sudden this. Of course I've felt guilty and ashamed and feel I've let everyone here down.I'm sorry. I just have to figure it out and try again. Don

[satori]

I Don't Get It

Hi Chief - we wondered where you had got to!

You have not let anyone here down mate! We have all been there! We know this aint a walk in the park.

I guess what matters is - what you do now.
You are still posting here - so that is great - you have not gone AWOL!

I would urge you to try again - it DOES get easier as AF time goes on! Honest!
The first few days are definitely the hardest.

So - don't beat yourself up - just pick yourself up, and get some food and lots of water inside you for starters!
Can you get something done about all the beer in the fridge?
Not good to have it there at this time.
And start over!
You are here because you probably know deep down that you HAVE to change!

Come on back over to the abs threads as soon as you fele able - you KNOW you will get a warm welcome!

Let us know what we can do to help!

Take care

Satori

[xtexan]

I Don't Get It

Hi Chief:

You didn't let anyone down here. We have all had that massive force come out of nowhere, even with our best intentions, and hammer us.

I've been there more times than I can count. It takes continual effort to understand what that force is, and how to best beat it.

Sometimes it does come out of nowhere. No real reason, but the end result is always the same if we don't have an extremely well planned method of dealing with it.

Just want to let you know, that sometimes it takes time, self-compassion, and a lot of self-love to come to terms with that drinking drive. It's like all good sense takes leave of us, and we become like the "Booze-inator" robot machine. I have walked many times into the beer store, completely not in control of my senses, after a long dry spell, and just went through the motions of getting my fix, and then only later realizing what I had just done.

You are human.

Neil

[Niblet]

I Don't Get It

Hey Don, I do not believe in guilt trips my friend... Find a good place to put that beer (preferably not anywhere at home) and carry on... You have the desire and that is what you need.. Don't be so hard on yourself, you can and are gonna beat this.. We did this before.. The first few days are the toughest and the demon got you this time, but you kick his A@@ next time !!! Take your supps and be good to yourself... You are sooo worth it !! And ,,,,, " YOU ARE THE MAN FOR THE JOB " Now enjoy the rest of this beautiful day and start building some new habits, take a walk, library, swim, catch a movie, golf, archery, paint mark shooting, bowling, have an ice-cream, go for a horse back ride at a stable, do you have a gramma or grampa or parent that you haven't seen for awhile, go spend some time and chew the rag ! Have a great day OK ? Your Pal,

[satori]

I Don't Get It

Neil,

Y'know I was thinking about this yesterday - the last time I slipped I walked into the beer store and I could almost physically FEEL the two opposing drives."I want to drink" and "I know I can't drink - this is wrong" as if they were actual physical presences. The feeling was centred in my chest.

Both existed simultaneously and were PERFECTLY balanced so that they cancelled each other out - such I was incapable of coming down on either side - and the "robot" just went thru the motions and bought the beer.

a REALLY Wierd feeling - I now always try to have the balance tipped firmly in the correct direction at all times!

Probably makes no sense to anyone - but just thought I would put it down here anyway.



Satori

[pansy]

I Don't Get It

Hi Chief,

Most folks on the board have reported that days 3 and 4 are the hardest days. Once you get through that first day, then the second day is not so bad. However, by the third day your body is saying "drink please, drink please." The alcohol is finally leaving your body.

So, do not be so hard on yourself. Be prepared for days 3 and 4 - they can be very difficult because the cravings can be very bad - even if you did days 1 and 2 without much trouble. I have had multiple starts and have always found those days the toughest. Have a plan to keep yourself busy - forewarned is forearmed! If you expect to feel like crawling out of your skin, then you are less likely to be derailed.

Congrats on days 1 and 2! Hugs,
Pansy

[Chief]

I Don't Get It

Thanks all, It's such an amazing feeling of being robot-like and it was almost like I was watching myself buy the beer, go home and start drinking and I couldn't do anything about it even though I knew it was wrong! It's mind boggling.

[Mags]

I Don't Get It

Remeber, we are all here with you. Go through days one and two again - it gets easier every time. Check out the abs boards as much as possible in those first two days - then hopefully you will be more prepared for days 3 and 4. Call on us whenever you need to.

Much love........

[CAPRICORN1]

I Don't Get It

Hi chief...Last month I was all set to do my 30 doays and on day 4 i slipped up and had a couple...I felt sooo horrible because everyone else was racking up AF days and I wanted to be a part of that too. I felt guiltlty and also I felt like nobody would want to read anything I would have to post anymore because I was no good because I slipped...

Guess what...I don't think anyone lost any sleep over me losing my 3 af days!

This is your journey...2 af days are awesome...probably better than your previos drinking pattern...take it at YOUR pace and learn from your blips!

We love you...Cap:l

[CAPRICORN1]

I Don't Get It

Just noticed the spelling...oops!

[xtexan]

I Don't Get It

To Satori:

Makes perfect sense to me. I have written many times of Drinking Neil vs. Sober Neil.

This is a path to understanding why we drink like we do. I have Drinking Neil hog-tied, and shackled pretty good at the moment.

He is a slippery SOB, and is very smart, so I have to keep an eye on him all the time. Like a rabid dog he is.

Neil

[magic]

I Don't Get It

Hi Don

I've been thinking about you.

You haven't let anyone down. Not even yourself.

Just like the others, I have found myself on auto-pilot as well, out of the blue. I wonder if it's actually your brain sending you messages that it needs alcohol...of course it is, but then your feet take you to the beer store in a catatonic state...make any sense? Kind of a covert/overt operation.


Sh*t happens. Scrape it off and give it another shot. Get rid of the beer !

We are addicts. Addicted to a drug. It's damn hard but you can break this addiction, just keep plugging along. One day at a time.

And as Cap said two days are an achievement! Now try for three!!!!!!!

Your cheering section is right here!

magic xx :schmokin:

[Guest]

I Don't Get It

Hi Don,
Sorry you feel as you do.
As magic says, you haven`t let anyone down.
You`ve simply "messed up" as we all do.
It`s just like we`ve formed this bond with alcohol, and to break that bond, many people have to initially work at weakening it.
Each and every night you manage not to drink weakens that bond, until you`ll reach the stage where the bond is so flimsy, it can`t help but break.

Hang tough!!!

Much love,

Starlight Impress x

[diamond]

I Don't Get It

Go give the beer to someone else or a charity, you will certainly feel better about that. before I decided once and for all I pretended to moderate, I drank double on one night so i could abstain the next - with a raging hangover even till the next evening I couldn't have drunk again that night !!!

It's ok to slip occasionally as long as you pick yourself up and carry on with the journey.

We are here with you - all trekking in the same direction ...

Diamond

[Iwantout]

I Don't Get It

I have tried so many times to quit or moderate and I know day 2 or 3 is the trigger to buy beer for me. I really need to try and make it through that day without starting to binge again...Maybe this time it will work because I had the worst ever withdrawals this morning. I will never forget how scared I was.
Good luck to you!