Can't Take It

[janka]

Hi ... am on 9th day AF ... served with divorce papers on Friday ... been hanging around with my big babies (14 & 17), while my 20-year, AA-graduate, sober husband keeps on disappearing, thinking he can treat me as he wants with cruelty and indifference.

Feel like going down the street to the pub and sitting at the bar, sipping a soda, and maybe talk to some sweet idiot. Or can drive downtown (again today) to work or something. He has gone TOO far this time and thinks if we reconcile it will probably be only his way. Well, well it can't be so ... he f$#@ked up BIG time. Leaves a "drunken" mother home alone, most of the time with his babies .... doesn't make sense!!!!!!!! I am angry now, have to go cool down. Sorry

[Java]

Can't Take It

So Sorry Janka, I wish I had better words for you...Hang in there, you have done so well, and don;t deserve the treatment you are getting. Be strong, check in often.

[betty boop]

Can't Take It

Janka, take a deep breath, please don't let him drive you to drink, he is not worth it .....

Love & Hugs, BB xx

[uda]

Can't Take It

Janka,

Hard as it is it sounds like you're likely to be better off without him?

Take care, you're worth so much more - no matter what he thinks.

Uli

[Cinders]

Can't Take It

Instead of the Pub...

Janka,

Why don't you go to the library, or somewhere else quiet, and think carefully.

I would start writing down the things you can do IF you end up divorced. Like NOT be around someone so obsessive and controlling.

Hmm. Maybe be around caring, loving people who actually LIKE you??

Anyhow, just think about the positives that can happen if he divorces you. I am suspecting he is going through this to hurt you and control you. Don't let him get away with it, NOT ONE MORE TIME, NOT ONE MORE SECOND.

It sounds like he has played head games with you all your married life. Don't tolerate it ever again, even if you stay together.

And, I am so sorry you are going through this but you sound like a bright and tough woman. You can get through this and be waaay better off, no matter the outcome.

Cindi

[Niblet]

Can't Take It

Our Sweet Janka !!
What I can see from this hon is that you are growing into such a strong person for the most important person in this world... YOU !!! I'm soo proud that you are not allowing this in your life anylonger... You are soo worth this.... I'm soo proud of you.. As a sober Janka, A**Hole Face doesn't have any holds on you.. You are your own person, a stronger person than "He" ever gave you credit for... Keep posting and reading... We WILL be here for you .... I'd like to send you a hug, I'm sooo proud of you,

[Guest]

Can't Take It

Janka,
You are hurting! AND rightly so....but, the answer to erase pain is not in a bottle. AND wouldn't that just give him an "I TOLD YOU SO"...be stronger than that. Go to a movie, take a walk in a park, read a book....
Take those papers to an attorney tomorrow!!!! Fight fair, but fight back. DIVORCE is hard, marriage is hard, but if it must end, then move on in your new life. There will be happy days ahead. Stay strong and we are here!!!

[Accountable for Me]

Can't Take It

Janka, I am going to say this because everything you have written points in one direction. He doesn't want to be a part of this marriage anymore, obviously.

Leave him. Stop being his victim and stop being his door mat.

Your children are 14 and 17 - they are not babies anymore. They are young adults. You cannot use your children as an excuse to stay in an abusive marriage.

You deserve to be treated like a human being with love and respect.

OK, off my soap box now.

[janka]

Can't Take It

Thanks everyone ... drove to the bookstore ... RJs book was out of stock, but bought some others. Whew! I was so pissed! By the way, I don't go hand about the pub by myself. I really do not know what to do, the guy is definitely a selfish, immature pr*&k. to divorce someone because they have been drinking?!!??? Rather than try to ask what's up, what's bothering you. can I help in some way? That to me is so screwed up beyond any f'n recognition. It points to a person without a soul. I'm okay though

[Finding My Self]

Can't Take It

Janka dearest. To me, Luvall has said it all.... I was in a relationship once that I have recognised frequently in your posts. Something finally changed in me and one day I faced him and said, "Please don't speak to me like that again..." Well, he just walked out within 48 hours. I was devastated but it was very right. I don't know what changed in me (I had my first Reiki session ever the day before...??) but in you, you have started to look after yourself and stand up in life ready to really live it adn celebrate the you-ness of YOU which is what you do when you decide to go AF. I think your hubby recognises something big has changed and he's off.... and it's awful for you now but it'll come clearer later and the chances you have now are enormous... Much as you might love him, it never works to be with a cowardly bully... eats you away.

Come out into the sun and dance now, Janka! We love you and someone else will truly love you and honor you one day for the person you really are... Your posts are always amazing...

Be strong for now...whatever, DO NOT give him the chance to say 'I told you so!!!' like Luv said.... And your 'big kids' will be just fine - better... (about the same age as mine - 14 and 18...)

Hugs
F x

[Suzanna]

Can't Take It

Janka, please be strong and know that I am thinking about you, along with all these great folks here. I agree with others who have said to go see a lawyer yourself. You now have an opportunity at a new beginning, and it will be better for your kids to not have all the drama. Big Hugs! Suz

[janka]

Can't Take It

hi and thanks, I'm okay now. I will go see a lawyer, probably this week (by the way my best friend is a lawyer, but not in this state, so I've always had wise counsel in that regard). i hate when i get so ticked off, it rarely happens, but whoa ... good thing my kids don't see me this way. just took my car for a drive and decided what I would want, whether it ends or rebegins. I appreciate your help and will try not to be such a bother again. alll in all, really didn't think to drink ... that God! what a mess i would have made for myself ... am making dinner and getting ready for work tomorrow -- big day, moving my office suite to a new location, plus load of work, as always. Most gratefully, to the sweetest people on this planet, j

[Guest]

Can't Take It

You are not a bother to anyone! This site keeps many of us sobber, we come here instead of drinking when a craving hits...so post away.

[Finding My Self]

Can't Take It

A bother?!??!.................. Noooooh, not at all Janka.
I hoep tomorrow goes well with all your have to do...
Hugs
F x

[beatle]

Can't Take It

Good for you Janka. You are making it through one crisis after another without turning to the bottle. Without even THINKING of drinking. As far as alcohol is concerned, you seem to be in control now. The rest will follow. We're all wishing the best for you, however it turns out.