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Flip
September 1st, 2007, 09:07 PM
Jsut to prove that I can be serious for a more than a few moments at a time, I thought I'd check in with what's been happening with me and my drinking problem.

Sometimes it's easy to forget how bad it was, now that I am sober. It's like recalling bad days from high school, you know it happened, everyone else remembers, but it doesn't quiet seem real.

I came off the Campral a month - 6 weeks ago. I've had no cravings whatsoever. I am really thrilled about this as last time I tried going off it I was drinking again soon after. This time is different though as I no longer have the illusion that I can moderate, or that I will ever be able to drink like a normal person.

When I think about the past 9 months, it's been one of the worst years of my life in some way, and yet, one of the best.

In November my dad died and my mum had yet another life saving operation on her 5th matastisised cancer.

In December I stopped drinking

In January I met someone who turned out to be a total psycopath.

In Feb I got pregnant, but didn't know it. I also started going to an alcohol and drug counsellor.

In early April I terminated. The hardest decision I have ever made in my life. I never saw the father again.

In late April, my mum came to visit. I had to hid my guilt and greif from her.

In June and May, I just lived.

In July, my 17 year old first born moved out. I am not ready for her to leave me.

In August I had to put my dear old dog to sleep.

In September I will be a year older, and

I AM STILL SOBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This month is also the beggining of the healthier me, I am walking, eating well and taking care of myself.

It's time to grow up.

less desperate
September 1st, 2007, 09:14 PM
how do you deal with the guilt?

You're amazing.

May I ask you a question, though: Do you ever feel tormented by guilt over the past, things you did during your drinking days?

I'm trying not to, but it's like this strange sickness that is hidden in my brain and jumps out without warning. I find it excruciating, but I'm wondering if it starts to go away as you get more sober time under your belt.

lushy
September 1st, 2007, 09:18 PM
You know I love you Flip and I admire the hell out of you for staying AF for all you have gone through. I have no doubt this will be the year of getting yourself even healthier. I am with you on that one as I need to start exercising as well. Tons of hugs to you from the other side of the world!

Can we get back to the fact I have posted over 5000 times here though?

Mags
September 1st, 2007, 09:23 PM
Flip, you are a wonder. To go through such a tough year with such challenges and heartbreaks and still stay sober. God knows (sorry Dog knows) it is so hard - no one knows how hard that can be. No one. That bastard evil demon is always lurking to catch us at our weakest. You have beat it. I don't care if you eat carrots or chocolate or whatever.

Humor is a powerful weapon that can be used to deal with our troubles. You have not only used it for yourself but used it to help heal all your sisters and brothers here. What a gift.

Be proud of yourself woman. Be very proud.

But please lose the mustache!

julie001
September 1st, 2007, 09:35 PM
Through all of the turmoil and pain, you prevailed! Now that you moved into AF land, you have such an opportunity to just take care of you. I very happy for you. Keep us updated with the positive changes you experience as you move into this phase of your healing. Again, kudos!

Julie

tawnyfrog
September 1st, 2007, 09:48 PM
So????

Get over yourself.


Alright, you've made me do one of these stupid things ...

:huggy:huggy:huggy:huggy

... and you know I don't do 'em lightly.

Good stuff, mate. See you in November.

xtexan
September 1st, 2007, 09:49 PM
Hi Flip:

Just want to let you know, that I believe the worst is over for you. Those first 9 months were major pain and white knuckles much of the time for me.

After that, something new started to kick in. Hard to put a finger on it, but it was like I knew that I could REALLY do this thing, if I just kept my guard up.

You went through major unpleasant events there, and prevailed. My hat is off to you. Seems like being AF amplifies the impact of things, compared to someone who never had any booze problems.

Please believe me when I say that the light at the end of the tunnel gets brighter the further one goes.

You have better days ahead, and having fought the good fight, I believe you will experience a sense of personal power and contentment that will make the pain worth it.

Neil

lushy
September 1st, 2007, 09:59 PM
What does Tawny mean, see you in November? Are you two getting together? :upset: I want to go........

Flip
September 1st, 2007, 10:53 PM
yep, Lushy, we are catching up - I'm going down there for a bike rally.

Desperate: re your questions... I feel incredible torment, guilt and shame over some of the harm I have caused to both myself and to others I love. However, just knowing I have done everything I possibly can to prevent that from ever happening again and, may I use the term, made amends with those I have harmed. I feel nothing but support and love from everyone around me. They are so proud of me. I am proud of myself.

That feeling would not be there if I hadn't stopped, it would only be getting worse every day.

lucky 2.0
September 1st, 2007, 11:14 PM
I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!

Flip, I am thrilled for you and you have been a big inspriration for me to be abs. I am glad you are on the site.

Way to Go!!!!

xo
The Dainty Duck

Quack Quack

SKendall
September 1st, 2007, 11:38 PM
I bow to you. :goodjob:

Java
September 2nd, 2007, 05:47 AM
I have to say you are an inspiration for me as well! Thanks for posting.

Victoria

Breez
September 2nd, 2007, 07:24 AM
Hi Flip-

How empwering it feels to no longer need alcohol as a crutch. You have proven to yourself & others that you don't need alcohol to numb the pain. Kudos to you!

Guest
September 2nd, 2007, 09:50 AM
Fantastic post Flip.........you are one strong lady.
You`ve just intensified my belief that us drinking cannot change a thing, so why bother?

I raise my hat to you!!!

All my love,

Starlight Impress x

Cinders
September 2nd, 2007, 09:58 AM
Flip,

You have made such a difference in your life, such a positive one.

From a relative newbie, much thanks for sharing and being so honest.

These are the posts that give me hope.

Cindi

chrysa
September 2nd, 2007, 10:15 AM
Deep deep bow with prayer hands!! You are an incredible person Flip. So glad to know you. Namaste'

Attached files /converted_files/320000=1732-attachment.jpg (http://www.mywayout.org/VB4/images/converted_files/320000=1732-attachment.jpg)

Finding My Self
September 3rd, 2007, 07:43 AM
Flip - wow.... Words fail me (?!) but I'm sending an-upside-down-to-you-down-there-in-Oz HUG!! to you big time...

Less Desperate (good!!!), yes it gets less as the memories fade. I still worry who's been told what, when, etc but rememind myself that if any folk are out there not actively being my friend but are talking about me slurring my words (etc) a year ago (or less!) and behind my back - I do not want them in my life and why don't they go and get one anyway!!!

Love to you Flip...
Finding xx

meditation mama
September 3rd, 2007, 09:05 AM
You are an amazing woman, Flip. Don't grow up too much, though!

Melissa
September 5th, 2007, 09:08 AM
MORE than inspiring!! So glad that you are here to share your transformation and to give hope to others! THANK YOU, Flip!

I have found a truly amazing amount of grit and determination 'round here!

" drinking cannot change a thing, so why bother?" -Starlight Impress

That just may be my forever mantra!!

Will I give in sometime in the future? perhaps

Got a disturbing phone call last night with news I did not want to hear. My first thought was to zip to the store for a little vino. (You know, just a leeeetle that would most likely turn into alot!) I thought of you all here and your personal stories and said to myself "nawwww ... I can do this too!!"

Not hi-jacking this thread! Just expressing kudos and the importance of sharing our ups, downs, and celebrations!

Best to all!

(beginning day 5 AF)

Preciouspinot
September 5th, 2007, 10:42 AM
Thank you for posting that Flip. We are all learning from you and you are a true inspiration for many of us here.

Finding My Self
September 5th, 2007, 11:03 AM
Flip - thanks again. Just re-read your post. Amazing and backed by ****light's words (a great mantra yes Melissa! Me too!) has knocked the nail in another inch.

Hugs
Finding x

Accountable for Me
September 5th, 2007, 11:44 AM
Flip, I can only say "wow". You are such a strong woman and you have overcome so many life changing hurdles this past year. Being sober 9 months of it is indeed admiring. Although I don't think admiration is really a word I would use in this case. Your finding strength within is a real gift you can give yourself. :l

maxman
October 19th, 2007, 02:53 AM
you are ace!

Flip
October 19th, 2007, 02:59 AM
See Max, I'm not all froth and bubbles (and farts!), in fact I'm 10 1/2 months sober now, and really looking forward to my 1 year celebration in 6 weeks time.

maxman
October 19th, 2007, 03:36 AM
That fantastic flip, and I will be celebrating my 7 weeks in 6 weeks!

Flip
October 19th, 2007, 03:45 AM
That is a greater achievement than mine, at this point in time.

It really does get easier as time goes by. So my next 6 weeks will fly by, but yours may well be a struggle - one that I expect you to win!

slightlysuze
October 19th, 2007, 03:49 AM
Flip......you are an inspiration whether you're being funny or serious...thank you....what would this place be like without you? :l


(well, it wouldn't have scary butts for a start.....or big pants...or.....)

Please don't ever leave! LOL


Suze x

Flip
October 19th, 2007, 04:02 AM
Ok Suze, I'll spend the rest of my days logged in to MWO - the children will find me slumped over the 'puter with my claw like hand wrapped around the worn out mouse and my forehead tapping out messages like sos, but it will just be the rigamortis setting in. Then they will find out that my "depends" haven't been changed for days and I've left them nothing in the will.....

slightlysuze
October 19th, 2007, 04:33 AM
Nothing in the will?

But Flip...you will have left them something much more precious than gazillions of dollars, five houses, two yachts and a villa in Switzerland....they will have wonderful memories.......







.....of your massive butt being adored by the assembled masses of MWOers and your gargantuan pants being worshipped by trembling folk who thought they were sober until they saw them.......


This is my new mantra. Flip...don't ever leave us.....ever..... *bursts into tears*


Suze x

stollies1
October 19th, 2007, 04:38 AM
Well done Flip my dear...
10.5 months :yougo:
The six weeks will fly, I feel like a gave up a couple of months ago it seems to have gone so fast.
Are you and Tawn catching up on the Great Vic Bike Ride or another one?
Great going darlin'
Victoria xxooxx

Flip
October 19th, 2007, 04:40 AM
It's a rally that some of Tawny's friends are organising... I really must find out the details!!!

beachmusic
October 19th, 2007, 12:59 PM
From a fairly new member, it was interesting reading your story. What great accomplishment you have made after a year of such adversity! Congrats!! You should feel proud. Beachmusic

trixietrack
October 19th, 2007, 01:27 PM
wow flip you really are amazing.
I congratulate you on staying sober and being sober.
I congratulate you on being able to share your experiences. we can learn a lot from you.
I also congratulate you for having such a great sense of humor
and last but not least, your avatars ROCK!:goodjob:

abby1
October 19th, 2007, 09:35 PM
Flip
I might be a little late catching up on your news, but never to late to say you are truly amazing. A big CONGRATS on being AF. Trying to "kick" the drinking habit is hard enough, but with all you went through, you truly are a strong person. By reading you story, one can tell how important it is to you to achieve a lifestyle with out liquor. I look forward to congratulating you on your ONE YEAR Anniversary in just a few short weeks.

Abby