View Full Version : ECHOME

meditation mama
September 15th, 2007, 11:21 PM
u ok?


September 15th, 2007, 11:30 PM
No Iam heart broken. ECHOME

September 15th, 2007, 11:34 PM
My wife and I got into a bad fight i spent the day in jail and I cant find her. I drank too much. I have a drinking problem and i think i lost my family.

Finding My Self
September 16th, 2007, 02:35 AM

Hello - Just wanted to 'pick you up' here and let you I know that I heard your sadness....

First you need to get and stay sober. The very first thing. Day by day, for you so you become who you really are. That's like cleaning all the seadweed off seaside rocks. Then anyone near you wont keep slipping off.

Have you got the book off here? Can you get the supps and meds?

If not, take tons and tons of vitamin B and vit C. Drink gallons of water. Sweeten your coffee or tea a bit more/some. Eat chocoloate... Keep very busy around trigger times. And keep coming here to read, read, read and post, post, post.

Just DO NOT have that first drink - then you can't get drunk and have all the rest. OK?

After a few days and the alcohol is out of your system you will fee a whole heap clearer. (Just keep going days 3-4...whatever. They're just the hardest - but we've done them so so can you.)

Then, being here you've got lots of friends to help you 24/7....please use us!

I wish you so well Echome. I hope your wife comes home - but do this please?

Love FMF x

September 16th, 2007, 06:03 AM
Hi ECHOME and welcome.

Like FMF has said, you need to tackle your alcohol problem before you can sort out your life. We`ve all been there........much of our problems in life have resulted from excessive drinking, and while the drinking persists, so too do many of the problems.

You`ve just had an horrific experience.......huge confrontation with your wife, then being locked up, and now not knowing where your wife is.........look on this incident as the wake up call you have been sorely needing to give you the courage to address your drinking.

Sounds like you`re in a great deal of emotional pain........the only way to ease that any is to look at yourself and your drinking critically.Only when you decide to quit your drinking, will you help your relationship with your wife.......drink destroys all that we hold dear if we`re fool enough to let it.......don`t allow the drink to claim your marriage.

And no, it`s not easy to quit drinking, but so many of us have quit by making a wholehearted commitment to ourselves and as a direct result of the wonderful support we have found here. You can stop drinking too.........we`re here to help you.......

Wishing you love and strength,

Starlight Impress x

September 16th, 2007, 10:06 AM
Thank you. I cant believe Iam finding help and understanding on the internet. Iam so lost I had no were to turn. It means so much to me that you would take time to help. I have no one to talk to. My friends think am weak my family yells at me becouse they think it is my wifes problem. Nobody understands what is going on. Iam a total wreck I cry all day I miss my wife and little girl. The pain is unbelievable and there is no pill or anything that can help. ECHOME

September 16th, 2007, 10:24 AM

Wow, I can only imagine how badly you are feeling right now. :confused:

All of us here will be available to help if you decide to get sober. Since this is a truly a world wide site, there will always be someone here to listen to you and give any advice we can. Lots of people have become AF here and know how hard it is.

Many have hurt family relationships and loved ones because of their drinking. You are not alone.

Figure out what the next positive steps are that you can make, and start going down that path.

Take care,

September 16th, 2007, 10:28 AM
Yes I got the book and cds. I take pretty good care of myself the best thing is the gym and eating right. Unfortunatly I started to drink heavy again stoped going to the gym and things started to build I could feel it. My temper was short I was tired all the time and instead of working on myself I tried to change my wife. This is the begining of my abusive cycle. We missed counsling for the whole month. Now iam starting to blame my wife for everything. Now Iam charged with felony domestic violence. I hit her with my head I was not trying to hurt her just push her away.........I hurt my wife someone I love with all my heart I would do anything for her. I take full responsability I have no one to blame but myself. Ive never laid a hand or physicaly hurt my wife ever this is the most painfull thing I have ever done. I can never drink again. I want to change my life and find out who Iam. I hope Iam not to late to save my family.ECHOME

September 16th, 2007, 10:30 AM
Hi Echome - glad you found this place.
I understand that you are in a lot of pain right now and it is hard to know what to do first.
But what you will probably hear here is that you need to concentrate on yourself first and put your wellbeing at the top of your list.
You will see things better if you can stop drinking - like fmf said, do whatever you can to get 3 days sober or alcohol free as we say here.

3 days can seem long - so come here and read and post lots.
Drinking will not bring your family back or even make it hurt less (makes it worse actually).
You have to take care of yourself first - you have to stop drinking for yourself first.
If you quit for someone else - even your child or wife- it won't stick. That is my experience anyway. You are worth taking care of - you are worth caring for.
Hope you find the support you need here. This is a great place.

September 16th, 2007, 10:49 AM
Thank you lisa. Lots of confusion in my head. How did this start? Why do I drink tell I black out? How could I hurt someone I love so much? How come I did not see that I had a problem? Nobody told me HUH? Iam sitting in jail thinking its the drinking now iam really in trouble I finally see I have a drinking problem and all I want to do is cry. UH not in jail are you kidding! When I got home the flood gates opened I have not stoped crying. I know I have to stop for myself. Nobody has ever told me I need to stop drinking. Maybe that is a good thing i found out on my own. Iam I an alchoholic? Or is that a label people put on you? I dont know what it means. I have a drinking problem and I can never drink again. ECHOME

Accountable for Me
September 16th, 2007, 11:17 AM
Echome, from what it sounds like you are an alcoholic. I don't like the label either, but if drinking is affecting your life, then more than likely you have a problem with it. Seeing you spent the day in jail and your wife and little girl are gone, that is a huge indicator that you have a problem.

My husband is in total denial about the extent of his drinking. I actually think he will drink himself to death. I packed my daughter up over a week ago and went to stay at my father's for a bit. I had NO intention of coming back here as this has been 3.5 years of the same crap. Well, I did come back a couple of days ago and he is STILL drinking. I am looking at getting him into a detox program for the sake of my daughter only. If he refuses help, then this time I will kick him out. Personally I am tired of being the one who has to leave all of the time and I am the one who cares for our 2 year old. I am tired of him destroying our life for the sake of his drinking.

The reason I am telling you this is because I quit months ago. I had to do this for the sake of my children and myself. My life was going no where but down, and down fast. It was the hardest thing to do, quitting drinking, but was worth every ounce of pain to do it.

Could you go and talk to a counsellor?? Having someone other than family, who tend to place blame or judge to talk to could really help you.

You can do this.

September 16th, 2007, 11:44 AM
Thank you it took a bit to find your thread. I will try to post in one area. Yes on the counsellor my wife and I have seen him off and on for a year. But alcohol never came up in the conversations? I will see him tommorow and get started on healing myself. Iam sorry for your pain I can only imagine what my wife is going through. We have a 3 year old girl. I miss her so much. My wife has put up with my crap for 4 years. I feel so sorry for her. She never asked me to stop or said I had a problem? Why is that? She likes to drink also maybe she thought I would tell her to quit? Whatever the case I have a driking problem a very bad problem that has destroyed my life and hurt my family. ECHOME

Finding My Self
September 16th, 2007, 12:07 PM
Echome - the crying is OK....in Chinese medicine they say that tears have a special ingredient that cleans the body in a way that nothing else can do... Therefore you are being blessed with healing. (Another way of looking at it.)

I am surprised your wife has never said anything...maybe she thought it was obvious but more than likely it is because she didn't want a life without alcohol either.... I (personally) don't see this as alwaysa a disease but I do see alcohol as, not always to everyone but possibly a insiduous, nasty, poisonous, creepy, unecessary substance. Even a glass a day can affect some people. There is no way my best friend is an alcoholic but I KNOW cutting it out might help her asthma, nerves, insomnia and mood swings.................but telling someone to cut out just 2 glasses every evening is hard. Much harder than telling them to cut out 2-3 bottles a day - that's obvious!!! I think that's because if it does help them to stop then they feel they must have a problem.... and they don't want to fnd that out. And the shame is to me that they don't necessarily have a problem but that alcolhol can be a 'problem' to lots of us humans....it is, after all, a poison that we have to have special enzymes to deal with!! (And some of us haven't got a lot of them - and they're affected by hormones.) For most of us we can cope with it - to a point...And then some of us (here!!) rather overdo it...by a lot!... and then the real problems start. We need more and more and we can take more and more and then things like your row/cell visit etc happen.....

Why do your family think it is your wife's problem?

Remember that after 2-3 days things will begin to settle. Days 3-4 are often the hard ones - JUST STICK WITH IT! And then some lights will go on inside your head and strength will begin to return to you and you'll see a way forward more clearly. Until then, stick here. Drink those gallons of water and eat as well as you can even if it's not a lot...(I lost my appetite big time for a couple of weeks but made myself eat something nourishing little and often. Plus chocolate!) If you can't sleep come here. Please. A drink will NOT help!

Love and hugs, Echome...you'll get through this.


Accountable for Me
September 16th, 2007, 01:08 PM
Echome: Just know we all have to start somewhere. As long as you keep this in your forethought you can make your life anything you want to. No one here is any different than anyone else. We all are living with this in some way or another and most of us can relate to what is said on the boards.

My youngest daughter is almost 2.5 years old. Very close in age to yours. You can change this and help yourself and give your precious little one the father she needs. You have to climb the mountains in order to see the view. You are here, so that is saying A LOT in your wanting to deal with what is going on.

September 16th, 2007, 01:37 PM
Glad you are sticking around and still talking. I think you are taking the right approach by getting yourself better first. Once you do that and start healing you will be able to reach out and start healing your relationships with your wife and daughter. Be true to yourself and start feeling better about you then each day it will all come together piece by piece.

I wish you nothing but the best.

September 16th, 2007, 03:52 PM
Hi Echome

It seems you have sunk very low but not lower than others on this website. You are not alone. Alcoholism is such a baffling problem. One would think it would be easy to stop something so negative and that makes you feel so guilty. but instead, the reverse seems to hold true. it's back for more.

I hope you find some solace on this website, and I think the person who advised you to drink a lot of water and take care of yourself, not to drink, is right. you will feel better after that.

take care!

September 16th, 2007, 03:58 PM
Dear Echome

I also wish nothing but the best for you. You are confused now - doubting yourself - asking a lot of questions. You still have alcohol in your system so you are still not thinking entirely clearly yet. You are afraid because you may be losing your family and also you have to say goodbye to your "best friend" - alcohol. That is a frightening thought at the beginning. How can I face life without it?

But you can face life without it - you MUST face life without alcohol - and you WILL face life without it. You can do it. It is hard, very hard. But we are all in various stages of doing it here at MWO and we are all helping each other. Alone probably none of us could do it, but together we all can.

Don't worry about all those questions for now. For now, focus on making yourself better and stronger - that means focus on staying AF for as long as possible. Just take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. Log on here as often as you can - read, call out for help - whatever you need, we'll be here for you.

Good luck.

September 16th, 2007, 10:22 PM
Hi Echome,

I'm familiar with spousal violence laws in Cali because the police witnessed my husband push me out of a car there, he was also in a blackout. I lied and told the police I tripped while exiting the car and they were going to have a hard time prosecuting him if they tried. I did this because I already knew he was going to be going to jail for a DUI. Nothing like a little R & R in Beverly Hills! Anyway, I share this story to help you understand you are NOT alone.

After he was arrested several times for various things we finally accepted the fact that my husband is bipolar. I knew it in my heart but I didn't want to face it. Once we got him on Lithium his craving for alcohol went away. Many many bipolars become addicted to alcohol. They use it to come down off their mania.

You sound like a good person that screwed up (as we all have) and needs some help. I wish you all the best.



September 17th, 2007, 12:59 AM
Thank you. I did not tell my family the truth. They do not know I have a drinking problem. Every time I had a problem with my wife I blamed her. Only now can I see what I have done. I have been very abusive to my wife and kids... her son and my little girl. My god what have I done. I have lied to myself to hide it all. Now my family is gone and I dont think they will ever take me back

September 17th, 2007, 01:00 AM
PS 1 day AF not bad for football sunday.

September 17th, 2007, 01:03 AM
My wife told me I had a problem I just did not hear her. You know selective hearing

September 17th, 2007, 07:25 AM
Hi EC,
I'm new here but I went to bed AF last night also. Feeling pretty good today. Getting ready to head to the gym for a workout. I've been jailed for alcohol, also. Misdeamenor public intox, but a night in jail was something I'd never experienced before in my life. It sucks, but I did it to myself, so I know how you feel.
I'm not sure if I understand the term alcoholic, either. I believe that there's substance abuse & substance dependence. The DSM IV does not ever once use the word alcoholic or alcoholism, just the 2 terms I used above. Withdrawl is no fun, but you can do it, just as I can, and have so many times before. It's that 3-4 week mark that gets me.
This is a great community. There are plenty of people and resources here.
Take care,