Drinking- A Mental Release

[bloggy]

I had a AF free day yesterday, and am on beer number 3 today. Am not too worried about that as long as I don't go past the 4 mark I am not drunk and quite safe- and as long as I have abs days mixed with mods I am within my goals for this month.

(Cannot have more, BF is picking me up in half an hour, I am at work and no more supplies in the building

I had no desire to drink tonight, was enjoying myself at work, reading all the posts, I had taken 1000 MG of L- Glutamine, eaten well and did not have an urge to drink.

Then someone came in who I became friendly with after he had a run of bad luck and I was able to help him somewhat. Since then he is here at my workplace every night driving me crazy, when I just want to get on with my work and be left in peace, he wants to sit here, passing 3 or 4 hours chatting (very boring chat, at that).

I DO NOT have the heart to tell him where to go. He is a nice guy, but I just wish to be left alone!
This is absolute proof to me (I did know anyway) I drink for mental release. Anything can set me off- an annoying customer, a row with my boyfriend, a death, just about anything.

Is there any point in taking the meds and supplements if it appears to be just about entirely physcological? Or do you all feel this way?

Thank you for any insights.

[trixietrack]

Drinking- A Mental Release

hello Marbella those are called triggers. I have them too and I am a very moody type. It had gotten to the point where if I went home and the dishes were not clean, I would crack a bottle of wine open to calm down, and then I'd do the dishes drunk. The following morning with hangover I would look at the mess I'd made.

My BF is also a trigger.


I think it's mental too, but the supplements (don't know about the meds) help with mood swings and stress.

Trix

[lushy]

Drinking- A Mental Release

Mental release. Good term. Sums up why I enjoy drinking as well.

I firmly believe that while many of us do not have physical cravings, our brains are craving and crying out for alcohol. That is when we give in. The supplements help to replenish the feel good chemicals which can strengthen your resolve to not drink. For me at least I know that often times I give in out of habit. Wine has been my coping mechanism for years and it just takes time to change that habit. Keep taking those supps!!! They do work.

[Beaches]

Drinking- A Mental Release

Marbella,
Alcohol, in different flavors and types, over the years has also helped me cope psychologically with the daily things. I found that having a glass of whatever just calmed me down so I could think and my heart would stop racing etc. My husband is a huge trigger and I am learning to work on myself so that won't be the case anymore. Triggers...they are everywhere. I also realized that my drinking increased dramatically after children. Maybe all the new stresses and figuring out life and how to cope.
Since finding this place I can tell you that my coping skills have significantly improved. I have been taking Topa, supplements, listening to meditation CD's and learning about new books to read/listen too that will help on the journey.
This is a great place to better yourself as a whole person.

Good luck!

[MyOwnWoman]

Drinking- A Mental Release

Hi Marbella, and welcome.
I can relate. Since working iwth the MWO program I've been able to discern the differences between physical cravings (the stuff that the supps and topa help with), and the psychological triggers. And "mental release" is spot on - I'm able to release my mind from anger, fear, loneliness, sadness, etc. The trouble is, these needs/desires to release give me excuses to give in to the physical cravings. So though I'm not yet successful in my ultimate goal of AF, I understand that getting control of the physical craving will help me, but I also need to be able to just "be" with whatever mental state I'm in and work to alleviate mental/emotional discomfort in some other manner.

[ChangeAgent]

Drinking- A Mental Release

I too find that my mental and emotional processes create craving. We are creatures of mental and emotional habit as well as physical habit. Working all three is what I'm doing differently this time. I find it not only helpful, but rewarding. It's not always easy to do this work, yet it made the alcohol work easier. Hope that makes sense.

[nancy]

Drinking- A Mental Release

This is a great idea for a thread.

i think that if the supplements help make you less nervous or irritable,that should help with psychological triggers. in addition to supplements, you might benefit from the hypno CDs, which help improve mood. But i suppose drinking is a way of not dealing with problems. and this particular problem you had called for assertiveness. Are you like this with other relationships? can you stand up for yourself? learn how to tell people politely to scram?

If so, I can see how drinking would provide relief. the solution is to develop more assertiveness.

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

Drinking- A Mental Release

Nancy, You really zoned in on a lot, well said!

Marbella,

You sound like a "pleaser". You are putting this irritating bloke before yourself! Do you think your feelings and your time are less valuable than his? Tell him very nicely that he'd better get going because you have things to do, period. Then feel proud of yourself not guilty.

I see you are very insightful and have figured out that this is not all about physical cravings, I think that's why the meditation tapes are part of the program. For many of us, especially the "late onset" drinkers. We are drinking as a coping mechanism and it is a bad habit. That being said we develop, nontheless, a little bit of an actual physical addiciton to the alcohol. A hangover is withdrawl because alcohol is an addictive substance.

I am a "late onset" drinker and I think that is why I really didn't notice Kudzu do anything for me. ALL of the other supplements did help though. As others have said, reduced stress & depression equals less triggers to drink.

Great and insightful post!


Thank You!



Myheart

[slightlysuze]

Drinking- A Mental Release

Oh yes Marbella......that hits the spot! For me almost all the problem is in the head...emotions like anxiety, fear, anger, boredom, irritation....a little drop of alcohol always made them feel better. But of course it always escalates...'if one glass makes it feel better, two glasses will make it even better' etc Then you have the hangover and regret to add to your list of negative emotions. And usually if the emotion was anger it just fuelled it after the first glass It's a blind alley.

In a trigger situation I try to ask myself what the problem is and look for a way to destress it without the booze. If I think of booze I just say NO.....sometimes even out loud (if I'm alone lol) and make myself think of an alternative. Funnily enough I often find pouring and sipping a glass of tonic water helps a lot.....maybe that pouring/drinking thing is a calming habit I acquired! Then I will sometimes say to myself 'see...you found a better way'. Might sound a bit nutty, but I look on it as positive reinforcement.

Has anyone ever made a list of their personal triggers? I wondered about it - but would it help or hinder??

That 'pleasing' people thing...I know that too.....be gentle to the poor bloke, but tell him nicely that you really need to get on with work so, sadly, the chats have to end. Express a bit of 'regret'.....let him down gently!

[bloggy]

Drinking- A Mental Release

I am absolutely most defintely a 'pleaser'.

I find myself running errands when I have no time even to do my own stuff, sitting in bars with people I do not want to be with, and animal sitting/walking for others when I have 8 of my own.

I realised how bad this was a while ago, and have cut back on what I do for others an awful lot, but I have obviously let this one 'slip through' and yes, he is driving me barmy, and I do not want him sitting in my space all night. I will tell him tonight as politely as possible he is not welcome.

For me doing things I don't want to do- being with people I don't want to be with is a definate 'trigger', but one I should be able to avoid quite easily.

Thank you all!

[MyOwnWoman]

Drinking- A Mental Release

This conversation reminds me that working on our 'triggers' not only is helpful in overcoming our addiction, but also in living well - in dealing with relationships, finding inner peace, etc. For when we learn to deal with emotional triggers responsibly (like getting over being a pleaser, or self-beratement) it improves our quality of life.
Therefore, maybe it would be of benefit to think of working on these things as all around personal growth, not just all about drinking.

[Phoenix74]

Drinking- A Mental Release

Hi Marbella hope spain is sunny

Sorry u feel bad about last night. Don't beat yourself up :l

I don't know much about the supps you're talking about but i wanted to say hello and tell u i'm thinking about u
I can tell u that i've been taking a hormone supp for a few years after i was diagnosed with oestrogen dominance and i know that whilst it made my moods better every day of the month, i still had a few glasses on foot of the usual triggers. I tried going off them last year thinking I was great, and within 10 days I was a monster, regardless of whether I was indulging in a glass or seven, or not drinking...

I think trix and the others hit the nail on the head when they said that it's the composite: mind body spirit thing we need to work on.
If it had been me, telling the guy to bugger off would make me feel guilty, so I might feel like a consolling drink; enduring him would make me feel burdened, so I'd feel like having a coping drink; handling him well and getting my work done would make me feel self congatulatory, so I'd feel like having a pat on the back drink.
So, I'm trying hard to confront the fact that whatever I'm feeling, I can't afford to see drink as my drinking buddy, at all.

If the supps and or meds help u at all, then maybe take them so that the mental/emotional habit battle to be waged isn't so insurmountable. Engaging your mind with your buddies here. A long walk on the beach. Something in a glass close at hand, water, juice, I could buy shares in MiWadi or Robinsons at this stage

I hope I haven't bored you to tears. In other news, it's freezing here. It's trying to rain. The windows all have cat paw marks on them. There's cat food all over the top of the washing machine. There's a gale force blowing thru the windows I have to leave open cos i'm smoking bad bad me :blush:

Be well, they're all here with u, such unwavering support counts for so much and is the difference between me with at least 3 glasses on board by now and me sober with early onset repetitive strain injury in two fingers
x

[Finding My Self]

Drinking- A Mental Release

Phoenix - it's good to read your post and how you're feeling a bit better?.... Repetitive strain indeed! This place is soooh good I've got it too but who cares!

Mental release - hmmm. Being AF certainly shows where the pebble is hitting the water instead of not being able to see because the surface is all roughed up by booze.... But what to do, what to do!??! I may post later/tomorrow more cr*p about my parents who are the current - and long standing! - pebble and what on earth to do about them.... but just now I am enjoying something funny!.... a glass of AF lager. I didn't used to like lager but now it's like the taste alone signifies a mental release! I 'act normal' in that I wont have one until after 6pm and one is enough and I get all the sort of 'relax with a drink' without getting drunk!! Weird but great! (Haven't tried AF wine as the stuff in the UK is sooooooh appalling. Better off with really concentrated cheap cordial! Sweet, viscous and where the idea it is wine came from I really don't know! Anyways, I don't want to tempt fate!)

But I agree that it is about discovering our response patterns all round....that means we really change/grow/learn and don't risk becoming 'dry-drunks'....

For me I love the stuff by Pema Chodron (links on thread about Budhism etc...I think! Or Google.) where she talks about just staying with changes in energy we perceive as something wrong and not masking it with something (drink) that makes it predictable. Life is unpredictable and I got to get used to it one day! Before I just made every day the same - pissed! - and missed so much of the 'good' by masking the 'bad'.... Now it's better by miles and much more exciting.... (Except my b**** parents.... Hey Ho Hum - still much to learn!)

Good luck all

Love
FMF x

[wakupmom]

Drinking- A Mental Release

What an interestig thread Marbella thank you.That has certainly proved food for thought!.
The replys are great and provide a lot of insight that i can relate to all to well.I did read some where in R J,s book about the drinkers ON switch and it is so true,once the trigger has set it off it takes a lot of training to stop it.Thats why this journey is full of self discovery.Often learning from falling,getting up and thinking of another mechanism.
I was only thinking today its like A bl..dy science course,but i relising the more we study the more it sticks and one day we will pass the test.
Thanks for all the responses too. xx

[bloggy]

Drinking- A Mental Release

I am so grateful to all who have replied- there are certainly lots of insights here.

I am trying to work out how it started- I started drinking heavily around the age of 16- I mean how did I cope with situations before that? I guess I didn't really cope looking back, i just muddled through like most teenagers.

What about the later starters? Any memories of how you dealt with things before the drinking?

Quote from Phoenix "I think trix and the others hit the nail on the head when they said that it's the composite: mind body spirit thing we need to work on.
If it had been me, telling the guy to bugger off would make me feel guilty, so I might feel like a consolling drink; enduring him would make me feel burdened, so I'd feel like having a coping drink; handling him well and getting my work done would make me feel self congatulatory, so I'd feel like having a pat on the back drink.
So, I'm trying hard to confront the fact that whatever I'm feeling, I can't afford to see drink as my drinking buddy, at all."

That is just the problem- just about any emotion is a trigger.

By the way- I did not tell him to bugger off in the end (in fact I have him sitting here again right now) as a week ago I was on a 4 day bender when my friend died. I was chatting away to this guy all night in my drunkenness, telling him all my problems, sending him off for more beer supplies, glad he was here to make sure I closed up etc- I work the shift alone, and thank God my bosses are away, so how can I now turn round now and tell him he is annoying me, when a week ago I was treating him as my best friend?

I was determined to tell him today that he cannot sit here for so long, then it dawned on me I bought this on myself- he did not just 'dump' himself on me. Yet something else that is the result of one of my binges.

At the moment until I finish my job here at the end of September/ Mid October I have made it my goal to have AF/ Mods days and will set myself a longer ABS goal when i finish. So even with having 2 or 3 beers a few nights a week, I am within my goals.

At present as long as I do not get drunk or even tipsy, I am happy, and will not dwell on the few drinks I have. Just a year ago, I would not be able to have only 2- so something must be shifting in the right direction.

Managed to get Kudzu in a neighbouring town today, so now have Kudzu wit 2% Daidzin and L-Glut. I cannot say after taking the Kudzu I feel any different, but I guess as with most supplements it needs a while to kick in?

Wishing everybody the absolute best and hope you are all managing well with your goals.

It really is a huge help to know one is not alone :l :thanks: