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ECHOME
September 25th, 2007, 09:51 AM
Iam all alone which is the worst trigger for a relapse. SadSadSad. Last night my wife was so pissed at me for years of unhappiness. She vented and I listened but there is little I can do or say to make her feel better. When I said I needed to get better for myself she said ITS ALL ABOUT YOU ITS ALL ABOUT YOU. I will get better in time I feel I have already learned allot. I miss my family so much. I want to walk on the beach hand in hand with the love of my life free from drugs or alcohol and all the crap from years of using. My wife needs love support help with things and Iam not there to help. Im so scared Some one is going to stepup to the plate and take her away from me. She is so beutiful she can have anyone she wants. I pray In time she finds happines. I just want that chance I know she will love more than ever. I cannot and will not drink again. Please keep praying for my family. ECHOME

Phoenix74
September 25th, 2007, 10:29 AM
WELL DONE YOU!

Day 10 ECHOME !!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you think ten days ago that you would be here tody writing this...

Don't be hard on yourself; I know your wife is hurting and I know you will try to do the best you can to help with what you can, BUT
the best place to start that journey is with getting your own life back on track.

You do have to be somewhat selfish, because you need to concentrate on getting yourself back on your feet.

You will be in a better position to be a great husband and dad if you take time and energy on rebuilding you.

She's just venting, she's under pressure, in a little time she'll understand that you're doing your best to make the future better for your family.

Be gentle with youself; work on your AF goal, other things will slowly start to come right.

Good luck for the rest of today :goodjob:

Guest
September 25th, 2007, 11:48 AM
10 days says you`re doing this ECHOME. Concentrate on staying on track with your AF and getting well. Don`t upset yourself by thinking of the very worst that could happen..........yes, you`ve made grave mistakes with your drinking and now you have to prove to your wife that you have reformed.........she loves you........she won`t run off with some other man, provided you keep your part of the bargain by staying sober.

You`re doing great........keep going and heal yourself and your marriage........it all lies in your hands.

Wishing you well,

Starlight Impress x

lushy
September 25th, 2007, 12:21 PM
Wishing you the best Echome. Just keep at it and in time your wife will see you are doing this not only for yourself but for your family.

MyOwnWoman
September 25th, 2007, 12:36 PM
Oh Echome, I can imagine how painful it must be, as you are struggling to stay sober and to have to deal with your wife's pain. How much does she know about alcoholism? Does she know what you are going through? And remember too, that of course she has the past to feel hurt and angry and resentful about, and now with you sober there has been a huge paradigm shift. She may be very confused, unfamiliar suddenly with this sober man, ... and I venture to think that she may be deeply hopeful that you will stay sober yet terrified of having such hope. She is going through much too, with you getting sober. And I believe you both can support each other just so much now, and you both need to work on your selves. What help can she get... Alanon? Are there books for family members? How about the family forum on this site.

Do you tell her the same you tell us of how much you love her?

I have a really good feeling that you are going to make it. I admire your strength courage commitment and love for your family.
Keep going.... it ain't easy, but what choice do you have? You will find peace, I'm sure of it.

Accountable for Me
September 25th, 2007, 12:38 PM
Regardless of your wife you are doing this for yourself first. Everything else is gravy there after. Your life will only get better when you are off of the alcohol and drugs.

She is upset, you are upset. The ONLY thing you can do is head towards the life of being well.

Great job on your 10 days! Keep it up. Only good things will come.

Beaches
September 25th, 2007, 01:39 PM
Congrats on 10 days AF, Echome. I hope that you are very proud of yourself. Your wife will see in time that you mean it and you are making a change. I wish you only success.

Chief
September 25th, 2007, 06:19 PM
Keep your eye on the ball Echo. You are doing it, my friend, you are doing it. Your wife is going through this too. Don't rush her, just take care of yourself. Action speaks louder than words and she will see this. She has stayed with you through the bad times and you are still talking. Try and be patient and concentrate on staying AF no matter what else happens. That's how you show her you have truely quit drinking. You're doing great!
Don

Finding My Self
September 26th, 2007, 03:20 AM
Dear Echome - 10 days. 10 days!!!!! Double figures. Be just a little pleased for yourself wont you? You have come a long way already dear friend. Big stepping stones on which to build. The foundations of any house take the longest time of the build but worth every 'unseen' moment... We can see and applaud your foundation building.

I am praying for you and watching your journey with love. Keep going; your wife is speaking with you and that is all good. I think tell her you are getting sober for her as long as you know you have to do it because YOU want to be sober. (Which I very much see that you do.) It would be very important for me to hear that my man was doing it for me (even if I had yet to understand that it had to be for/by him...) I'd feel very loved.

All the very very best to you -
Love
FMF xx

betty boop
September 26th, 2007, 07:32 AM
Echome, you are doing fabulous, your wife is a lucky lady that you love her and your daughter so much .....

Keep going :goodjob: ......

nancy
September 26th, 2007, 07:43 AM
Hi Echome

If loneliness is a trigger, can you take some steps to see people you care about? Or AA meetings? I am not a fan of AA but it does provide human contact that might be helpful to you right now.

Something I have been learning recently, not sure why I didn't before, is PATIENCE. A lot of things worth getting take patience. I have dealt with some things in the last year that have required a lot of it, incremental steps toward getting better. This has been a big problem for you and you had a diastrous night of drinking that resulted in domestic abuse. It's not going to go away overnight.

but you need to keep plugging away at your sobriety, getting yourself well for your family. You have to focus on the positive progress you make, even if it seems small. Will your wife agree to counseling? I wonder how productive these emotional sessions you two have are with her so early in your sobriety. Can you speak to someone about that? A counselor or someone at AA (again I am not a fan of AA but I feel pretty sure they would know how to deal with this).

Yet she needs to be able to vent. I agree Alanon might be good for her. and maybe marriage counseling? What you don't want to do is focus on years of unhappiness while you are struggling with getting over a drinking problem.

Another suggestion, some of the male members here have gone through issues of marriage/effect of drinking on marriage, like Satori and AAthlete. MAybe you could look through their past threads.

Take care and please take this one step at a time.

ECHOME
September 26th, 2007, 08:13 AM
Thank you guys lots of good advice. Well Its day 11AF. Time to start some hard work. But were do I start? I think the gym first to try and feel better. Then a hard day at work will be good. Then a early AA meeting. But what do I do about the mental part? You know changing the way I think? I learned that this may take six monthes to a year and a half. I must stay focused on the future. I look forward to seeing my little girl. living a healthy life being free from alcohol being with family and friends going home. It is very hard to be away from my family. Please keep my kids and wife in your prayers. I know they miss me. I cannot and will not drink again. ECHOME

xtexan
September 26th, 2007, 09:00 AM
ECHOME:

The mental and psychological part of drinking addiction is a major thing I have attacked in the past year and a half.

There is a book, highly recommended by many of the long term abstainers, that I only read recently. It was amazing, that many of the things I had already figured out for myself, were in this book, and it was great to read it. It is a very good start, on a long journey. There are many, many methods and techniques to change your mind and thinking, and this book is but one.

I am now almost 22 months AF, and every day I get new insight, clarity, and refinement in my perception of the world. There have been bumps, and jolts on the road, but I can tell you that it is very much worth the hard parts to get to the good times again. I feel better than ever now days. I never would have guessed I could feel this way again back when I started total AF back in 2005.

Here is a link to the book for you. It's on sale looks like.

Amazon.com: The Easy Way to Stop Drinking: Books: Allen Carr

Neil

Finding My Self
September 26th, 2007, 09:00 AM
Echome - You ARE changing the way you think. All the time. We can see it. It's just that it'll take 6-18 months for it to actually show - like a seed germinating under ground or the foundations I talked about. TRUST - that oh so hard word - that your work now will show itself to you soon enough. In the mean time just go on building/germinating.

Love to you
FMF xx

MyOwnWoman
September 26th, 2007, 12:30 PM
Echo - I believe that going to the gym and seeking interaction with others are steps that will fascillitate changes in your thinking. So it is said it takes 18 months or whatever to think differently, but that doesn't mean that on some day a year and a half from now you wake up entirely changed from the night before. It is incremental, changes happening every single day that you apply yourself to this healing. You are getting there, for sure.