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**Phoenix74** · October 6, 2007, 11:10 AM

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Hiya

Wakeupmom

I'm sorry I'm not much help re the current separating thing ...

I just wanted to answer you cos no-one's seen your post yet and i didn't want u to be kinda on your own if you're feeling the pressure :l

Hang on someone going thru it currently will post you.

In the meantime, will I do?

It's the most incredibly sunny evening here, Mother Nature must be a having a laugh, we get dressed here for rain, drizzle, mizzle as FMF calls it, wind, sleet, then she throws a curve ball like sunshine all day saturday when u want to watch the Hollyoaks omnibus on E4!!!

I'm doing great today thank Higher Power and Kudzu. Skidded off the road to good intentions on Tuesday night but got myself back quickly without dwelling on it for the rest of this week.

Nope I don't think u need a kick in the ass -- -quite the opposite. Go easy on yourself. I have been through a separation before and it is a hugely stressful thing no matter what the circumstances of it. It's a time when you can't get out of battle with your demons. Your haed is racing, then you're in the depths of despair, then panic, then anger, then revenge, then sorrow, the whole gamut of painful emotions.

Take it easy, deep breaths, keep on here
I'm here and so are others. Just don't have the first one, it''s the one that makes u feel like it's your best friend and it's jus ben waiting to welcome you back into the web.

You're doing great, you're here and you're not in denial xxx

**wakupmom** · October 6, 2007, 11:20 AM

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Thanx B,
Where are you in Ireland? have most of my family there.Just feeling sorry for myself today.So stupid people with a lot worse to contend with,but thanks again.So pleased your doing well xx

**Phoenix74** · October 6, 2007, 11:29 AM

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WUM

Are you set up to receive PMs????

**Guest** · October 6, 2007, 11:31 AM

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WAKUPMOM,
I know how loneliness feels and sadness and confusion! I am a single Mom too. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! I had to get on topamax to kick it. I still have bad days, where the cravings are hard, but it is getting better. Come here and post, read when it is hard. It helps.

**wakupmom** · October 6, 2007, 12:01 PM

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Hi b,and Luv,
Thankyou so much for your replys.Yes can take pm's xx
Luv how long have you been on your own?I should be over the worst .Its been a case of have i tried enough to make it work,so difficult when there are kids involved.They move into thier new home today so much bigger and appealing than the one i have,its pathetic that i feel so inadequate as a providor,seems that they will not want to come home to me.I know i will see the light just seems so far away at the mo-sorry xx

**Guest** · October 6, 2007, 12:36 PM

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Hi wakeup mum,
My kid is a teenager now, but I think that`s how a lot of us girls start drinking.........being home alone with kids........can be as stressful as it is rewarding.

It`s hard to give up our nightly comforting booze, but very true to say that, whilst drinking may calm us down about any difficult situation we may find ourselves facing, the calming effect is short lived and our troubles remain just the same when we sober up.........there`s just no point in drinking to try to change our given situation.........the drink can`t change a thing.

If you feel you can`t get a grip of your drinking, then why not try one of the meds? Either way, you can do this, whether or not you choose to take meds. Anyone can quit drinking.......it`s just that you really need to commit wholeheartedly to such a decision.

Wishing you love and strength.

Starlight Impress x

P.S.
Kids don`t really care about fancy big houses and expensive stuff.......all they really want is the love of good parents, like yourself.

**wakupmom** · October 6, 2007, 12:50 PM

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Star! you really are!!Allways there with the most valuable words,
Thankyou, just on a low at the mo-Lets watch x-factor together xx

**nancy** · October 6, 2007, 12:51 PM

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Hi Wakupmom

I haven't been in your situation but feel for you nevertheless.

It seems you feel in competition with your ex. I have been a child in that situation.
The women think that they can't compete with the money of the man who is gone. But actually, from a kid's point of view, that doesn't matter so much. Emotional stability matters. Also, in my opinion there is no substitute for the kind of nurturing and care mother figures provide. I think our gender has so much to offer, when we are healthy, in terms of compassion. I would focus on stabilizing yourself so you can play that role. For a kid, having a nurturing mother is priceless! That's how you can provide for your children.

**wakupmom** · October 6, 2007, 01:04 PM

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Thank you Nancy,
I really apprieciate your comments.
Hope you are doing well with your A/F week. know you have been struggling too xx

**nancy** · October 6, 2007, 02:21 PM

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Yeah, you sure are right. I feel ok today though. I needed a week without any of it in my system and this is day 4. My trigger is usually loneliness. I get all lost in it and instead of working to get out of it, I just dwell in despair. I try really hard to counter unfairly negative thoughts with more realistic, positive ones. Without positive reinforcement from others, it's sometimes hard to keep in mind that these negative thinking spirals are not real. They are habitual. So keep on coming back to the website for support.

**Alainna** · October 7, 2007, 12:49 AM

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I've been sober for 8 years through AA. I've never heard of anything like this program working. Honey, look in the phone book and call an AA group in your area. Whomever answers that phone WILL be a life line for you. Please believe me because I also called them many years ago. I feared going into those rooms because I thought I was too good for them. I thought I was different, I was better. I was so wrong. Instead, I have made some truly lasting friends that have become the best support group I've ever had. I don't need medication to stay sober. I don't need herbs or a chat room. AA gave me the tools (the twelve steps) and helped me find a higher power to stay sober. Look in your phonebook honey and make a call. I can't tell you the relief you'll feel. You won't have to fight anymore. Take care!

**cuckoosnest83** · October 9, 2007, 01:16 PM

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Wakeupmom, my boyfriend of 16 years just moved out of the house last weekend. Two things have made it easier for me to deal with. One is there were no children involved and two is posting on here almost everyday. I was AF for 4 days last week but I slipped on Friday and continued slipping through the weekend. I received the book yesterday and started reading that and taking the supplements. I don't want to do any meds. I'm going to keep trying to beat this until I prevail. If you need to vent to someone you can send me a PM or just post. And like star said kids just want parents that love them.

**John35** · October 12, 2007, 12:46 AM

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losts relationships

Hey mum, I know exactly what you are going through. I have lost the woman I love and after many chances she has stated to be at an emotional impasse. I was given many opportunies and support from her, but the monster that becomes me when I drink has finally committed has ultimate dreadful deed. When I feel the urge to drink that beer, I say to myself that I'm not with her because of you, and that helps me not drink. Drinking is not worth the ones you love. I hope you can maintain your sobriety and reconcile your relationship, remember you are not with your loved ones because of alcohol. It is not worth the pain. good luck

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