Hi all, I've not been around for a while, it's almost as if coming here means facing up to my problem, and if I avoid it, I can pretend that it is manageable.
For me, my drinking has escalated. I have been able to have as much as 5 AF days together, then would binge to compensate! I have realised that I haven't wanted it enough, or I would have achieved it by now (AF I mean). Once, I was really on a roll, and the thought of the taste of wine repulsed me, I was on my 5th day and my husband (who now knows I am battling this) decided that he was going to open a bottle of red. I could have easily have said no but I didn't, it was almost like an auto-response. I wasn't in control, I just had it. Then as you all know, you feel such a failure and guilt and feel like shit, so you think you may as well drink the following night too. And there the cycle begins again.
I'm so very tired of that feeling 'going AF today' and wondering if I will make it past 3 days.
I am now on anti-depressents, and have resigned from work, but that's not due to this, it's because we are moving etc. So really I have no excuse, as I'm not under the same pressure. I have much more time with the kids and can organise my life much better. But that bottle of wine lurks in the corners of my mind, beckoning me, enticing me, telling me it's my only vice and I don't go out.....so what the hell? It reminds me of my teenage years, the excitement of doing something you shouldn't but enjoying it anyway.....
Well guys, I just wanted to let you know how I'm doing. I'm definitely going to try again, and perhaps use some different techniques, as this is just becoming boring. I hope you are all doing ok, I will hopefully catch up with some of you soon. Wakeupmom - I've missed you!!
LR
For me, my drinking has escalated. I have been able to have as much as 5 AF days together, then would binge to compensate! I have realised that I haven't wanted it enough, or I would have achieved it by now (AF I mean). Once, I was really on a roll, and the thought of the taste of wine repulsed me, I was on my 5th day and my husband (who now knows I am battling this) decided that he was going to open a bottle of red. I could have easily have said no but I didn't, it was almost like an auto-response. I wasn't in control, I just had it. Then as you all know, you feel such a failure and guilt and feel like shit, so you think you may as well drink the following night too. And there the cycle begins again.
I'm so very tired of that feeling 'going AF today' and wondering if I will make it past 3 days.
I am now on anti-depressents, and have resigned from work, but that's not due to this, it's because we are moving etc. So really I have no excuse, as I'm not under the same pressure. I have much more time with the kids and can organise my life much better. But that bottle of wine lurks in the corners of my mind, beckoning me, enticing me, telling me it's my only vice and I don't go out.....so what the hell? It reminds me of my teenage years, the excitement of doing something you shouldn't but enjoying it anyway.....
Well guys, I just wanted to let you know how I'm doing. I'm definitely going to try again, and perhaps use some different techniques, as this is just becoming boring. I hope you are all doing ok, I will hopefully catch up with some of you soon. Wakeupmom - I've missed you!!
LR
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