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**Guest** · July 17, 2006, 08:51 AM

July 17th

Hey Mary Anne,

Weekends are hard for me too! I don't think you are alone in that! I'm NOT sick of hearing this. Sounds an awful lot like me. We just have to keep practicing!!

I'm feeling the effects of the topa now. Drank a bottle and a glass of wine yesterday while I was doing all my work and this morning.....:x :x . I'm glad I don't have a hard day. I'm up to 200 mg again.

Tomorrow, it's moving day. God, I'm scared. I can't even see straight today. I hope that my vision will clear after a few AF days. I think it's time to move, though, when you wake up darn near every morning saying, "This has gotta stop!"

Check in later!
:d
Kathy

**Guest** · July 17, 2006, 08:57 AM

July 17th

I'm sorry, MA. There have been so many mornings when I have felt just as you feel. I wish I had been able to just say it to someone, and to have someone say, you are not alone. You are not bad. You are on your way to a better life. I would have been totally reassured. My husband and I took a weekend trip to the Texas hill country, saw our son's band play at a fine venue near San Antonio, stayed in a wonderful B&B that we love, came back and were going to stop to see my mother in Austin on the way home to Dallas. I called my mother, saying I wanted to stop from just a little while at the outlet mall in San Marcos, and she said, "I guess you are going to do what you want to do," and she hung up on me. Then, when I got there, she said she had a "wounded life" and I put her at the bottom of my list and she was always alone. (My mother has a history of verbal abuse.) In the past, this would have put me round the bend--or on a bender. We left. I listened to the hypno in the car. I wasn't in perfect shape, but it didn't ruin the weekend, and I didn't get drunk. Much later, I called her and said it was not acceptable in my life for her to resent me for not giving her enough attention because I could not be in two places at one time. She could move to Dallas or I would come down to Austin to meet with her and her therapist until we could work this out. She doesn't want to do either, of course, because 1) she doesn't want to move to Dallas, and 2) she knows that if I meet with her therapist, he won't listen to her bull****. She said, "You can see someone if you want. I said, "I don't need to see someone about you. I may see someone about my alcohol problems, but this is a problem between you and me, and it needs to be worked on with you there." Anyway, I was really happy with the way I handled it for once, and I know that being here every day and having this all in my head has made me stronger. Well, that's a tome. Sorry to go on and on.

**Guest** · July 17, 2006, 09:40 AM

July 17th

Morning everybody,
Mary Ann hope your day gets better....

Hang in there. Could always be worse!

You too Kathy!

Sophia, sorry to hear about your Mom trouble, that must be draining to deal with ... I can't imagine. I'm so spoiled with my Mom... she's the real "Saint" of the family:h.

Well I'm packing up to go kayak the Chetco! I might go ahead & camp overnight, haven't decided yet. But I'm gonna throw my tent in just in case...:happy :P .... YAHOO!!...:happy :d ..Judie

**Guest** · July 17, 2006, 10:39 AM

July 17th

July 17

Yeah, Sophia sorry to hear about your mom, they can be that way at times, mine is great for pouring on the guilt, then acting all passively like nothing is wrong, grrrrr:evil it infuriates me, all the games my family has always played, sick sick sick!:x 0] 8o

Kathy, your move will be great, who knows I may move too (?) I just really want to do mod, but maybe I need to do a period of abs, just is miserable for me ............may as well lock myself up w/ some monks or something, I can't stand going to any family events cuz they all "flaunt" the fact that they are drinking and I am not.............not only are the practicing alcoholics who don't care to control or get help, they are mean!! and ugly!!>: In-laws, can't choose them either! :

BUT I chose my hubby and he always says he will try to help me, does for a few days then the weekend comes.........oh well, today is a new day....

Judie, have a BALL!!! It is hearing stuff like that that makes me want to go back to waitressing again, having my days to do whatever I want and work all night (and oming home w/ all that cash!!).......just don't think my body could handle it any more!)

Check in later guys....................thanks for support!!!:h

Mary Anne:d :happy

**Guest** · July 17, 2006, 12:03 PM

July 17th

July 17th

Hi all,

Mary Ann, I like your quote! sorry you blew it this weekend. Sometimes the weekends are the hard part, especially when trying to break the habit. New day, new week - you can do this!

Kathy, you may be in absville now. I wish you the best over there. You are incredibly strong and I know you are working out some tough issues.

Sophia, sorry about your mom, don't know what that is like to deal with. I feel pretty blessed with my mom.

Judie, awesome kayaking camping sounds great!! Enjoy!!

Becca, I know you are keeping track and will make the right decisions - you are doing so much better than in the past!

Chrysa, I think we are all doing better than before MWO. Even for just noticing and watching for the pitfalls.

Shas, Hope you are having a great day.

I hope I am not forgetting anyone here.

Me, did great on Friday night AF.

Saturday, spent the day, packing, scrubbing and helping clean the new place, kitchen was my domain, for my son and his girlfriend. Not exactly ready for their move. Like NO WAY!! Friday night my husband comes home and says, they haven't even packed anything in the old kitchen. Roof was being repaired in the new place so no swamp cooler available. Grimey, sticky hot day.

Could hardly move by Saturday evening. I had close to 4 double shot rum and cokes. slept like a baby and felt like Sh** Sunday morning. First time I have really gone way overboard like that since the program. think I mentally needed to decompress and just didn't want to fight away the demons.

Sunday spent most of the day over at my parents, cleaning and taking care of them, making dinner. I am hoping my mom's meds are the cause for her loopy behavior. She didn't even recognize my younger sister when I picked her up and brought her over to their house for dinner. That wasn't the worst of my mom's episodes yesterday.

Last night, had one drink over about 2 hour time frame. I decided I would do one or none for the rest of this week.

The recumbant bike has been great - it relieves some of the pressure I feel over all the stuff going on around me.

We hopefully find out about my mom's lymph system today and about my dad later in the week.

:P :h :d to all,
Mary

**Guest** · July 17, 2006, 01:11 PM

July 17th

Hi all...do you mind if I join you on this board? I am on Day 50 and looking for inspiration and support while trudging through this and working AA.

I sure wish my emotions would stop going up and down so much...

**Guest** · July 17, 2006, 01:12 PM

July 17th

Sorry..guess I should be on the abstinence board

Can't even focus long enough to read...

**Guest** · July 17, 2006, 04:34 PM

July 17th

Hi Ladies and Gents (if any are lurking),
I missed all the activity this weekend, it was really busy out here.

Talk about putting yourself in the trenches. I have been boatingcamping since early Friday AM. I had all the big drinking friends there, we had it all, dancing late, being too loud, my girlfriends losing their clothes and crying and let's not forget the ever popular "I love you soooo much". Me, I did none of this. I hope you are all clapping for me. Did I drink? yes I did. Did I ever get drunk, No I did not. On Saturday it was really hot and at one point I felt a little to buzzed so I stopped drinking after that. I did add extra supps on all 3 days, plus the regular supps and topa.

My hubby was really great about the weekend, which was nice if you caught any of my earlier posts. He made all of our mixed drinks before we left and asked me how much I planned to drink. I told him I wanted 1 mixed drink, and a couple of beers a day and I was going to leave the wine at home. He only mixed 2 drinks a day for himself and we had a really nice time. Everyone except us, was so hungover on Sunday and it was so hot, 107, that I almost kind of felt bad for them. Now I'm just being full of myself.

Going over the weekend posts.
Becca,
Please keep writing, I need somewhere to post my "stuff" too.

Sophia,
Sorry about your mom. Family can cause so much stress in our lives and then they get mad when we freak out on them. A note about family, one of mine who was camping with us, who knows I'm trying to drink less added vodka to my last Ice Tea. Really pissed me off!

Jude,
I have an almost 9 year old that I need to give more freedom to, but I just want to chain him to my side.

Laura

**Guest** · July 17, 2006, 04:55 PM

July 17th

Jul 17

Hi Everyone,

I am just going right to this board (& not others) & posting. I can't post in the mornings for now...too busy.

Just trying to get traction here. Do you know what I mean?

Vascillating between not posting here because I am not focusing strictly on # drinks. But i hate dropping out/giving up -- because I have done that so many times in my life.

Some quick thoughts:
forgive me for not replying to everyone for today..
I think Sunday was OK for me...
Today ...good.good .interesting..just not ready to give details..bu t taking good actions..

It seems to me that those that have done substantial abs prior to mods do much much better on mods. I think I must face that. For example, Jude & Tawney.

Truth...I am really afraid that if I stop completely I will binge like some of us here do after a few days or many days or occasional AF days....I guess cause I have done that before long ago....
...... is all of this twisted wrong thinking? at this point I am somewhat stable drinking some everyday just not overdoing it....Oh -- but not by far where I should be...

Thoughts, comments, advice welcome. Thanks a lot. Really. Luv~C

**Guest** · July 17, 2006, 05:52 PM

July 17th

Re: Jul 17

Hey All,
Just went over the weekend boards(boy do I miss not being on top of the posts. I feel like I'm missing so much).

I feel this is one of the last places I can go and express how I really feel about the place alcohol has in my life. I really feel that we should be able to discuss our triumphs as well as our slips.Every major slip I have had has enlightened me in some way. This was not true before I started the program. If I overdrank I woke up feeling so down, desperate and helpless.
So, Becca, keep up being honest. If we never "slipped" there would be no need for this sight. We have probably all hidden our drinking in one way or the other. Let's not hide it from each other. That's why we are here(on the moderation board). My moderation may not be someone else's but we are all working toward some solution to our drinking.
Kathy, I wish you well in abs.I hope to go back there soon but now is not the time. I do read their boards though as they have great thoughts and insight......Bon voyage!!!!!
I have been unable to get on the boards daily(company here for another 10 days).I'm trying to keep to the "moderation" set out by mm. That is not more than 3 drinks not more than 3 times weekly.When I was in abs that sounded great but now that I'm here it's hard.I did not stray too badly last week though. If I had a drink for every time my sister-in law (who is staying with us for the month) annoyed me my count would be in the hundreds. I guess I'm ahead of the game.
So take care all. We all learn from each other.
Janet

**Guest** · July 17, 2006, 07:39 PM

July 17th

Re: Jul 17

I only get to be chatty a couple of times a week and today is my day.

Chrysalis,
The fear about Abs, I know what you are talking about. I have done the binge after the abs, but I am a binge drinker anyway. I have always done ok during the week, the last couple of years as my work load has slowed down and the kid load has picked up I have drank more during the week (that seems wrong, doesn't it!), but the weekends were always way to much. My newest fear is the 2nd glass of wine. I have been doing so good, but I am a wine"o" at heart and I am really terrified to go past the 2nd glass. I am going to have to face this as it will happen and then it will be on to the next fear. I know I can't be the only one to feel like this.

Vinophile,
I think this is one of the best places in my life right now too and by the way, who is mm and why do they get to make a rule. (showing my ignorance here)

I thought we were making are own rules here, that's why I like it here so much.

Laura

**Guest** · July 17, 2006, 07:53 PM

July 17th

Hey Sophie, not a tome! I think that you handled your mom just great! Not your job to heal Her wounded life, just your's!

Hope you have a great day and NIGHT Judie!!:happy

MaryAnne, sounds like you are in a tough place. It's hard to be alone, but on the flip side, I don't have anyone around to potentially undermine me, either!

frmca, you don't sound full of yourself, but are you allowed to be a little proud and maybe relieved that you didn't have to feel as lousy as everyone else??? Sounds good to me!!! I sure felt like crud this morning--I'm glad that you didn't have to feel that way!!

Hey Mary, hang in there with all those stressors--I think you're doing pretty well, all things considered. Hope it's you mom's meds, too.

Chrysa, darn it!! Just keep posting! Just keep trying. We're not keeping a drink count on you either, luv!

And hey Janet, it sounds like you are hanging in there this month pretty well. I'll bet you're counting the days......10,9,8,7.......

Well, I'll just be next door, but trust me, I'll be reading here, too and posting occasionally as well. I'm scared right now, but I think it will get easier after I get a few days under my belt. I'm afraid I'll be a wacko psycho b*tch for a few days though!>: :eek I hope not!

Anyway, love to you all, my buddies and friends! You are wonderful, supportive, just the best!

Hugs and kisses,
Kathy:d :d

**Guest** · July 17, 2006, 09:59 PM

July 17th

OK Kath.

Talk to you soon, after all your just in the neighboring village.

**Guest** · July 18, 2006, 07:27 AM

July 17th

Sophia,
Good approach with your Mother. You seem to taking the mature approach.
Phil

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