How bad does it have to get before.....

[Changeling]

Thanks for all the support here yesterday.
It's great to be back.

After 8 months AF, I really fell from the wagon.
One thing that really amazed me was that in spite of how well life was going when I was sober once I took that first drink things deteriorated so quickly.
Within weeks my behaviour was completely out of control.

1. All my standards dropped - house untidy/grubby - no food in fridge - huge laundry pile
2. Fell over in the street drunk and broke my glasses
3. Passed out in the loo at a party and my husband went home without me after looking for me for an hour.
4. Have been indiscreet, unkind and dishonest to people I care about
5. Got in cars with other drunk people driving
and many many more......

And yet almost every morning I woke up thinking - I can't go on like this, this has got to stop and yet I did nothing.
Why did I have to reach a point where I was ashamed and afraid of myself before coming back here??
Big question for me?
Changeling

[Flip]

How bad does it have to get before.....

Each time something like this happens you will learn from it. There's a reason it's called a journey.

I did something similar last year, so know how much you hate yourself right now. I also know you've heard this before, but don't worry about yesterday, focus on today, and then tomorrow when it comes.

DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO NOT DRINK.

[Guest]

How bad does it have to get before.....

Changeling,
It`s almost effortless to slip back into drunk mode, and that is why you very quickly began drinking again like you`d never given up.I was sober for 10 yrs., and like yourself, I started drinking again in 2002........almost overnight, I found I was back to drinking just as I had been before my lengthy quit.

Each of us are different, but many of us find that quitting drinking doesn`t cause us to cease to be alcoholics. My 10 sober yrs. is testimony to the fact that I will always be an alcoholic..........I know that now........have accepted that.........therefore am not a suitable candidate for mods.

For the dormant alcoholics like myself, I think we really do have to learn to live our lives in all sobriety and put all hope of "maybe one day" out of our heads..........just look at how so many of us have thrown away sobriety by being foolishly tempted to think we can drink socially ever again. Sure, a life without alcohol takes a lot of getting used to, but it can be done. For many, AF is the only way to remain sober.........am happy to accept that.

Starlight Impress x

[wonderworld]

How bad does it have to get before.....

Hi Changeling-

Ditto, ditto, ditto, on all counts to you, Flip, and Starlight (including the 10 yrs AF at one point!). Geez! This last attempt at drinking, I was REALLY aware of how quickly everything went to s***t. Like you - everything I cared about, even the little things, went right out the window! I went from being busy, active, interested in life, taking care of my house, health, relationships, to not caring about anything but the next drink, in about 4 days. Seriously. It was NOT SUBTLE!!! And if I hadn't had some AF time before that, I wouldn't have gotten such a clear view of the whole thing. So it's a very valuable lesson. I'd like to just take that for what it is and move on. What else is there to do?

And the good feelings are coming back. It doesn't take too long on the upswing either. Thank God.

Just Keep Going!!!

Luv, beth:h

[Changeling]

How bad does it have to get before.....

Thanks

Thanks all - It's helpful to realise this is not just me.

Wonderworld - 4 days - before everything went to **** that sounds really familiar. How can so much good be undermined so quickly. Glad you are back on track.

Starlight - 10 years, how fantastic, and how scary that after such time you are still not safe. I think there is a lot of wisdom in your thought process. Like you I must forget all thoughts of 'perhaps one day ' and concentrate on a sober life.

Flip - thanks, and I am focused on today and determined to get through the weekend AF.
Best wishes to all
C

[Beaches]

How bad does it have to get before.....

Changeling,
I have never gotten as many AF days under my belt as you but I just want to thank you for posting this. I strive to be there however and good to know that we just always have to be working on staying sober and never to let our guard down. I'm so sorry it all changed so quickly and also happy you are back and getting some AF days in again.

[hidden_gem]

How bad does it have to get before.....

Hi Changeling,

I've never got as far as you either, so I really appreciate your honesty in stating your failings - it shows that even someone who has done that well can fall down now and again, and more importantly, get back up again.

I read something recently which really made sense to me. It said that stopping drinking in itself is never enough. That what that creates is really just a "dry drunk" - someone who still reacts in the same way, but just acts out in other ways instead of drinking.

It said that what we really need to change is our deep held beliefs. And I think you have. I think that just now and then the old beliefs surface. Because you're human.

So how great is it that you have managed to do this for so long? It's fabulous! And so, you went off track for a little bit. That doesn't negate everything you've done up until this point. It's just a blip. And you can get back on track again.

It's all a long journey. Sometimes we go off track for a bit. You know how far you've come!

Gem x

[Chief]

How bad does it have to get before.....

We must never let our guard down. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. I think after an extended period of time not drinking The Beast just sort of goes dormant, waiting patiently to see if our resolve weakens or we forget just how miserable our life was while drinking, and then it slips the little thought into the back of our mind to have "just one"....devious bastard...

It's a lifelong deal, we just have to accept it. Like they say, " I don't have a drinking problem now, but I could easily get one back"

Don

[lushy]

How bad does it have to get before.....

I will never understand why we choose to drink to excess when we feel so much better being AF. I think Chief is right; we forget very quickly how miserable we feel and then we can easily talk ourselves into having "just one." We have conditioned our brains to have the quick fix alcohol provides and it takes a lot of patience to allow other things to replace that feeling.

Changeling, you are nipping this in the bud and getting back on the AF train and for that I applaud you. 8 months AF is such an accomplishment!!!!

[Reenie]

How bad does it have to get before.....

Changeling and Starlight: Thank you for your honest post. I have 3 months behind me. Hearing your stories of going 8 months (changeling), 10 years (Starlight), really puts me in check. So true, alcoholism is a dormant disease. I'm proud that I have gone AF, but knowing that 1 drink will lead to a major slip scares me. I have been feeling good about myself and my life finally seems to be going well for me, I shudder thinking of all that I will lose if I start drinking again. Thanks again for your posts. I wish you both and everyone else here on this site the best. -Reenie

[Mags]

How bad does it have to get before.....

Changeling

It happened. Stuff happens. Learn from it and move on to more success. What you might learn is that you are a lot like me and many others on this site. I would love to like to say, "Oh yes, I can have a few drinks when I want to." But I can't. It took me way too many years to learn that. Some of us are just like that. I can never have a drink.

You are lucky. You are learning this before too much damage has been done. Just go back to living AF, don't worry about the very natural slip you made, and make a great life for yourself and your family.