PDA

View Full Version : Men Rules!



hippie37
October 22nd, 2007, 03:34 PM
This is for all the females that care to hang out in the Guys place of sanctity from time to time!!

Men Rules

Women should learn these!
Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

Thank you for reading this; And now you all now why I am single again!!!!!!!!LOL

Guest
October 22nd, 2007, 03:45 PM
You almost forgot, hip.........

A (male) leopard never changes its spots.

Hence my opinion that "single" rocks.:thumbs:

Starlight Impress x

hippie37
October 22nd, 2007, 04:11 PM
Starlight Impress;212965 wrote: You almost forgot, hip.........

A (male) leopard never changes its spots.

Hence my opinion that "single" rocks.:thumbs:

Starlight Impress x
I might of bloody known you would be the first to get your claws out!!!!ROFLMAO!

Its a Mars Venus thing at the end of the day don't you agree? (what am I doing asking if you agree for!!!! You're only going to say NO!!!!)

And actually, don't quote me on this, I'm sure in the past I've seen a documentary where the male leopard has changed!

I'm gonna google and find something and post back in a short while!

By the way are you feeling better this evening? and are you still smoking or have you got a patch on yer bum as we speak!! (I know they go on your arm Star but it's hardly witty now is it!!!)

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

hippie37
October 22nd, 2007, 04:19 PM
AM - Friday, 16 March , 2007 08:28:00
Reporter: Barbara Miller
TONY EASTLEY: Yes, the saying goes that the leopard can't change its spots, perhaps not even the Communist Party of China, but that's been challenged by the discovery in Borneo of an entirely new species of leopard.

As Barbara Miller reports the animal is genetically distinct and has changed the number and prominence of its markings.

You may now quote me!!! and you may send me a personal apology and every other guy on this forum for your cruel and vicious stereo typing of our gender!!

hippie37
October 22nd, 2007, 04:23 PM
Any Borneo Leopards out there on the forums tonight up for a cat fight!. I can see it's gonna get bitch'n in the guys room later!!!

wonderworld
October 22nd, 2007, 04:26 PM
hmmm.....first the snotty list.......then attempting to prove to the lady that a leopard CAN change his spots........keep fighting the good fight Hippie.....you sound confused......;)

luv wonder xx

trixietrack
October 22nd, 2007, 04:31 PM
oh good finally an explanation. why don't you guys come with directions?

Guest
October 22nd, 2007, 04:44 PM
Hip.......do not be absurd!!!.......you know I cannot apologize for something for which I am not responsible.........you lot have stereotyped yourselves through your own actions from time immemorial!! :lol3:

Starlight Impress x

hippie37
October 22nd, 2007, 05:00 PM
http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/mly/lowres/mlyn114l.jpg

Need I say more!!LOL

Saint Jude
October 23rd, 2007, 03:00 PM
Hippie, I think you & my Hubby attended the same "charm school":H :cool:

Ahem... I do believe, you're the one that cut your hair though...DUH!:confused:
For Shame! It was SO PURTY!:upset:

cowgal
October 26th, 2007, 12:49 PM
thanks, finally

I wish my hubby had told me all that way back when, but I can handle the rules, you may have left a few things off the list, I'll check w/ him...............:H

But hey, thanks for at least "allowing us" onto this thread!!

Take care, hugs,

MA

Guest
October 26th, 2007, 01:44 PM
Nah cowgal........the guys didn`t actually let us into their group........we gate crashed. They`re loving it, of course!!! lol

Starlight Impress x

cowgal
October 27th, 2007, 04:14 PM
yeah

Nothing like crashing their PARTY!!!:H

It is fun, but I bet they secretly like it!!?;)

MA

kingfisher
December 29th, 2007, 09:06 PM
:happy: Chock one up for the hipster, that was hillarious ,It appears your just a tick outnumbered on this issue. Oh how the truth hurts ! I guess this must be why lately I havn't had any trouble leaving the seat up at my place.:rockon:

Saint Jude
December 30th, 2007, 02:32 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KvHB4zpNX4[/video]]YouTube - Brad Paisley - Ticks

Did somebody mention TICKS?

Finding My Self
December 30th, 2007, 04:31 AM
Hippie - call me old fashioned but I LOVED your list!!! Thanks!

I absolutely agree - WTF do we presume that loo seats live down when we ALL use them?!? (You see, I am that sad ol' g*t that, when seeing my loo seat up, knows there is a man in the house.....a rare and delightful event (even if it is only my own cousin!!!) (My son.....well, get him to lift the b*****seat at all!!!! And/or aim square! Grrrrrrrr!)

Wish I'd remembered all those things on your list - might not be single now!

Hugs and Happy 2008!
FMS xx

Finding My Self
December 30th, 2007, 04:34 AM
..and I can sense the very planet earth rumbling with, "My Dog, she's clinically insane!!!"

(Maybe!! :H )

Don't care!

Beaches
December 30th, 2007, 04:23 PM
I drop in and peep occasionally and am never disappointed. These are hilarious and I will not share them with my husband. These are the rules that you really need to remember:

The Women's Rules
The female always makes the rules

The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

No male can possibly know all the rules.

If the female suspects the MALE know all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

The female is never wrong.

If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a result of something the male did or said wrong.

The male must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.

The female may change her mind at any time.

The male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the female.

The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry and/or upset.

The male is expected to mind read at all times.

Any attempt to document the rules could result in bodily harm.

If the female has PMS, all the rules are null and void.

The female is ready when she is ready.

The male must be ready at all time.

The male who doesn't abide by the rules can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
Author is Unknown, but I bet it's a woman.

:h to all the fellas!!

betty boop
December 30th, 2007, 04:32 PM
Beaches, sense at last, thanks ........

BB xx

trixietrack
December 30th, 2007, 05:07 PM
Finding My Self;246866 wrote: Hippie - call me old fashioned but I LOVED your list!!! Thanks!

I absolutely agree - WTF do we presume that loo seats live down when we ALL use them?!? (You see, I am that sad ol' g*t that, when seeing my loo seat up, knows there is a man in the house.....a rare and delightful event (even if it is only my own cousin!!!) (My son.....well, get him to lift the b*****seat at all!!!! And/or aim square! Grrrrrrrr!)

Wish I'd remembered all those things on your list - might not be single now!

Hugs and Happy 2008!
FMS xx
i have one of those femeninst toilet seats that automatically slams down when the guy is finished. But then I never sit on the bog without looking first.

happydog
December 30th, 2007, 10:19 PM
Talking about toilets what is with blokes when ever they go, they can never aim for the middle, and they swear blind its was not them!
Always check my toilet seat.
Also beaches, like bb sense at last.

Love
Teardrop.x

satori
December 31st, 2007, 05:22 AM
Males may not change - but you ladies invariably do -

Into your MOTHERS - AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH! :H

Satori

xxx

Saint Jude
December 31st, 2007, 06:07 AM
Nope... not that nice.

Definately not ever gonna take that much Bullsh*t either!;)

slightlysuze
December 31st, 2007, 06:11 AM
satori;247461 wrote: Males may not change - but you ladies invariably do -

Into your MOTHERS - AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH! :H

Satori

xxx
Yes, but you lot end up dancing like your dad.......sheesh. ;)


Suze x

Finding My Self
December 31st, 2007, 11:02 AM
Thing is, doesn't show on wooden loo seats...until you sit on it.....!! Aaaagh!

Getting like my mother????? Time to go then...........EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

(Satori - just how'd I guess you'd be here like a shot?!!?? Get thee over to Betty's January slot for that calendar.....!)

Saint Jude
December 31st, 2007, 04:33 PM
I just lean back & squat w/out touching anything... it's good for the thighs...;) :H

embraceddarkside
February 8th, 2008, 03:30 PM
Hippie-interesting dissertation. I wish I could print it out for my women friends who are always baffled by the very subjects you addressed. (However, my printer's busted but I don't have the gift of being able to fix it). I have a one-liner that ends the discussion. I just tell them that male and female brains are mapped differently and that, because the brain is very complex, it is a waste of time to try to figure it out---just go with it. Women's idiosyncrasies are just as amusing.

wayside
February 8th, 2008, 05:31 PM
hippie37 u so shouldn't be.....I agree with just about every quote of yours in the mail I am trying (but I think failing) to reply to...I have accidentally deleted 2 replies so far this evening should I give up? Grrrr.......All my best wishes to you all - if I indeed manage to post this! xx

janka
February 8th, 2008, 05:48 PM
Hey Hippie, well said and understood ... hehe! j

Guest
February 8th, 2008, 06:44 PM
satori..........OUCH!!!!........that hurt!!! :H

P.S.
That`s one us girls owe you, so we`ll get you back when you least expect it!!!! ha ha ha ha ha

Starlight Impress x

hippie37
February 8th, 2008, 06:50 PM
Nice one Satori!!

Reminds me of the clip in the Heartbreak Kid just as he is about the get married!!!

Hippie
xx

Guest
February 8th, 2008, 07:04 PM
Right, that`s it!!!!!!!..........Women bloomin` well rule and we`ll have no more of this "men rules" nonsense, thank you!!!!!:pull

Starlight Impress x

hippie37
February 8th, 2008, 07:08 PM
Starlight Impress;268969 wrote: Right, that`s it!!!!!!!..........Women bloomin` well rule and we`ll have no more of this "men rules" nonsense, thank you!!!!!:pull

Starlight Impress x
Not in this thread or in any thread in the guys group will wimmin bloody well rule. Abide by the rules STAR and let's have no more of this nonsense RIGHT!! :H

Guest
February 8th, 2008, 07:11 PM
Now just you hang on a minute, hip..........let`s not forget this is R.J.`s site, and..........R.J. is a Girl !!!!! na na na na na :H

Starlight Impress x

Mackeral
February 20th, 2008, 02:37 AM
Hippie,

While these rules are both informative and funny, do you expect any woman to respect boundries..

Isnt this why women get to make the bedroom their own..The bathroom..The kitchen...The garden...The lounge..The conservitory..

And we get the shed???

ratana
February 20th, 2008, 03:48 AM
Hippie, my love, my beautiful love, what a beautiful hippie you are. You are.. you are, what a ... and so on ad nasueum. As the daughter of hippies, and as a woman who has been married for nearly seventeen years (DON"T do the math, your head may explode) I appreciate your list and just wanted to add some comments. Unfortunately, my lovely mac browser does funny things with the formatting so please forgive me if y'all's view is a bit different than my intent.

Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Two bathrooms = two people = two bathrooms. Not my problem, not his problem. One bathroom = BOTH people put the damn LID down. Inconvenient for all.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again! Men are not mind readers. Nor are women, but for some reason so many of us expect men to be..... Every year I EMAIL my husband a LIST of potential gifts, WITH weblinks and photos and prices. Every year I get what I want and he gets ... yeah. By the way, Valentine's Day is BS, but if you insist, it is supposed to be about love and relationship. Therefore, it is incumbent upon BOTH parties to agree on how they would like to best spend the evening. This is not a night for dude to go play poker and pretend he forgot, nor is it a night for missy to pout because dude didn't take her to 4 Seasons for dindin. This is about your connection with your partner.

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it. Many times, I am thinking about Josh Holloway (Sawyer) on LOST. Occasionally, about Idris Elba (Sawyer Bell) on The Wire. Sometimes, very late at night, I think about Angelina. Often, I think about global warming and colony collapse of honeybees. And the flippin' toilet seat. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Sunday = football, I guess, in Hippie world. Everyone needs their day. I agree, Let it be, unless televised sports interferes with actual human involvement, like someone's wedding, or birthday party. In those cases, my friend, the sports dude needs to look at what the hell is truly important???

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.Subjective on Hippie's part. My husband has always liked short hair. The reason HE feared getting married was that I might bring Angelina around and she has that nasty long hair.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! See my previous point about gifts. Pictures help.

We don't remember dates. . . .Period!! Actually, no one truly remembers dates.... WITHOUT reminders.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?Make an effort, dude. Guess, even. It won't kill you.

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.To yes or no questions. To, "Governor Schwarzenegger, how to you intend to rein in the three trillion dollar California budget" ...um, not so much.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.Seriously??? You can't be sympathetic? This has a deeper meaning.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.That's actually a really long hangover. Ouch. go to MyWayOut.org

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.I see your point here. In other words, if it was offensive enough to bother you last week and you didn't say anything, then you are not allowed to bring it up now, unexpectedly, in an argument about something totally different. With that in mind, if I mention that Josh Holloway looks like he is totally hung, you only get one week to get irate. Hee hee. (and he does.)

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.Huh? Who are soap opera guys and Vic - what?

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!I totally agree, size does make a difference.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.If someone can't understand plain English... RUN. If someone can't speak plain English.. RUN. Unless they are hot.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.Did I mention that I saw Josh Holloway in the Honolulu airport in September 2004?

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.Lists. Lists are good.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.Um, excuse me, honey, I am so sorry to bother you, but in case you didn't notice, the house is on fire and I am calling you from the laundromat across the street. Sorry, what was that? What did you say, aii yii yii? I can't hear you, Adam Carolla is saying something on the teevee. Oh my god, he is soooo funny, I have to go.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.Yeah, Mr Shackleton

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.No relationship is going to be like the two first sex-fueled months. So get over it, yourself, stinky breath.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.Yo. Red.. Blue... Bang bang. You dead

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.Women fart, too. Ahhh.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.See LISTS, above

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.Strangely, at this point, I suspect you don't actually give a bean, but okay

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.Does this carry over to all relationships or just the one with the little woman? Cuz here's where I see it going: "Daddy, why is the sky blue???" "Because Brad Pitt's eyes exploded all over the universe when Mommy thought about him last night."

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.What the hell is the navel lint all about anyway? can't you all just create your own clothing line?

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)What about foreign Zombie films?