Disaster

[Guest]

Ok, this is scary. As most of you know I have been using the supps and cds for about 4-6 weeks and thought I was relaxing around drink.

I 'treated' myself on Friday and have just tumbled into disaster. I went round to my ex partner's house in partial blackout, I think I pushed him against the wall in front of two house guests. He called the police when I wouldn't leave. The obviously asked me to just go home which I did via the supermarket off-licence.

I have been sent a text from my ex saying if I go around again the police will arrest me for harassment and he is going to court today to get a restraining order. I know it will actually be a non-molestation order.

We live in a small town about half a mile from each other and he owns a business less than 100m from my flat. So not sure how it all works as I know the order will probably say I can't go within a certain distance of him. A member of AA has got in contact by pure chance and invited me to a meet tonight but that is in a church about 50m from my ex's house.

Has anyone eny experience with this sort of situation? Obviously UK law is different to US so need someone from this country to advise.

Feeling completely daft and stupid. Yes I sent confused texts after his on Saturday which I know he will use as evidence in court.

[Finding My Self]

Disaster

OK UKblonde - bit of a mess eh?! But GOOD ON YOU for fessing up and coming here...

Um, I don't know what the law will say....possibly that as long as you don't actually contact your ex you'll be ok. So you can live, work, AA meet etc. But 'next time' it'll be a distance thing...

I've heard people say that the more 'evidence' you have of trying to deal with this the better....AA, local alcohol rehab contacts, doctors etc... but, just wonddering, if after the heat of the moment has passed, whether he really will go to the courts? Perhaps just wait and see....

....but NOT wait and see regards the 'treatment'....STOP...now. I don't know how the supps and CD's have been working for you but 4-6 weeks is too soon to be relaxing around booze... 6 months possibly, maybe never. Sorry to be harsh. But that semi-blackout stuff is horrible, lots of really unpleasant things happen there...come away from it now, please? Have you been AF for 4-6 weeks? If so, go back to it? If not, go to it?

Let us know your plans and what happens...and I say again, I think you're brilliant for coming here and telling it how it was. That takes courage. But stick with the 'daft and stupid' feeling without drowning in it; that will help you to not go there again.

Love FMS xx

[living proof]

Disaster

I am so reminded of several times during my drinking career that I made similar poor choices. I'm so sorry for your dilemma, but it reminds me so clearly of how much I HATED that sort of senseless drama in my life. Get back on track right away! Keep reaching out and know that you are not alone. We have all been there.

It really helps me to keep those sorts of experiences in the front of my brain when I think of picking up. When I pray each day for temptation to not overcome me, I also pray that I keep a solid rememberance of what alcohol has robbed me of. More than I can mention here, but self respect and dignity come to mind right away.

All is not lost. These episodes are purposeful. Painfully so.

[Guest]

Disaster

Thanks guys, I know the answer just isn't to have a drink. One of my worries is that I am about to go on the Drink Awareness course in the next couple of weeks so can get my licence back sooner and get reasonable insurance etc. What do I do if the court date falls on one of the days? I have to do the course it's all arranged, paid for etc and recommended by the courts in the first place.

I don't want to cause any bother for my ex, I just can't control myself when I have a drink - don't even remember how I got there in the first place...it's all just horrible.

[trixietrack]

Disaster

please come here and tell us how you feel instead of drinking. It will do a lot of good
good luck. you are aware that it's not good, that is a great sign

best of luck
trix

[Guest]

Disaster

I have spent the last 48 hours just going over everything in my head. I really hope this is the TRUE 'Rock Bottom' I have been waiting and needing for so long.

I realise I have hurt - and I don't just mean this last week, I mean over the last 15 months (since I started drinking again) a man who truely loved me and tried his utmost to help me.

If I could have stopped sooner we would have had such a good life. As it is I have a difficult few weeks ahead - trying to get work, study and finances back on track. I am going to dedicate Christmas to work (although this will be quiet for my business) and catching up on my studies as well as rebuilding my fitness.

I know I can let this relationship go now but will dedicat my new AF life to my ex who was such a caring man he loved me until he could take no more and my condition was destroying him.

I am in tears writing this - a 'drinking' budy is phoning my mobile asking me to give him my comfort and company. He was at the pub by 1745 this evening after getting a lift back home just 30 mins earlier. Says he has only had 3 pints of beer and a bottle by 2010. His daughter's boyfriend is seriously ill and he is lonely (lives on his own). Why won't I go round - he likes to confide and trusts in me.

I called (By the way he always asks "call me back I have no phone credit") and explained I am dealing with my own stuff, I have to get my own life sorted. He says that is selfish, I am just me, me, me. He can come round - maybe he can bring me some cider. We can have a chat"No, if I continue to drink last weekend will happen again and there will be no me, me me for anyone to talk to - I will end up in prison or dead" "no you won't the worse you will get..."

I started to tell him about hurting my ex, he says I can tell him all about it. I don't want or need to - I just need to get it in order in my head to make me strong so I remember and don't drink again. "You can talk to me". Talking is no good I need to do and right now I have to be clear in my head - I am no good to another drunk and another drunk is no good to me right now. I have been through just about every emotion possible in the last day or two and I need peace and quiet so I can deal with whatever lies ahead.

He just doesn't see what I am saying.

Does this all make sense or am I ranting?

[trixietrack]

Disaster

it makes sense. you are right you are no good to another drunk and vise versa.
you are sorting things out.
be well

trix

[Finding My Self]

Disaster

UK - You are making total sense and it is brilliant, strong thinking....

I so think of you and hope to read of your now upward journey....

(No, you need this 'friend' like a hole in the head....he must wallow in his own poo... hard as it semes and even though there will be times you long for his presence. I've been there...don't let up; there is better out there one day.)

Love and hugs to you UKblonde....
FMS xx

[Scorpio]

Disaster

UK
My heart goes out to you! I ended up here at MWO because of a similar situation. I actually ended up in jail for going over to my ex's house. I had to go to 7 months of court ordered classes. He messed up my head literally - he cheated on me. After drinking one night I just had to go to his house to talk. He was there with her, naked. I freaked out and they called the police. Spending the night in jail was MY rock bottom! But it didn't end there. I was not suppose to contact him at all and I would drink and txt or call him! Thank the lord he did not call and report me. I could have gone to jail for 6 months. I tried so hard to stop drinking because I knew this devil would appear and would do such stupid things. So not only was I dealing with the law, but a broken heart and booze! One of the classes I had to attend was an Alcohol Management class. In the class I really understand what drinking was doing to me. That weekend I found the MWO site.

It's been about two weeks since I've been not drinking as much (haven't stop completely.. but haven't been drunk either) and I'm gaining clarity in my head. In the hypnotic cd’s I actually say “you are moving past this relationship, do not think about him, you do not need him”. I find it is getting easier and easier.

I was with him for twelve years, he said we didn’t need to get married, “it’s just a piece of paper”. Now is marrying this other woman. It’s been a rough year, but I’m on a new journey and I now know I will get through it.

You really have to stop contacting him. He is warning you and the consequences are not worth it. He is not worth it. You have to stop drinking in order to do this. (Easier said than done).

When you feel the urge to contact him – email me, log into this site – just do something else! I found I would shut my phone off and throw it in a drawer for the evening. Although the next day I would have to look high and low for it…

Ignore your friend, he is afraid of losing a drinking buddy! You have to stop for yourself and he is not getting that!

Take care my friend. Do what is right for you. You can do it!

[Scorpio]

Disaster

I'm sorry!

I didn't mean to use your thread to post my story. After I hit send, I regretted it. Your situation completely hit home with me, as I had tears in my eyes when I read it and when I wrote mine.

Bottom line - you have the opportunity right now to change the situation. I don't know what the laws are in your area, but don't find out

I'm definately here for you..

Scorpio

[Guest]

Disaster

It's ok. Trouble is my ex is not my ex because he doesn't want/love me. It's just that my addiction and obsessiveness that goes along with that began to destroy him. It must have been awful for him to stand there whilst I ran amok. Not able to stop me, and in front of his friends.

[Lunapro]

Disaster

I'm sorry you had to go through this. It sounds so familiar, like something that I would have done. I hope it gives you the resolve to change your life. I know it took me doing something pretty mortifying, along the same lines, and it was finally the wake up call I needed.

You CAN do this! Life really does get so much better without the poison in it, without the crazy dramas it brings. Don't think of it as "giving up" something good - feel relieved that you never again have to feel this remorse, or that stinky hangover, or that sick feeling in your stomach the next day when you (barely)remember the night before. You can be free!

*hugs*

[Guest]

Disaster

Well, my first weekend in a long time without alcohol....I worked late, slightly on purpose. Had a relaxing bath and a chat with a friend. My other 'mate' started texting "call me, no credit" I replied "busy working". Later I got "can I come round in 20 minutes?" I sent back "No!" Started to feel real tired and hungry....that's when the idea of a bar meal and a few pints started to nag at the back of my mind.

So, I grabbed the glutamine and an amino acid tab. Hoovered the lounge and started a software download I had been meaning to do for a few weeks. Went out for my favourite healthy takeaway. Came back and slapped on a face-pack.

Got my college work out now so maybe I can do this after all. I know my ex is sat at home thinking I am up to my old tricks and that I have said so many times "I will never drink again". I keep saying to myself " I can do this, for myself and get self-respect again".

[Mags]

Disaster

You just said it all

You can do this. You can do this. And you WILL do this. You MUST do this.

I can't add to all the wonderful advice above, especially from Scorpio. I am sorry for the pain both of you have had. Let the old drinking friends go, at least for a while. They can only do you harm.

I don't want to sound selfish, but we are your friends for now. You need to go AF for as long as you can and you know we are here to help and care for you. You need to do this.

[Scorpio]

Disaster

Thanks Mags!

UK - you CAN do this!! Don't give in! If tempted, think of the legal aspects - believe me that works the best!! And Congrats on the first weekend without alcohol!!