please help me get serious

[cookinghappy]

I love my husband. I love my children. I love my red wine. In the same way that when I get into my car I don't think 'today's the day I'll have a fatal accident', I don't think 'today's the day that my alcohol consumption is beginning to form cancer, scirossis of the liver' etc. in my body. I even don't think about it despite what I hear on the news. I'm for the instant gratification. I want the 'high' now.

You all tell me that life is better on the other side (of drinking). I get excited. I want to believe you - especially first thing in the morning, but come early evening I think ... Well, you know what I think. I stop consulting the message board, lose any sense of comitment, and open a bottle.

I feel as if I'm waiting for a slap around the face, some kind of wake up call. Really though, I know what I need is to get through the early evenings for enough evenings to break the habit. Can any of you help me? What 'slapped you around the face' what woke you up? I can NOT drink. My addiction at the moment has proved to be psychological. Fortunately for me it's not yet physical. But I know it will become so if I don't change. Please help me want to change. I want tommorrow night not only to be different, but to be the beginning of many different nights. I need staying power that goes beyond 48 hours.

[12many]

please help me get serious

Hi Cooking happy. You sound like you've already had worries over not being around to enjoy your family. That sounds motivating.

I wish there was a jar of experience that I could send to you. I would stuff in there the ulcer, the hurt feelings, the blackouts, unexplained bruises, and the panic attacks that all scared me into getting serious. You would take the lid off that jar and take one wiff and be motivated. maybe you have to go experience that for yourself like so many of us. Sounds sad really.

How do you feel when you read the rougher stories here on the boards?

You could do some AF time just to find out what you think like when you don't have alcohol in your system. When you get a little AF time and starting waking up proud and feeling like you are making the right decision, its really adicting. Maybe you can use that carrot instead of waiting around for the inevitable indignities to come your way and hit you on your behind like a stick.

Please keep posting and listen the more senior and successful members. Good luck.

-Dave

[Skid Row]

please help me get serious

Hello, I am quite new to this place, but it is a great place, I know what you are saying and all I can do is tell you how I feel. I have been drinking heavily forever, your thoughts on cancers and scirossis seem to be there even if you say not, because other wise I don't think you would mention them. I am only on day 8, and have previously gone a couple of days here and there but never 8 in a row, I would resolve to stop, stop for 2 days, say to myself well I am clearly not an alcoholic because I can stop no bother and then pick up exactly where I left off, in fact probably with a little more vigour as I had after all had a rest for 2 days. This time - with the support from the people on here I feel stronger, I feel that I can do it, I think being alloud to be honest to some on here and to myself has made this happen. I think, just choose not to, try it for a week, and who knows maybe at the end , you'll want more (story of my life, at the end I always want a bit more). As to what slapped me around the face, nothing really, I am a great hider, but my face looks like it has been slapped around a bit, however, since stopping that seems to be lifting. So vanity now is helping, as I think nope, don't want to look like an old baggage tomorrow, want to look the best I can. The only thing I would say is that after day 5 it really does get so much easier. I had loads of yucky side affects, but they are mostly gone now, and I hope to continue. Please keep on trying, you will so enjoy the ride when you hop on board.

[Suzanna]

please help me get serious

yes

Cookinghappy, I do feel for you and can relate to waiting for that bolt of lightening to hit me or the jar that 12many has to be opened, and have me say, enough! It happened to me once, and I quit for 4 years, and I wonder where that came from now and how I can get it back. The only advice I can give you is read the long term abstainers board, there is alot of inspiration there. Like Skidrow said, it really helps to be able to say, I have a problem with alcohol, to all the people here, who understand.

[cookinghappy]

please help me get serious

thank you

Skid row, 122many and Suzanna. Thank you. Some of your thoughts did hit home. I read them quietly and reflectively. And they reached me. I will try harder bearing in my the motivational things you have said. I still welcome anyone else who wishes to reply to my post. I can't get too much motivation!

[sweetpea]

please help me get serious

Hi Cookinghappy

I am now into day 15 Af and things do get better. I feel so empowered that I have got control of my life back, that I can remember every second of the last 2 weeks and more importantly getting the respect of my family back who know I am trying really hard. This is motivating me to want to carry on and try harder.

I have thought hard about what it was that spured me into trying to get the beast :alf: off my back. I have been a drinker every day for the last 20 or so years and the quantity has gradually risen to the point where it was causing me a problem. The majority of my friends drink to varying degrees. The ones I hang out with the most are surprise surprise - I don't think - are the ones that consume the most!! Anyway one evening in the company of friends that don't drink to the extent that I do jokes were flying around about my drinking habits. I laughed with the rest of them but deep down I was mortified to realise what other people thought about me. So in a way this "friend" did me a favour - I have now relegated this "friend" to the level of acquaintance because had they truely been my friend and was concerned at the level of my drinking they would not hold me up to ridicule in front of others. They might even have tried talking to me privately. But no they must have got some kick out of doing it so openly.

Anyway it got me thinking long and hard. I think that most of us don't actually realise the extent that other people are watching what we are doing and call me naive but also didn't realise that people were talking and laughing behind my back - VERY SAD - but true. So I wanted to get some self esteem back for me and YES my family who must also been suffering big time with people laughing and wispering.

So I decided to go on the internet and look for help. I came across MWO and have never looked back since. Just being able to be honest with myself and others has been of tremendous help. I have been given so much support from others but in turn try and give support to others. Giving support to others has made me feel less worthless as a person

Well that is my story on what made me really really want to do it I started a thread called Fireworkers and have given and got a shed load of support. It does take time and commitment though.

Only thing I suggest is that you have a long think about why you want to give up or moderate your drinking. Maybe make a pro/con list of the effect it will have on your life. When you have made your decision make the most of the boards because everyone here is right behind you and want to give their support and love. Keep posting and keep strong.

If you decide to go AF for a while PLAN IT WELL because it just doesn't happen by itself. Set yourself targets that you know are achievable and will work for you. Keep strong and keep postin

:l Hope things go well for you :h Sweetpea xxxxxx

[Finding My Self]

please help me get serious

Dear Cooking.... I am so wishing you well.... I read you posts with love and concern. I can see your determination and desire....and they will 'connect' when the time is right...just go on thinking them...never give up on that desire....

...if it is a real desire. I am sure it is from all you have said. The words that 'stick out a bit' to me though are, "Try", "Try harder," and "Keep on trying..." In my work we talk about, "Trying is only emphasising what we know already." Think about it! You remember being a kid and teacher said,"Try harder!" and we stuck our tongue out and gripped our pencils harder and scrunched down in our chairs nearer the paper.....and nothing happened for the better?!?! If what we're already doing isn't working, it's probably not the appropriate thing. So 'trying it harder' will actually make it worse. When we sat back, took a deep breath and thought and asked then made a decision about what to write next...something changed.

I have heard a great truth once..... a chap said, "You ask me to lift this chair....If I give my consent, it is all I can do." Give my consent are the magic words....whether you ask yourself or someone else does.....if you give your consent, that is all you can do....

Do you give yourself consent to give up alcohol for 30 days? To consent to that through and through? And then let it happen?

Until you do, you'll be driving the car with the handbrake on, full of intention (throttle) but getting nowhere. Trying harder is just revving harder and yet pulling on the brake harder .....and then getting seriously disappointed about lack of progress!

Consent is quiet and open....and just needs a willingness to be open to new possibilities and a trust from anywhere you can get it (here?) that whatever comes up, you will be able to handle without alcohol - even if a bit roughly at first....confusion and tears and things.....that's OK. It'll feel wrong because it's unfamiliar waters...but it acutally just different. And different is what we're all after here at MWO....or we'd all be doing the same (drinking) and getting nowhere!

Lots of love to you....hope you don't mind the 'seminar'! You so deserve to succeed...you DO! And Bessie and everyone....all of us!

And don't disappear....you deserve all the love and support you'll get here for sticking on the road...

Love FMS xx

[cookinghappy]

please help me get serious

Wow!

I'm amazed by everyone's non-judgemental warmth and caring. Thank you SO much. I am so touched. I don't feel I deserve it. But I really appreciate it.

[Bella]

please help me get serious

Hi Cooking!

I know how you feel! In a way, a wakeup call or slap in the face like you say, is what it can take. But, I had a wake up call, (took loads of pills when I was drunk and depressed) got taken to hospital and it still didnt really stop me from drinking again a few weeks later. I was just embarressed by the drama of it all! It took me loosing a dear friend-ship to make me think, "hang on a minute, this would not have happened if I had not been drinking!" I broke the pattern. It took me being soooo miserable and depressed to realise that I had to stop, for a while at least.

Ask yourself the question......Am I happy? Could my life be better? Do everything in your powers to not drink tonight. Just tonight. Don't think about tomorrow night. It is not easy. But, you don't really want a wake up call to make you realise that you have to stop. I suppose my husband telling me he was going to leave me, helped me to stop. You don't want to be in that situation. You are strong. Use your strength. You can do this. Make today your day of just leaving that bottle un-opened. Or better still, don't have it in the house. just for today.

All the very best to you my friend.

Bella xxx

[Bessie]

please help me get serious

Can't add much more to what has been said as they are all such wise, motivated and caring posts. My tuppence worth would be to say that only you can give you a slap round the face. But is that the right approach? Maybe you need to caress and soothe yourself, be kind to yourself rather than harsh to reach your goals?? Think about how to treat yourself well by having an alcohol free time - even just a night? Change it from a punishment for drinking to a treat for not drinking?

There is, as you know, a massive amount of genuine love and support on these boards - these people can be kind and caring to you. Why not join them!?

Is it possible to change the pattern of your evenings or your days? Can you plan ahead? Keep the wine out of the house? Make it harder to go out and get it if you do feel the urge. Do something with your evenings that keeps you away from it?

I can't really help much as I am so early on myself but I can say that I am already starting to feel just that little bit less flaky and unconfident about my ability to go AF for a good period of time. Last night could have been tricky but I came through it without succumbing (no alcohol in house, very physically busy day so very tired) and woke up this morning feeling really more balanced about the whole issue than I have for a long time. These boards and the meds are far more helpful than my own slap round the face/will power.

I am sure you turn that slap round the face to a round of applause for your own success.

Hope that makes sense.

Keep posting - I might need some more recipes!!

Bessie

[finski]

please help me get serious

Hi

Hi Cookinghappy,
And a warm welcome to MWO. Just read through all the comments and spotted my inspiration, Sweetpea, here...

I can really relate to your concerns about your drinking and how it's affecting your life and being worried about it making you seriously ill. All those thougths went through my head so many times over whilst i was still pouring the old wine down my neck. I thought i was getting to a point where i felt i was helpless and too far into my drinking to ever be able to stop without professional help.. I was waiting for that slap on the face too, the wake up call..

And then,,, no wake up call, no slap on the face. But i found MWO!!! I kept reading the threads for a week or so, read so many stories that i could relate to. Different circumstances perhaps, but in the end the problems are very real and very much the same. So i kept reading and reading.. and then i noticed Fireworks, created by Sweetpea.
Somehow i thought this time is as good as any, so i decided to take the plunge and see what happens. I bought all the supplements, not topamax though.. and went through my first night without alcohol.. then the second, then the third. Kept posting and reading the posts. And now 20 days still AF i'm feeling very good and proud of myself. I really didn't think i would be able to stay off alcohol this long ( i hadn't for years). But here i am, clear eyed and clear minded.

Here's just a thought.. How about if you read through the Fireworks thread, and maybe, just maybe try to join us for the last 11 days of november. No pressure, just do the best you can. And if you manage through that, you will definately feel better about yourself and be able to make more plans. I can promise you, no one will judge you. We will offer you all the mental support and warmth that you require. We're all in this together.

What do you think?

Just one word of "warning".. If you do go AF, be prepared to feel tired and let yourself rest as much as you possibly can. Your body will start repairing and needs a lot for rest for the first couple of weeks. Then it gets easier. Not everyone gets withdrawl symptoms either, i didn't apart from some very weird dreams. But that didn't last very long. I sleep very well now.

If you decide to join us, we welcome you with open arms. And if you don't feel quite ready yet, we still welcome you with open arms. Keep reading and posting.

I look forward to hearing from you again.

Best wishes,
Finski xx

[satori]

please help me get serious

"Trying harder" achieves nothing.

A post I have submitted before - but here it is again

One of my kids kept saying "I'll try" but was not achieving what he was supposed to be doing.
To prove a point - I held out a coin in my hand and told him to try to take the coin.
The first time - he just took the coin.
I told him "no - that's not right - I told you to TRY to take it - you took it!"

It only took a few moments for him to realise you cant achieve anything by trying - you only achieve anything- by DOING.

By telling yourself - "I will try" - you set yourself up for failure.

Just decide to DO it.

Love

Satori
xxx

[Lucy Van Pelt]

please help me get serious

cooking

I feel compelled to write to you, because I think we are of one mind.

I so understand your frustration. The desire to get rid of this awful compulsion...yet somehow, that desire, and the motivation, evaporates completely at that time of day, and we give in yet again...only to feel the shame, guilt, frustration, and self-loathe the next morning that once again, we are back at square one. And I understand the "what can I do to get what it takes?" question. I look at those who are making it with such awe...and I think..."why can't I?" I had an amazing two weeks in Sept. where something "clicked" for me, and I was able to not drink, and I loved every minute of it. I can't explain it to you, or begin to tell you how it happened (no, it wasn't magic, it was hard, but somehow, I was able to do it then...not before, and not since). I am so wanting that back. I just have to believe that if I continue to stick here, read, listen to those succeeding, with wonderful things to say, and continue to try every day, it will happen. I have to believe that. I don't hang with drinkers, don't live with one, don't go out of my way to sabotage myself. I don't have alcohol in the house. But...I still struggle daily. I just have to keep trying, I don't have any other choice.

Anyway, I just felt like I related to your frustration, so I wanted to respond.

With love,

Beth

[cookinghappy]

please help me get serious

thank you

I have changed 'my mood' to 'hungover'. That says it all. Fell asleep on the sofa. Didn't go up to bed till 4.30 a.m. I feel so ashamed.

So now I am going to go into the kitchen and chuck the half bottle of wine that's sitting on the sideboard down the sink. It's easy now because it's only 9.45 in the morning. Come 7.45 tonight it will not be easy. I have a dvd rented that I'd like to watch tonight (and remember tomorrow). Today I'm going to repeat to myself: "Tonight am not going to drink." "One day at a time." "I can do it."

For those of you who have done it, and have been so supportive to me I say "if you can do it, so can I".

For those of you identifying with me, let's all do it together, just for tonight, and speak tomorrow morning.

[slightlysuze]

please help me get serious

Cooking....so many of us have been exactly where you are now.....you're not alone! I repeated that cycle endlessly....being so p'd off in the morning and vowing not to drink but come 5pm...ping!....I was opening a bottle! The posts here have been excellent (especially FMS and Satori :h ) and maybe I can't add anymore but I thought I'd throw in my bit anyway!:H

I realise now that my 5pm *ping* was about suppressing the feelings that surfaced during the evenings....I was medicating psychological/spiritual/(sometimes physical) hurt so that I wouldn't feel it. Sometimes I was medicating boredom. What really helped me was learning to accept that life always has painful/sad/boring bits.....and there's no point in making them worse by adding a hangover and alcohol-induced illness! So I tried, nervously, un-medicated evenings. At first it was awful, but after a few days it got better and the fog lifted at about day 12. Maybe looking inside yourself for what hurts and dealing with it in other ways than booze could be helpful?

I loved the words on this thread about 'trying'.............

Do or do not. There is no try.

I think Yoda said that!

Stay close to us, Cook

Suze xx