I've had it - gotta get AF for good!

[Doggygirl]

Free is one of the better words that start with my favorite letter of the alphabet. And I want Freedom from alcohol once and for all. I'm just tired of the time I spend on alcohol. I'm tired of my days ending early in terms of any Freedom to to things because I'm sloshed and therefore can't (won't) drive, have to limit human interaction, etc. etc. etc. SICK.

I have many people here to thank for the inspiration and support as I have tried to bob and weave my way down this path. Chief, last week you gave me some much needed tough love talk about why waiting until after the holidays to get sober was nutty. I've spent lots and lots of time battling with myself in my mind (me against the Booze Beast) since you said those words. And those words are said by many all over this board - and I want to make sure that my thanks go to EVERYONE in addition to Chief.

I was also inspired by Pinkie's return to the battle. Pinkie and I both started our AF journey's back in July only a couple days apart - so became kindred spirits of sorts. If Pinkie can re-engage during the holiday season, so can I. We can do it together.

It's 3PM my time and no booze for me today. AF Day 1. Frickety Frack the Doggy's back. it's a battle but I'm winning, at least for today.

I told Mr. Doggy over lunch that I MUST QUIT DRINKING. Period. I asked once again for his support, which I am thankful to always have. I am once again coming to all of you to ask for YOUR support. And I need tough love. It will NEVER be OK for me to have drinks. Never. The last few months have shown me that. Thanks to all of you who have stayed by my side through long absences from here, and who have tolerated my posts while still drinking (and I'm one who cannot, and does not moderate...so no reflection here on those who are successful moderators, or working to become successful moderators).

I need tough love.

Sorry for all this rambling...hopefully it makes some sort of sense. I am so mad at myself for throwing away 60 days of sobriety. A few weeks ago, I threw away another week of sobriety....BECAUSE I WAS IRRITATED WITH MR. DOGGY over something stupid. How nuts is that? I know it's gonna be hard. But I have GOT to treat this thing just like I had to treat cigarettes in order to quit nicotine. I CAN'T TOUCH THE STUFF EVER, EVER AGAIN.

My 9 month anniversary of quitting smoking was this past Monday. I thought to myself how WONDERFUL I feel as an ex-smoker. No more nico-ball and chain running my life. No more wasted time OR money on cigarettes. A cleaning lady again! I don't hack and cough in my sleep and during most of my waking time. I can workout without my lungs burning a hole in my chest.

9 months from today, I want to be writing that type of a list about how good it feels to be 9 months AF, and how eternally glad I am for toughing it out and just doing it.

Thank you for listening. Thank you in advance for the much needed encouragement and support that I know you will all give me. And I want to give back as good as I get, so I hope I can do that too.

DG
Day 1 AF

[Guest]

I've had it - gotta get AF for good!

Hi DG,
I also think you need to "take the bull by the horns" and stop NOW, or tomorrow never comes. Am saying this to you because I remember just how exhilarated you were to be AF before. You did it before says you can do it again. Stop doubting yourself and have faith in yourself. You KNOW you can do it.

Starlight Impress x

P.S........you quit the fags.........am still smoking, unfortunately. But, now that I`ve quit drinking, I really do believe that it`s harder to quit smoking than it is drinking. You`re tough.........you beat the fags........says much for you.

[lushy]

I've had it - gotta get AF for good!

With determination like that I know you will make it!

[Finding My Self]

I've had it - gotta get AF for good!

Doggy - that is one strong, determined post. Read, re-read and read again....again and again...

YOU CAN DO THIS. GO ON -JUST DO IT... (or JFDI...)

FMS xx

[12many]

I've had it - gotta get AF for good!

OK DG, I know we just said this in chat, but one more time won't hurt: Go DG GO!!!!!!!!!!! I'd love to hear some of the good things that you discovered during your 60 big days.

:goodjob:

-d

[slightlysuze]

I've had it - gotta get AF for good!

Doggy...this is the real thing....you've stopped. STAY THAT WAY, GIRL!:H

Am sending you one of my special Beast-bashing sticks to help. This one has 'A drink is smaller than a cigarette' carved on it. Use it!


Suze x

[bootcampbarbie]

I've had it - gotta get AF for good!

i support you and me in the AF mighty way.... GO girl go

[Cinders]

I've had it - gotta get AF for good!

DG,

I am here, too, to support you in anyway you need. Conversely, I will ask that you throw some tough love my way, too.

You and I come from the same mold. We simply cannot drink. My brain often turns to thoughts of "one or two" and I have kidded myself in the past thinking, "well maybe..."

One or two simply doesn't do it. More importantly, once we drink ONE, just ONE, the poison is in our body and mind and we can no longer control ourselves.

Chief has often told me I have to realize that drinking is quite simply NOT AN OPTION. It took a horrible night of complete stupidity and terror to make me finally realize it. That is why I checked into rehab. I knew I needed the time just to get started and learn some techniques to get past the beast when he starts in on my brain.

One thing I did learn in rehab is, "How far are you willing to go to stay sober?" That is a very good question.

Considering the options for those of us who drink like we do. 1. Jails. 2. Institutions (alcohol dementia) 3. Death

I realized for once and for all, NOT DRINKING IS MY NUMBER ONE PRIORITY. Not my family, not my job, not my grandkids, NOTHING ELSE IS MY NUMBER ONE PRIORITY. Why? Is it selfish? Hell no, it is extremely UNSELFISH, because if I continue to tell myself that those things are just as important, I will continue to drink and eventually will lose all those things anyway. In a horrible, irrevocable way.

So, I am willing to go to any length to stay sober. Whatever it takes. Even if it means I get angry over silly things and deal with emotions I have no idea how to handle, or have to avoid being around people I love because they are drinking and I can't handle that yet.

Do whatever it takes, DG. Sometimes it will be an uncomfortable choice but recognize it is the only choice.

Remember, when the beast comes knocking, just ask yourself, "What am I willing to do to stay sober?"

Your friend,
Cindi

[Doggygirl]

I've had it - gotta get AF for good!

Thanks for all of your support!!!!

Wow. I really really, appreciate all the support. Starlight, I know you can kick the butts! I shared several web site links and a couple tidbits like that in your Alan Carr thread.

Thanks lushy, FMS, 12many (nice meeting you in chat!), tkeene (beside you babe!) and Barbie. Suze, thanks for the special stick! And Cindi, what a GREAT post with excellent food for thought. Just today I was reading the Orange Papers and I liked a part in this section The 12 Steps, Interpreted

My doctor said it this way, "Alcoholics have great control over their sobriety. They can stay sober for years at a time. They just don't have any control over their drinking. Their drinking will spin out of control very rapidly."

When I think about my relapse after 60 days, that is SO true. I was doing well controlling my sobriety up to that point. But once I decided to take one drink, I could not control my drinking at all. I've just got to accept and take responsibility for the fact that I CANNOT drink. Not if I want to get the life I think I deserve! (well, I guess either way we get what we deserve....) I think what you are sharing is along those lines.

I also agree that I must put my sobriety first. That's what it took to quit smoking, and that's what it'll take to quit drinking. I am SO fortunate to have Mr. Doggy.

Anyway, I'm gonna head to bed and find a bad to worse movie to watch. (i.e. Lifetime Movie Channel) Maybe I'll get lucky and they'll have one of those awesome flicks where the guy has multiple wives he's trying to hide each from the other, etc. Those are always hysterical.

Thanks and nighty night to all. See you tomorrow. Thank you thank you thank you!!

DG
Day 1 AF

[wonderworld]

I've had it - gotta get AF for good!

Doggy - we're kicking booze beast butt to the curb. That mother-effer is nothing but bad news. It's done. We're doing it. Good night.

wonder xx

[Chief]

I've had it - gotta get AF for good!

I'm so glad to see you're ready to kick a little Beast-ass, DG. Welcome back. I'll help you any way I can.

You have Day 1 in the books, now get up and do the same thing on Day 2. When you go a day without drinking you are not depriving yourself of anything, you are rewarding yourself. Let's cleanse your body of all the nasty toxins The Beast has been putting in there.

Eat right today...drink plenty of water.....maybe go for a run. Let's get everything moving and working together in sync instead of constantly being in the hangover/damage control mode.

I'm so glad you're back...

Don

[Preciouspinot]

I've had it - gotta get AF for good!

You go girl...we are all here to support one another!

[Hannah]

I've had it - gotta get AF for good!

Doggy, so glad to see you here, with fresh determination. You know what drinking is doing to your life, and you are finally ready to kick the Beast right in the balls. Like Cindi said (great post Cindi) - make yourself your first priority. Do whatever it takes. I would also suggest that Mr. Doggie being not much of a drinker, you clear the house of booze. At least until you get a good long AF string under your belt.

I still realize that I can't have booze in the house. I admire the people who can moderate thenselves with "stuff" around, but I know I could never do it. I am just of that personality that if I have a chocolate cake in the house, I'll eat nothing but chocolate cake till it's gone. Same thing for booze. Don't tempt yourself. And rooting for you, girl! I had a feeling that when you joined Curves, you were gearing up for more changes - good for you. And how's Curves going?

[xtexan]

I've had it - gotta get AF for good!

I thought I would poke my nose in here, and offer a little something.

DG, I often see folks say, ?I can?t wait until I get to be 3 months, or 6, or 9, or a year AF?

That is OK to have goals to reach, but a lot of times I think that putting those future time frames out there may not be so good for us psychologically.

Even today, I woke up, and had a plan to live an AF existence just for today.

Even though I?m almost 2 years now, I find that I must still look at just today and plan my actions, and behavior very conscientiously.

When the mark hits, it hits, and we go on. It is a great moment to realize that we can do a period of time, but lately I find that staying satisfied right now, this second, today is the real key. I think that is why so many look to Buddhism, or Zen to provide a mindset for doing just that. They say now is all there is, and we must be in the now, because tomorrow never comes. I understand that more and more each day.

Anyway, xtexan ran a new personal best pace on the treadmill tonight, and I was thinking about it all day. I was looking forward to my cardio session, and was not 100% sure I would do treadmill, but it came to me, and I was not even trying to make a breakthrough. It just came, because I was focused on what I was doing right now, this second, to stay AF, and grow towards further healing and clarity.

I took my supplements at noon today, and did some more research in my break moments in a new area of nutrition that has piqued my interest. Enzymes. I?ll probably right a post in holistic about it here soon, but still doing some personal experimentation.

I just took my bedtime supps, and saw your post.

You will get there I know, one way or another. Hang in there.

Neil

[Doggygirl]

I've had it - gotta get AF for good!

Hi all. Yes, it's a strange time for me to be up and about - 1:55 AM in IL. But that's by plan. I'm a big figure skating fan and this weekend is the NHK Grand Prix event in Japan. There is an outfit in Russia sending the whole event feed out over the internet. Not sure what broadcasting contracts they might be violating LOL, but I'm watching! I'm officially on Day 2 and feeling good.

Hi Wonder!! Hey girl - I HAD to get AF again so I can come here lots and oogle at your angel.

Chief, thanks for the reminder about water especially! I'm doing good on the exercise front - been Curvin' for a few weeks now and lovin' it. (I Lurves my Curves) It will feel great to work out this morning with a totally clear head and blood stream. I'm gonna go get a big glass of water before the next skating event starts.

Thanks for the welcome Preciouspinot!

Hi HannahB!! It's good to be back (again). There is only one booze item in the house that would ever tempt me - and you gave me a good reminder to get rid of that.

xtexan - it sounds like you have found a very peaceful approach to your sobriety. Maybe one day I'll figure out how to stop the frantic-ness (new made up word?). I am very interested in any research and experimentation results you care to share in the holistic department. Thank you for posting to me, and congratulations on your treadmill achievement!

OK - the break between events is almost over so I'm gonna run and get some water.

Thanks to all of you my friends - you are the very best.

DG
Day 2 AF