If at first you don't succeed, ...

[pinkpeppercorns]

I get so tired of trying, but, yes, I want to try yet again. Trouble is, I'm not sure how to go about it. As some of you know, I go through horribly awful withdrawal symptoms. I have been drinking so heavily the past week or so that I don't even recognize my own face in the mirror. I need to go to detox. The local hospitals refuse to detox me (I am severely under-insured). So there's the detox center that's about an hour from here. I cannot begin to say how much I do NOT want to go there--for a whole host of reasons--primary among them being the shame and humiliation of showing up yet again, they keep me locked up far longer than I wish to be, the food is incredibly awful (and NOT the least bit nutritious) and having AA shoved down my throat 24/7. So what do you recommend? Just buck up and go to the detox center? I guess that's what I must do. I will go kicking and screaming the entire way. If I go at all. I'm not even sure how to get there. I know one person (my Mr. Neighbor) and he has refused to drive me and I'm really not in a condition to drive myself.

What a brain spill.

Sorry to be such a downer on New Year's Day. *eeep*

[lookingforhope]

If at first you don't succeed, ...

Hi Pink....I'm new at this, so probably given all the wrong advice. But you really can do it!!! The Detox center may be controlled but it is no magic pill. That magic is deep within you. Can you detox yourself? Do you have to go to work? Can you lock yourself inside, with the computer, this board...and dont drink? If not, then go to detox. But You really can do this!!! We can do this....

Everything will be okay....without the alcohol. It is killing you (us) from the inside out.

[Gumby]

If at first you don't succeed, ...

Iam sorry you are starting your new year off with such difficulties. Remember anything we put effort into in the end is to our favor. At least you keep trying, better then not. Maybe you don't have success with the treatment center you have used in the past because you have such a distaste for it. If it is your only option then try to approach it with a more positive attitude. Iam sure you are in a terrible place right now but it will not get better until you do. Try looking for the tunnel at the end of the light it is there. I know the phrase is stated incorrectly but I know there are times that you cannot even begin to see the light, it is there and it can be yours just takes will. Be strong, it will be hard at first but well worth it. :h

[dexterhead]

If at first you don't succeed, ...

Hi Pink: I was just thinking about you the other day and looking for posts. I'm sorry you've slipped again ... you sound like such an amazing lady. I don't know enough about this so I hope some of those with more experience with the detox issue can help ... sending hugs your way.!!

[Rags]

If at first you don't succeed, ...

Hi Pink,
Looking has really made the point....... the magic is within you.
The bottom line is we have to do this ourselves. We can go to detox, take pills, supplements, go to AA or whatever, but it really is our own effort and desire to stop that will get us there.
Would you be able to sit down and work out a bit of a battle plan how you can decrease your intake? Maybe make it a part of your "things to do today" list. eg: Maybe not start drinking till 7 pm and stop at 9 pm or something like that. And reward yourself when you've done it for a week... or 3 days . I don't know what may work for you, but it is your determination and positive attitude that will get you out of this.
My thoughts are with you in overcoming this

[Saint Jude]

If at first you don't succeed, ...

Hey Pink, Glad to see ya back! :l

I've been thru inpatient treatment & detox 2 times in years past.(inpatient 21 days each) I don't really buy into the AA theology either...especially after finding something that works for me... (this place!)

But just to get ya thru the detox, do what ever you have to do. Take what works for you & leave the rest... I have met some wonderful people thru AA, regardless of the other details, and structure of it...

:welcome: Back Sweetie. Glad to see you. You can do this!:h

If I can,..anyone can! Believe me, I was in REALLY BAD CONDITION when I came here.

[beatle]

If at first you don't succeed, ...

Pink, how are you doing? I see you posted on Just Starting Out. I know how you feel about detox centres. I have been several times and I hate it... for all the same reasons as you. I don't really know what good they are except they keep you safe away from alcohol for a few days. Of course that is important, but I felt my self esteem being so damaged that in the end the experience was self-defeating.

Do you have anyone who can help you detox at home? (Only do this with medical advice, though... I'm sure you are aware of the dangers if you have been going to a detox centre). Or, as Rags suggests, maybe you can wean yourself by titrating down (easier said than done, of course!). That is not so dangerous as going cold turkey by yourself.

Please keep coming here and let us know how you are doing. OK?

[Cinders]

If at first you don't succeed, ...

Pink,

Please do NOT try to go cold turkey. I know from your previous posts that would be extremely dangerous for you.

You do know that every time you detox cold turkey, it becomes more and more dangerous. Something to do with the brain chemistry changes each time.

If you cannot or do not want to go to detox center, call a GP and get an appt. We are talking probably $80 for the visit. Have them give you Librium to get through the detox. That will keep you from seizing. (Librium is actually a very cheap drug, despite the fact it is a tightly controlled substance.)

I do recommend you go to a detox center, though, that would be the absolute safest. If there is anyway you can do it, DO IT!!

I seldom give this advice but in your case, I feel it is imperative.

However, do not use this as an excuse not to try to quit. Therein lies madness.

You know as well as anyone here that detox is just step 1. (I am NOT talking the AA 12 steps, btw)

After you detox, you have other issues to deal with. I love MWO, truly, and find much love and strength here but also know I need to use other tools to get well.

There MUST be a resource you can find in your area that will help with counseling based on your income -- or lack thereof. Other resources are churches or AA (I know many hate it but at least they are there for you).

Do whatever you must to get well. It is a difficult task, as everyone here knows, but the only path we can take. Figure out what you must do to stay clean and sober.

LOVE and STRENGTH and HOPE for you,
Cindi

[trixietrack]

If at first you don't succeed, ...

Hi again pink
So sorry that you are going through so much pain. my advice would be to read cindi's post.
sending you lots of healing energy.
The detox facility doesn't sound that great, but if that is your only choice right now, please try it, we will be here to support you.
good luck and a big hug to you

Trix

[pinkpeppercorns]

If at first you don't succeed, ...

i'M not dooing wleelll. this time is it's BAAD. i got up to very large quantitiies (for me, anyway)) my neighbor iss checking iin on me v veery once in z whiilee. he's going to ggo getgt me some boozee in haflf aann houorr. i'm goingg to try taperring off. he's going tgo monitor my intake. he ash asperger's ssynrome so he offtene getss sidetrracked for hourrss on end. i just hope he dones't ffoorrgtett tot keep ccheeccking on me. he's alll i haave,, unfortunaately. i hope my boddyy can hang in there for another halfrff hour.

[pinkpeppercorns]

If at first you don't succeed, ...

i pout a call in to my doc and askeed for ativan. i just hope he geetgts back to me soon. he was extreemely reluctant abbouut preescribing it last time i asked. insttead, he prersccribed tranxene which is oiing NOTHHING for me.

i don't have a way to getgt to detox.

[Dolly Sunshine]

If at first you don't succeed, ...

How are you doing Pink?

[Miss October]

If at first you don't succeed, ...

Dear Pink,

I so agree with DB2. Do not go cold turkey if you have withdrawls symptoms as bad as you say. It could be very dangerous. Before I started trying some AF days, I had to slowly cut down on my alcohol consumption. So for three days in a row, I would have two glasses of wine each night and by the forth night none. Now I am not a person to moderate, but I had no choice because I do not like the withdrawl symptoms, because once I swear there were bugs attacking me in my bed while I was sleeping....I guess it was a form of hallucinating). So anyway that worked for me, but if you can't do that, I recommend Detox for a safe withdrawl. Good Luck to you. You're in my prayers.

[pinkpeppercorns]

If at first you don't succeed, ...

Ooooof, my neigbhor just brought me a few swigs. I barfed most of it up but he insisted I drink the rest. (Just what you want to do after barfing.) My shakes were especially violent. They're not quite so bad now. I need to get my buns into detox. Just not sure how to get ther.e

[Cinders]

If at first you don't succeed, ...

Pink,

I just pm'd MDBiker, who once posted a list of FREE REHAB centers all over the US.

Hopefully he will post the list here when he sees the pm.

Hang in there. Keep taking small swigs every so often if that is what keeps you from seizing, okay?

Hang in there and be safe and get sober.

Love,
Cindi