how many failed mods before...

[emily]

you all realised that abstinence is the way to go. I have only tried moderation once after a 30 day AF. It worked for only a short time then I gave myself permission to go back to my old ways and since then I was drinking more than ever before. I didn't even bother to come back to MWO. I used the excuse that I had just got over the most stressful few months of my life and I was being 'good to myself!'

I am on 2nd day AF and armed to the teeth with hyno and supps and determination. I am now going for a 90 day AF but do not know if moderation or abstinence is the way to go. After last time I feel scared of letting myself down again. At the moment abstinence doesn't scare me but I know that's because I'm highly motivated at the moment and on a high from the 'prison break'

[Miss October]

how many failed mods before...

Hi Emily,

I have come to terms that I cannot mod. It is way too much work to keep it under control. Been only trying to drink on weekends, and that makes it so much harder to even abstain during the week. The only way is abstinence. I completed my 1 Day AF last night, and I'm looking foward to abstaining tonight also. I would love to say I could do a 30 day or 90 Day AF...........that's what I want........but I have to take it one day at a time.

Glad you are back and good luck to you in your journey to be AF..........I"ll be right there with you along the way. Take Care,

[Eastender]

how many failed mods before...

Hi Emily,
I too did the 30 days Af and tried to Mod December, Did not work for me either, When I did drink I could not control the amount.
I would love to do 90 days this time (or more)but taking ODAT thats the only way I can cope.
I am on day 2 AF as well and will do my best! Look forward to hearing of your progress, good luck.

Eastx

[rob]

how many failed mods before...

I've tried mods several times over the years and for me it just doesn't work. I start out with the best of intentions but it doesn't take long before I'm drinking as much as I was before. This last time, before finding MWO I was drinking much more and much more frequently than I ever had. At this point I'm just not seeing mods in my future.

[Diamond7]

how many failed mods before...

I've tried moderation for years and it worked for up to several months but for me taking a drink on that one odd day that I'm really mad or depressed will let me give myself 'permission' to have more until I hit the point of exploding or getting suicidal.

Now I know that I can't handle it, not now, and possibly never. The difference is that right now drinking scares me more than the thought of never drinking again. If I never wake up hungover again I will live. If I drink, I may not. It's just that simple for me and I don't dare let myself think anything else, my very life depends on it!

Only you can make the decision of what you can handle. If your experience tells you that mods don't work for you, then there is your decision. Whatever you decide, be honest with yourself. Good luck with your 90 days AF, I'll be right here cheering you on .

[trixietrack]

how many failed mods before...

I think that going mods doesn't work if you have already had a problem with drinking.
the only way it works is if you catch your problem early. It also takes a lot of discipline.
Trix

[retteacher]

how many failed mods before...

I'm like the others who have shared before me. I've tried countless times to mod. I've given myself strict rules (no drinks before a certain time, a certain number of drinks, a certain type of drink, etc. etc.). Once I put even a little alcohol into my body, I'm hooked & there goes the whole bottle. The rationing out of the booze is exhausting & distracting. Now, I can face a life wo/booze. In the beginning, I used the one day at a time (ODAT) approach. "I will not drink today." That felt manageable. Mary

[july232007]

how many failed mods before...

Emily,

There is much experience in the above posts. The similarity, that I too share, is that if you have tried mods you know pretty quickly if it fails. For some it may work but for many others it simply does not. It is not judgmental to find the right and best answer for you.

Someone here once wrote: drinking 0 or 12 drinks that's easy, drinking 2 now that's hard. For me that is impossible. So after trial and failure for quite a few years w/ mods I came around to see that AF is for me. And, it has been the best decision for me.

Good luck and listen to that little survival voice inside of you.

July

Day 161 AF

[Cinders]

how many failed mods before...

From July,

It is not judgmental to find the right and best answer for you.

From Eastender,

I too did the 30 days Af and tried to Mod December, Did not work for me either, When I did drink I could not control the amount.

For many of us, this is the way it is. Actually, the easiest way often is to go AF. Trying to mod is waaay too much work for us. Always considering when, how much, what should I do between drinks? and then when we do drink all the "good intentions" go out the window. Once we start drinking, there it goes.

One is too many...

Cindi

[meditation mama]

how many failed mods before...

I also tried MODS, many times, actually my whole life. But really tried this fall after a few 30 day stints. I also think that if you truly sit with yourself that you can answer the question for yourself. Even when I went back to trying to MOD, I think I deeply know that it would not work. I have had too many years of trying. Also, it is SO difficult! The energy I put into MOD-ing was enormous! It was a constant struggle and the dialog in my head was never-ending! So, for me I have to accept that I cannot drink - I am a non-drinker. The freedom that comes with this is far more enjoyable and peaceful than any one drink could ever give me. So, I too am on Day 2, I am very hopeful and confident that this is the one that sticks for me. I wish you the best and good luck on your 90 days!

Namaste,

MM

[Finding My Self]

how many failed mods before...

Really, really good luck for your 90 days!

And 90 days is really the minimum AF before trying mods I think. It was said to me and I went for that....and then more! It was about day 106 that I tried an AF beer....and then the occasional half glass of wine and soda. And currently it is OK...

....I am worried a bit about posting this as I would hate to suggest that modding is OK for everyone when clearly it isn't. I think I am just lucky.... But I do know that it was posts from people that could mod that got me to the 90 day mark....I think that at that stage, if I had really thought that I was never going to be able to drink again, I would never have stuck to it. So I lurked around the long term mods board and 'hoped'!

And, for me, it seems to be ok; I don't want it much, I can go to a pub and have one glass over 2 hours and want no more, or just have a Coke. I don't like the feeling of being drunk....even slightly. (Which is amazing considering where I was 10 months ago! I didn't like it but it didn't stop me being it!?!?!) I dunno why but, as I say, I am very lucky. For some, maybe genetics or chemical make up make it impossible and I am just blessed to not seem to be one; for some I know even their cough med would 'set them off'. But I am so glad so many here said don't even attempt mods for 90-100 days.... I know I couldn't have done it at 30 days...there was still too much habit around. My thinking hadn't even begun to change!

So now I am in a 'happy' place around it but do I ever want to lose my 'respect' for the stuff? NO!!! (As in, the 'stuff' deserves only the 'respect' one has for crossing a busy highway.....fear I guess! And I now want to respect my own self-respect!))

Why do I even have the one glass if I feel like this? Well, I guess because I can.... because I can make the decision.... and because it makes it simpler to be seen as someone who drinks just a bit but not as someone who 'can't' with all the unkind things I thought people I knew 'were' saying!!! (Note, only 'thought'....don't know if they do and if they do, well, what's their problem?!?!)

Hope this helps and not hinders! I really, really do!

Go get those 90 days and feel good. And if they become 90,000 days, well, just feel fabulous!!

With loads of best wishes to you.
FMS xx

[keeta]

how many failed mods before...

hello all!
As with the others posting before me, I simply cannot moderate my drinking. I will drink every drop until it is gone, and if I am not drunk enough or not passsed out will want more. So for now it is AF for me, (and probably every day in the foreseeable future if I don't lie to myself), as the only way for me to control my alcohol consumption.
Good luck, and I hope you post often about your journey. Reading other peoples thoughts, failures and successes makes me want to share my own. What a terrific group here! I feel blessed to have found it!

[hulagirl]

how many failed mods before...

About 7 years ago I know I needed to quit drinking. My daughter was entering High school and the one thing I hated about my moher when I was that age was her drinking. I didn't have any support like this group, I just did it. For four years I didn't drink because it was so hard to quit I didn't want to have to quit again. On the day I said good-bye to my daughter at her out of state college, my father passed away. I drank to get through the funeral planning with my Mom. It is always something we have in common...drinking buddies. Of course I didn't stop. So, two and half years later, here I am AF 7 days. Some people can moderate or drink occasionally, some, like myself, can not. It is all (all of the wine, beer,etc.) or nothing. I am now going to stay AF through my son's last year of High School. It is almost impossible to see that far ahead (6mos) being AF as I am still in a very vulnerable state. So, I'm going one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. I love this group and come here when I'm feeling anxious.

[emily]

how many failed mods before...

I am overwhelmed at the responses to my question and can I just tell you all that I have finally stopped kidding myself, I cannot moderate. I had a trip down memory lane (well, what I could remember) and I can go way back to early teenage years. Even then I was always worse than all my peers, even being carried home through the whole street one summers evening unconscious after drinking straight vodka, to the delight of my parents. Weddings I attended in my 20s were a licence for me to get trashed, again always worse than others. Nights out with friends in my 30s, same. Drinking alone at home started in my twenties. The list goes on and on.

But until I posted this question I buried all this away in the darkest recesses of my mind covering them up with thoughts of 'well everyone gets a bit wild when they're teenagers' and 'everyone gets pissed at weddings' and 'I had to drink at home because someone had to watch the kids'. Any suspisions I did have that folk knew I would not even allow myself to contemplate as my worse fear was that people knew I loved to drink and well it's still very taboo where I come from (a female with a drink probelm)

I have learned so much on this site and do you know what? finally accepting abstinence has really been like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I loved the quote from one of the posts that it's easy to drink 0 or 12 drinks but very hard to drink 2. This has stuck in my mind and really helps me. I know it will be a hard journey but with the wealth of knowledge and advice on this site, the supps the hypno cds and my determination for a fantastic 2008 I can do it. I know I can.
thanks to you all

[hulagirl]

how many failed mods before...

WOW! emily, I know you can do it too. What a positive, determined attitude. AF in '08! (and beyond). I too had mixed up teen-age drinking episodes, and then continued into my 20's and then into my 30's and then into my 40's. . .no wonder I'm scared as I enter my 50's. This place is really where we need to be now.