Any advice please ??

[Pestake_Dokey]

Hello all:new:

First of all, let me apologise if I am posting in the wrong place or I do, say anything that offends anyone, it certainly is not my intention, I am just hoping for some advice, and I thought here maybe a good place to ask for it ?
I have been with my girlfriend for sometime now. I have now just asked to marry me the answer was YES :goodjob:

We both come from a 10 and 14 year marriage, although my marriage breakup was very ammicable, hers was not very pleasent at all, and is still on going.

She is a very soft hearted loving woman, that would never say, or do anything to hurt a fly, as well as that, she is absolutley beautifull to me, and I love her dearly.

She is an alcoholic, which is new to me, and to some one that has never been there, it is very hard to understand or know what to do (it does scare me, as I dont know what to expect all the time). She has told me several times she hates me, no longer loves me and wants me to leave, but in the morning after another drink she says she does not mean any of it at all.

I know she only drinks when things are hard and she can not cope, I just don't want to do something that may end up pushing her away, or upsetting her.
I dont know what to do to help her, I am hoping that someone here is able to help me understand, and suggest what I may be able to do to help her in any way possible.

Thanks in advance, for any help that you maybe able to share with me, it will certainly be so appreciated.
Many thanks,
Dokey.

[Determinatrix]

Any advice please ??

Dokey - I am going to PM you.
Dx

[nancy]

Any advice please ??

Hi Mr Dokey

How long have you known this woman? Are you saying that you didn't know about the problem until after proposing?

I think if you read through the messages on this website you will get a lot of insight into the mind of an alcoholic woman. A lot of women drink to relieve depression or other mental illness or to deal with childhood trauma. I am sure many would love to have someone as caring and considerate as you, a man willing to help them work through their problems.

I don't think it's that common to have soemone in your life who likes you as you are, with this affliction. I really think that when she says she hates you while drunk, you mustn't take that at face value. But it sounds like you don't anyway. A woman who behaves like that is a woman in pain, inadvertently sabotaging a good relationship. Sometimes if you feel bad about yourself deep down, you push love away.

She probably has some issues to work out. I definitely would suggest you leading her to this website. Also, you need to be fully prepared, know the extent of her alcohol problem and underlying emotional issues, before you get married.

Take care and good luck

[Pestake_Dokey]

Any advice please ??

Hi Both,

Thanks for the PM Determinatrix, and the post Nancy.

When I am sitting here reading the posts, everything makes sense, but as soon as it all kicks off again, all the confusion starts.

She did try counciling and internet chat about being an alcoholic, but always has said it did not help her ? I may try going myself as to help me understand all this, and hopefully she may end up coming with me so we can support each other.

Anyway, the good news is that she started Detox last night at 23.30, she had promised to stop at 24.00, so this is a step in the right direction, I just hope and pray that I can support her enough, and keep her strong, to carry it through.

Thanks for your help,
Regards,
Dokey.:thanks:

[dexterhead]

Any advice please ??

Dokey: don't know a lot about this but I have heard from some that Al Anon can be a good resource for those close to alcoholics ... just a thought

[Accountable for Me]

Any advice please ??

I agree with dexterhead. Al-anon is a good place for those close to alcoholics. They have valuable insight on how you can be supportive etc...

She is very lucky to have you in her life. I wish you both all the best.

[Pestake_Dokey]

Any advice please ??

Thanks for the replies everyone.

She must have stopped the drinking now, as she is willingly taking all her medications, and I do know that the drink mixed with these tablets do make her very ill.

Fingers crossed!

I am looking at the Al-anon site now, so thankyou very much for sharing the information with me, much appreciatted.

Regards to all,
Dokey

[Pestake_Dokey]

Any advice please ??

Well, after all I could do to help in anyway possible, everything has been thrown back in face.
Yes, she has left to go back to her partner.
I had not mentioned it before, but a few weeks ago she did exactly the same.
Gone back, over some one that cares and loves her so much. Atleast I have learnt a lot about an alcoholic, from her and this site.

Thanks you all very much in your help and advice, for some one that entered this blind, this site is such a god send especially for some one like myself, new to it all.

God bless you all for the help,

Bye,
Ryan

[Last Of The Summer Wine]

Any advice please ??

Awh Ryan, if you do come back here, sorry it didn't work out, but sometimes these things happen for a reason. You sound like a lovely guy and someone lovely is out there for you. If you do have contact with your lady again, I hope the advice and support here will help you for the future.

All the best my friend.
J

[Pestake_Dokey]

Any advice please ??

I hope I do have contact with her again, she sure is a special wounderfull woman to me, who I certainly miss like crazy.

Thanks for the kind words.

Be safe all,
Ryan.