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    #1

    Merry going round

    I feel like I'm on a Merry Go Round and I can't get off, that's why i've chosen this name.

    I keep telling myself tomorrow I'll feel better and I'll quit, go to work and tell myself I won't stop off for a 12 pack on the way home, i'll just stay home today and get over my hangover, i have to wait to post something till i have been sober for a day....but the nausea, stress etc....

    I just went to a hypnotist and cut down to two drinks a week......only lasted for 3 weeks........bought the myo book and most of the supps and hypno tape....didn't work....now i'm telling my self i'll call my doc on monday to try campral (i've never tried that) and counseling.....hopefully that helps....but i'm with Kaiser (which is not great but the cheapest route in the states when you work for yourself) and have moved so i've never seen this doctor and last time i tried to go to kaiser, they sent me to their program which was very AA based.....lasted another couple weeks....i'm going to try again....

    I've got to give this another shot because i'm killing myself right now. I feel like crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I was the party girl in college and my 20s. I'd go out and drink/drug on the weekends but could always stop or seemed to have control. I quit that in my early 30s but for some reason i started with a vengence but this time with out the party - all by myself....i'll down a 12 pack a day and sometimes I'll wake up and drink in the mornings or the middle of the night to go back to bed. I've moved a lot and don't have a lot of friends...in fact i just moved this past summer, but am starting to meet people and my business is really starting to look good....but i'm going to lose it all. I don't do the things i love - surf, read, travel as much because i'm either sick or drunk or depressed......and alone.....i hide this from the rest of the world

    I didn't think this would be so painful to post this but I haven't been able to stop crying since I started writing this....i've never put this kind of thing out to the public. Maybe a support group helps too....
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    #2
    Merry going round

    Hi Merry Go Round, am sorry to hear you are so down. Am not sure I can help much as am new to the forum myself, but I think a lot of us know that merry go round feeling and it is not a nice ride to be on.

    There are a lot of good people here and I have already found their comments and advice really helpful so maybe you should stick around. Am sure they can help you too!!!!

    But the most important thing to remember is that you are not alone.

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      #3
      Merry going round

      WE are all on that same merrygoround and trying to get off!
      How long did you give the supps a chance? Maybe it wasn't long enough.......
      Welcome to the forums, you are not alone in your struggle. There are many of us here supporting each other through this.

      I'm back on day one and would just as soon run to the package store, but not today! Which also means Not tomorrow, since the AL stores are not open on Sunday.

      You've come to the right place.

      Attempting to be,
      Winefree

      Comment

        #4
        Merry going round

        i guess it's nice in a weird way to know that i'm not alone....but i certainly don't enjoy having others share my ride cause like you said it's not a nice ride to be on.....

        i have not tried the supps for an extended period of time and i have never tried the campral....

        winefree....keep it up!!!

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          #5
          Merry going round

          MerryGo :welcome:

          You are on the right track just by starting to post, hun. Vent, rant and rave - do whatever you have to do. No one here ever judges. We are here for as long as you want us to be. That means you have to really want this. I was a very heavy beer drinker for alot of years and these people saved my life just with their words of encouragement. AF 17 days now.

          Love, Me

          PS - you just found another friend :l
          Alcohol is simply the device between success and failure.

          Comment

            #6
            Merry going round

            Merry, Welcome to this site. I'm sorry you're feeling down tonight. The best advice I can give you is to keep coming back here and reading....and posting if you feel like it. This site has made a world of difference for me. I started here in November...had around 40 alcohol-free days in November and December, and I'm on day 12 so far this year. This is unheard of for me...for the past 17 years! Everyone here will try to help you...just keep coming back. There really is hope!

            Comment

              #7
              Merry going round

              Hi Merrygo,
              My story pretty much mirrors yours except on the male side of the issue. When you say you're hiding your affliction from the world and you've failed many times to remain sober, well, that pretty well describes a lot of us on this board, so you're definitely not alone in this world.

              I take Campral and it works for me to a good extent, but it is not a curall. Nothing is. One thing that you mentioned could possibly be a long term solution. Get back to your hobbies, especially during the times you normally drink. For me, it was 15-17 oz. bourbon whiskey after 6:00 pm. I biked and ran alot during my pre-drinking years, so now I find myself biking several miles at night, just to fill the time during my normal drinking hours.

              Getting back to your old hobbies, or developing new ones can be as strong or stronger than any drug you or I might take. Getting submerged in a positive activity may be the key for you and me.

              Take care and keep us posted.

              jimbo

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                #8
                Merry going round

                Hi MerryGo; It gets better. It really does. I agree with Jimbo, when I started AF in Oct. I started to play basketball and racquet ball again. Keeping active helps reduce stress and attenuates the triggers. Stay with us. Good luck

                Comment

                  #9
                  Merry going round

                  You guys keep bringing up one thing from my original post and you're right.....exercise. Well I don't know about racquetball or biking but surfing is more than just exercise. Surfing is even more to me. It not only gives me exercise, but it centers me....it's hard to explain. Before I started to drink like this....I was out there at 5:30 in the morning. I was in the water while the sun was coming up...I saw so many gourgeous sunrises. After a session I was calm, content, and ready for whatever the day brought. I woke up and was so excited to see if the next swell was in. Now I hate wondering what I missed.....well there's a swell in right now and I need to get out there......

                  Someone else mentioned to keep rambling and get what I need out and well I think theres something to that too.....i think there's something to this support thing too.... i never liked the AA thing because if you didn't succeed you were out, no more friends no more support, but here it is just encouragement to get back on and try again......thankful thanks for being a friend.....

                  thank you guys....

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Merry going round

                    Merry

                    I couldn't get started last week either and felt weak. But maybe something clicked on Thursday and I haven't had a drink since. Ok I am sleep deprived but still wake up feeling refreshed.

                    Initially what worried me was what I would do when I would not be drinking. The fact was when I did drink I was not doing anything than lazing on the couch getting p*ssed. Now I am doing things I have been putting off. I haven't done any physical exercise as such although my 12 week puppy keeps me on my toes, but I think the key for me is just keeping busy. Doing housework, talking to my non-drinking friends catching up and if I do sit down then I have a soft drink in my hand.

                    Keep reading and posting.

                    Mandy x

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Merry going round

                      I totally agree with you. I am doing housework from a year ago. Amazing how you don't see it when drunk all the time!

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