Nose Dive

[February72]

Hi everyone. Shew, am I gonna be a work in progress. Yesterday was supposed to be my new go at being AF. I nearly made it, too. I felt so crappy from the night before that I knew taking in more alcohol would not be wise. I decided it was time to crash out and reasoned that a beer or three would be acceptable as a "weaning off" approach and would help me sleep. They only got me reved up! I ended up binging

I've GOT to break my uber strong tendencies to drink...how? Just as soon as I feel up to it I'll drink and usually persist till I know I'm really toeing the line of a medical emergency. My Dr. was astounded that I'd been drinking while on clonazapam ( a benzodiazapine ). He said it was a leathal mixture that could cause respiratory failure! And I've been doing it for years with no real side effect other than being my nightly sleep potion.

Now, my brain is numb. My hand starts to go numb. I just feel like I could collapse sometimes. And it's only in this state that I KNOW not to drink, for SURE. But as soon as I feel normal I want to return to my regular routine - drinking heavily. Is it that much of a staple in my life? Obviously so. How can I break this viscous cycle?

Thanks for reading. I'd especially like hearing from anyone who's drank them self into a medical emergency, came close or did regularly and persisted like the fool I'm being.

[wonderworld]

Nose Dive

robenzo72;255987 wrote: I'd especially like hearing from anyone who's drank them self into a medical emergency, came close or did regularly and persisted like the fool I'm being.

Geez, I wonder if there are any people like this on this site? (ha ha ha).

Can so relate Robenzo. Just finished a post about how I don't give a crap fpr my health or general well-being when I'm drinking. It' shocking really. But that's how MANY of us just ARE.

Keep posting and just keep at it. Giving up the booze IS a process, and a major change, and we are all here to help you get where you want to go ! You CAN do it.

Love wonder xx

[betty boop]

Nose Dive

I did the persistent fool thing too ........

You are winning, because you want to put it right .......If I decide that I am going to have a couple of drinks then that is all I buy, it it is in the house and I have had a couple then I would just dnink the lot ....

All the best to you .......

[Mags]

Nose Dive

Sounds to me like you have to concentrate seriously on putting down some AF days - as many as you can in a row. The main thing is to take it one day at a time, one minute at a time - don't worry about tommorrow just worry about what you are doing at the moment. Just never take that first drink. Just don't take the first one. ODAT. Concentrate on that - just that.

Are you taking kudzu, L-glutatmine, anything like that to help with the cravings? Everytime you want that first drink, get on here and read or post, go for a run, do some sit-ups, take a shower, get out of the house and go to a movie, just do something else.

You can do this. Just don't take that first drink. THen you won't have to worry about the fourth, fifth and tenth.

Good luck.

[February72]

Nose Dive

Lovin' the support everyone.

Yes Mags I'm 3 days on Campral and Kudzo. Hopefully they will start taking effect now. I can't help but think because I've done this so long it's become a big, big part of me. So, I believe mental vigilance is going to be very important.

Hopefully the anti-craving stuff will really, really help...I hope.

[KateH1]

Nose Dive

You, know, everytime we drink to excess we are putting our health and even our lives in jeopardy, in one way or another. Not to mention our mental health!

I am with everyone else......you need to get some AF days...under your belt, get some beginnings of clarity. Don't have any alcohol in your house. It is almost guaranteed, if you buy it, you will drink it!

The anti-craving supps and drugs definitely help, but ultimately it still takes effort and commitment on your part. Focus on how you will feel after not drinking! Just know that cravings last a bit and then subside, as time goes on, the cravings are fewer and the intensity lessens. I have been AF since Dec.22, each day it gets easier and I cannot tell you how good I feel over all. It is well worth the effort to go AF!

Take control and start to feel better!
Best Wishes,
KateH

[InnerStrength]

Nose Dive

Its true - not having alcohol in the house and absolutely saying you will not drink today, no matter WHAT, is all you should try for for today. All you have is today and anything beyond that can seem to daunting. I cant let myself have any excuses to drink today or else I remind myself I could easily slide into old patterns. We tend to be able to convince ourselves rather easily to drink and once an excuse slips through, who knows where it will stop.
Actually, a friend of mine who is a recovering alchy said to me once, (when I told him i had bought wine and felt so ashamed and should have just dumped it) - he said, "why? Why would you do that? That makes no sense - you bought it because you wanted it and you werent going to dump it after that so dont even let yourself go there". Maybe it doesnt make sense here but it absolutely did at the time.
Anyways, I know you can do this. Reach out for support.
J

[dexterhead]

Nose Dive

Robenzo: here I am, also quite a work in progress. I ALSO have been taking Clonazepam while drinking fiendish amounts. I knew it wasn't exactly a great idea, but for some reason had the idea it was less potentially lethal than drinking while taking, say, Xanax (?), one of the fast-acting antianxiety meds, because it (Clona.) has a long half-life like an antidepressant. OK, I am an idiot. !! You have inspired me though, I am going to call my psychiatrist and actually be straight with him .... he is a big boy and can handle it ... and see how I should go about weaning off it, if I should take Topa or Campral, etc.
Keep at it Robenzo .. I know .. this struggle SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[February72]

Nose Dive

Thanks dexter. It's good to know I'm not the only one in this sorta' predicament. I echo your reasoning about the benzos. I had the same mindset. If one can moderate, I'm fairly certain it wouldn't be such an issue, but getting plastered on them is not a wise choice.
Well, I'm working on day 2 now and hoping the last two days actually made a point in my psych that this has to stop. I've started thinking on how crappy this has made my life. Also, knowing that the drinking isn't going to improve it. La La land is a nice place to visit, but I have to stop being a frequent flyer.

[GottaChange]

Nose Dive

Hi,

Try and hang in there. It does get easier and I feel better today than I have felt in years! I actually had this warm sensation from my mid section to my feet last night when I went to bed. Don't know if this is from not drinking, but I am normally always chilled to the bone.

I just layed there and enjoyed the feeling. It was just so nice to lay on the bed without the room spinning.

You can do this, we all can do this.

-GTC

[February72]

Nose Dive

It's day 3 AF and I'm hanging in there. My cunning mind began to think that 2 days would be sufficient this week and I could just restart next week. However, my better judgment tells me that I am starting to regain some long lost clarity and am actually examining the mess I've made of my life. For now, I want more clarity because I'm actually beginning to be less negligent with everyday tasks and I'm liking the progress, albeit slow.
GC, I totally understand being chilled to the bone and it is a VERY unpleasant feeling especially when you know the beast is lurking and that the struggle IS occurring.
I'm not sure, but I guess I'm still in the detox stage. The AL may be out of my body ( ? ), but my body is still adjusting to the change, particularly my brain. I find I do have a different clarity than when drinking. It's more of a practical variety and not just goals and more goals. I think I need to get on top of the practical matters before goal-setting. I do notice my chain of thought is not as "together," but I do believe it's slowly coming back. So, hopefully instead of tipping some back this weekend I will work on cleaning up my life and see just how many AF days I can achieve in a row!
Thanks again everyone for the support.

[KateH1]

Nose Dive

So happy to hear that you are doing so much better, Robenzo! You sound so much better already. Amazing, isn't it? Just remember, take it one day at a time and don't overwhelm yourself. Each small step makes such a huge difference in the grand scheme of things.

Keep posting and reading and enjoying each day of sobriety!!

Warmest Wishes!
Kateh

[February72]

Nose Dive

I made it through day three and am starting day 4. I'm actually going to fore go AL this weekend because I'm kind of interested in regaining more clarity. It's a strange process. Sometimes I look around and SEE how negligent I've been in life and at others I feel half brain dead. But, I know this is my mind trying to find it's bearings w/o the drinking.
I'm amazed that while drinking I felt I would have these "epiphanies" and now I'm looking at the practical side of things AND actually taking some action to do things. Hope this makes sense. Essentially, while thoroughly on the drink it was as if all I had were ideas and minimal actions. Now, I see my actions increasing and my forward thinking slowing down. As soon as my body catches up, I do hope the ideas return because I believe I have some good ones.
I'd be interested to know if anyone has had fluctuating moods of feeling much better coupled with feeling worse. I mean, even the down times beat the distress I subjected my body to, but while drinking I often felt on top of the World, except when it affected me adversely...ugh.

[wonderworld]

Nose Dive

robenzo72;257544 wrote:
I'm amazed that while drinking I felt I would have these "epiphanies" and now I'm looking at the practical side of things AND actually taking some action to do things. Hope this makes sense.

Hi Robenzo - Makes absolute sense to me, I think I know just what you mean. Your actions and your intentions are starting to work together, not at cross purposes. Sounds like a good description of what we're ALL trying to do here.

In my experience, without the alcohol, in time everything balances out, and the whole machine (mind, body, spirit, emotions) heals and just naturally runs better - it's like night and day for me. And, at this stage, everyday AF is major healing, even if it 'feels' really up and down sometimes.

There will be no deficit of good ideas or the ability to act on them. That's what I'm banking on anyway! Look forward to hearing more.....

love wonder xx

[keeta]

Nose Dive

Robenzo,
good job on 3 days AF. Today is day three for me..although the beginning of it!

Mood swings for me are killer. I go from almost manic high energy highs, to crying, to thinking about drinking to quiet all the upset. If I make it today it will be the longest stretch AF in a long while. Please continue sharing here. You seem to have a very upbeat out look on your own situation, and while I can't offer anything in the way of staying sober, I will support your efforts, and hopefully learn something along the way.
Great job, R.
much love and hugs,
K