I am a fuck up

[keeta]

My name is Kim.and I am a complete fuck up.

I repeatedly make the same mistake over and over, and yet I can't seem to learn the lesson..STOP.

Flash back to 16...moving out of my parents house.drugs and alcohol were fun..flash forward to 27..alcohol isn't so fun now....I think I need it.flash forward to 40.I am an alcoholic....I hate who I have allowed myself to become and I just don't seem to have what it takes to STOP...i hate who I have allowed myself to become. I am a disgustingly selfish human being who is so wrapped up in their own problems i don't see (but i do) the crap i spread.
My name is Kim, and I AM an alcoholic.
I NEED help.

[dexterhead]

I am a fuck up

Keeta, my friend,
I don't have much wisdom ,but damn I am just the same as you .. so miserable at what I"ve allowed this shitty liquid to do to me and my life .. I'm so tired and sad. let us help each other ! please be OK tonight Keeta

[myra]

I am a fuck up

Kim
This is a great place to be if you want to find some peace with yourself. Please start by not referring to yourself as a complete fuck up. No one,not even the worst among us, is a complete fuck up. Now, not to say we don't fuck up. And fuck up completely sometimes. But that is not the sum of who we are. What about the times when you are not a fuck up? Do you give your self credit for those? Probably not. I'll bet they are there though. This group is the absolute best at helping you find the best in yourself. It is amazing. They find the parts to love. And the parts to be proud of. And help to diminish the parts we don't necessarily find pride in. So hang with us for that.
Myra

[keeta]

I am a fuck up

oh Dex, bless you for answering.I am super bummer, bottom barrell.I don't feel so alone with the dancing cat and you.I don't know what help I can be to you but support....,
i am one fucked up girlie right now,
K

[Preciouspinot]

I am a fuck up

You have it in you to pick yourself and to do better. Declare your pity party "over". We are here to give all the support you desire if you let us. I don't know what aspects of the program you are doing but, maybe it is time to map out a plan and stick to it. YOU CAN DO THIS!!! It does get better...you need to get yourself in a positive mind frame and have a little faith in YOU....:l

[keeta]

I am a fuck up

myra.we crossposted.you are right....I don't give myself credit for the good things.likely an issue a shrink would have days with..and perhaps one of the many reasons I drink.thank you SO much for posting.I am feeling super lonely and needy.and your post made me feel loved..
love and hugs,
K

[keeta]

I am a fuck up

PreciousPinot.maybe that is what i don't believe..that i have it in me.but i am in a bummer mood way down south.i DO need to map out a plan you are SO right.and journalling was my next thought.thank you so much for replying i was desperate for human contact,
Love and hugs,
K

[Preciouspinot]

I am a fuck up

I understand...I really do. Real change is not going to take place until you are feeling "worthy" of the change. Do things to work on your self esteem. (in addition to the program, of course) Get your hair done, get a manicure, exercise, eat healthy, read an inspiring book, do something you love to do...anything. What is it that interests you? What are your passions?

[Leafsguy]

I am a fuck up

The journal thing has helped me through some hard times; and not just with drinking. It is very satisfying to look back at what you have written sometimes; just so you can validate that "yes, I am a great person with good intentions, just not a good plan" I sometimes surprise myself with things I have written and forgot. Try to work on letting go of your anger with yourself Kim. As others have said, you are nothing near a "fuck up" because even without knowing you, I know that everyone has family and friends that love them to death, and vice-versa....and there is no way that that is fucked up. I am near your age and fought that same demon since I was a teenager....accept your shortcomings and celebrate the fantastic things about yourself!

[bald headed old guy]

I am a fuck up

Kim,
When you are at the bottom of the barrell, so to speak, the only way to look is up! It is not easy, you know that! But you also have indicated in your posts what you want to do. You can do it, it will not be easy, but there are lots of people on here who are in,or have been in, the same boat you find yourself in right now.
Stick on here, check in often, go join the chat rooms. One of the greatest assets of this site is no one is going to judge you. and they will help you and sit with you, help you get over this one day, one hour at a time.
You can do it!
BHOG

[dexterhead]

I am a fuck up

Keeta: these guys have some great wisdom. Does it seem like the guys who join this site are more successful at beating this damned beast? don't know .. but dam Keeta/Kim I am right where you are, miserable as hell, and I want to start tomorrow in beating the beast .. please join me my friend!!!

[keeta]

I am a fuck up

Precious.perhaps that is my trouble.I don't feel worthy of change.I just don't know what to do to get there....what the hell will finially make me believe i am worth NOT drinking........(crying here)
Leafesguy.I think i DO need to journal to keep track of my messed up emotions.there are days I can't believe I belong in the human race.........I am a needy fucked up mess.YEAH me!

BHOG...thank YOU so much for responding....i do know what i want but for some damn reason i can't seem to accomplish it.i am an idiot.i am an alchie, but i drink.i watch it fuck up my life but i drink,i am sorry but i hold true to my bi-line.i AM a fuck up.......

[keeta]

I am a fuck up

dex baby friend.i will try.but my track record is poor at best

[dexterhead]

I am a fuck up

keeta, mine too .. let's try

[keeta]

I am a fuck up

ok.it is beyond me to deny a dancing cat