Tues. - Jan. 29 - Daily Thread

[retteacher]

Hi Absters: It's one of my insomniac nights & am starting this thread in the wee hours. If you are new to this thread/forum or are new in general, please feel free to share what you are experiencing. Any & all insights or issues are welcome. You help all of us when you chime in, as it gives us food for thought.

Yesterday, I was AF & today will be AF again. It's the one day at a time approach. I won't be counting days or setting a tartget. Just for today, I won't have a drink.

I drank to throw a shield around myself whenever I encountered a difficulty. The problem was that the difficulty remained on the back burner, & I was shielded from the joys of life as well as the difficulties. I don't want to live like that anymore. There's nothing in my life that I need shielding from. I can work out my problems sober.

MWO is my way out of the morass of drinking. Thanks for being here everyone.

Mary

PS: Cindi, thank goodness you're feeling a little peace of mind about Adrienne's health issue. Keep trying to find the therapist or program or whatever for yourself.

[Thankful]

Tues. - Jan. 29 - Daily Thread

Goodmorning, Mary. Hello future posters to come.

Don't know what it is, but I didn't sleep well either. Practically crawled to the coffee pot this morning :cupajoe: . Did get myself to eat something early today. Not eating often enough is another of my "fix me" projects. I tend to skip 1-2 meals a day and it really slows down the metabolism. I go hours without eating. I've proven to myself many times that if I eat more I lose weight. I just really have to force it sometimes. And believe it or not, I forget! Dumb, huh?

Ok, I know this is about Al - just a very tired mind rambling to its self. I will not allow those nasty triggers to control my life. I will not give anyone else the power to stress me out. I control my life. No excuses, period. I will not drink today.

Love to all. Have a happy, successful Tuesday:h .

Love, Me
:l

[Ask For Help]

Tues. - Jan. 29 - Daily Thread

Hi Mary and Thankful:
Just checking in. I will not drink today either. Had a great day yesterday, met with my doctor and got a Rx for Topamax. I've really cut back in January (19 AF days so far) but I'm tired of the struggle, and some folks say the meds and supps remove some of the mental arguing. I'm all for that. I do find that I'm enjoying my evenings a lot, reading etc. I am a bit revved up at bedtime so sleeping has not been ideal. But I like the clear head. So this is a better life for sure than drinking. This site, and as I've said, Mary, you have been a big help. Best of the day to everyone to come!
G

[Determinator]

Tues. - Jan. 29 - Daily Thread

Happy Tuesday ABeroonies!

how odd...I also didn't sleep well last night. no hangover at least so I'm happy and no drinking today either. it's social engagements where I seem to believe I 'have to' drink for some ridiculous reason.

Askforhelp, 19 AF days is fantastic!

be well my friends

[ChefRobaire]

Tues. - Jan. 29 - Daily Thread

I too will remain AF today...approaching the 30 day mark and thinking how Kick a** this really is...anytime the demon tries to embellish my thoughts, I read posts....and it subsides...thanks for everyone's help!!!

[Senex]

Tues. - Jan. 29 - Daily Thread

Hello all - I reached my 30 day mark this weekend, and then went and shared a single bottle of wine with a good dinner I cooked up for my girlfriend. My goal is to be able to do just that - drink a little wine with food - and I did it that time.

I'm unsure of whether to consider it mods; I think I need to keep an abstinence mindframe. I think at times, when I said to myself I want to moderate, I really meant I wanted to drink without negative consequences. So I think I really need to look at this as abstinence; and IF I choose to drink wine rarely with good food, it is more like food than like "drinking". I truly need to let go of the idea that I can "drink" as I used to.

Glad to see all are doing well. Take care.

[Determinator]

Tues. - Jan. 29 - Daily Thread

well done Senex!!

I also cannot allow myself to see myself as a drinker although I still romance the idea.

[Determinatrix]

Tues. - Jan. 29 - Daily Thread

Senex -
Are you able to define 'rarely'? I found that rarely turns into occasionally and that turns into weekends and then we are back to square one.
How do you define the gray between abs and mods??
I am really curious to try to understand this.

Congrats on 30days!
Hoping you will humor me,
Dx

[Senex]

Tues. - Jan. 29 - Daily Thread

Determinatrix;263468 wrote: Senex -
Are you able to define 'rarely'? I found that rarely turns into occasionally and that turns into weekends and then we are back to square one.
How do you define the gray between abs and mods??
I am really curious to try to understand this.

Congrats on 30days!
Hoping you will humor me,
Dx

Yeah, ?rarely? is the trick; and I don?t know if I can do it yet.

But here?s my plan for now.

1. Log every drink. I?ve been doing this for 2 months and have been able to be honest about it with myself, so I?ve got this down. (Of course, I also have a big 30 day AF hole in my log, which is pretty cool.)

2. Set a rule that I don?t drink; drinking is the exception. Drinking is planned and I have to have made a decision to drink before I do; what I mean here is, I don?t just go out and say ?I feel like a drink?. If I violate this rule, log it.

3. So every time I drink I will have planned it (or I make a special note that I'm drinking off the cuff in the log). For the next 60-90 days, I will ONLY drink with food and with my girlfriend. Not in larger social groups or by myself. The limit is 4 drinks at a sitting, maximum; goal is to keep it to half bottle of wine max.

4. For every situation where I know I will be among drinkers, mentally prepare a game plan for how I will keep from starting to drink. I have a BIG problem in large groups of people. Stay out of bars. This is going to be the hardest part.

5. No hard liquor, especially bourbon.

Ok, this sounds way more complicated than it is. It is essentially staying abstinent; with the single exception of being allowed wine (a) when I know I?m going to be cooking or going out for good food and (b) I am around my girlfriend. And I keep a log of all the times I drink or violate the rules.

Lastly, every week I review my log and see how I?ve done. I think I?ll do this on Sundays. If I can?t keep to this schedule, then I need to go back to total abstinence. If I can stick to this schedule I will only consider changes to it after a couple of months of sticking to it.

Finally, it might be easier to just abstain?but?I?d like to try this.

[Miss October]

Tues. - Jan. 29 - Daily Thread

Hello all you monthly Absters.

Mary, I sure hope you get a good night sleep tonight. I love curling up in my bed with lots of blankets and hitting the pillow......alcohol free.....it's so nice, because I get to enjoy it. If I'm drinking, just go right out and don't get that nice comfy feeling.

Thankful, you are so correct. Your body needs 3 to 4 meals a day, if not more....and that's small meals to keep your metabolism going. Otherwise your body thinks you are in starvation mode and slows down and stores the FAT for survival. Especially breakfast, most important meal of the day. So rev of that metabolism by eating those meals and get plenty of exercise, and sleep if you can.....and of course....drink plenty of water.

Ask for help, great job on 19 AF days in January. I think I can start to consider myself a monthly abster, because I have abstained for 22 days this month....I'm so happy about that. I'm just not in complete abstinence. I'm finding my AF days during the week not much of a struggle anymore. It's just the way it is...I just don't drink...simple...why make it any harder than that....Oh but the weekends......not as simple...but I'll save that for another thread.

Hey Senex, sounds like a plan. Also sounds like hard work too, but whatever it takes...go for it. Hope it works for you big time !

ChefRob, you sure are kicking butt. Awesome !!

Hey Deter....hangover free.....nothing beats that. Great Job !!

OK, let me move on to another thread before 8:00 pm. Have to watch American Idol !

[Cinders]

Tues. - Jan. 29 - Daily Thread

Hello all Absters,

Had an absolutely awful day with daughter. She was horribly sick all day. I simply cannot wait until we get some results back from tests. I am so afraid I am losing my baby, guys.

We were trying to set up wedding plans, which should be such an exciting and joyous time and she could barely think or deal with it. Sick at tummy, eyes swollen and puffy, throwing up. F.

On the other hand, I had a great day with my new shrink from yesterday that I had written off as a hopeless 12 stepper that did not want to think of anything else. We started off on the wrong foot again, talking about the Higher Power thing (I use the word God freely, have no issue with that, just don't think God is going to make me well, I have to do it..) and when I explained to her I had been to AA and my experiences there and my feelings about it and then I explained MWO and my experiences here, she brightened up and said, "So you have a group."

She feels very strongly it doesn't matter if it is AA and 12 Step or not, that "we" need a group of alcoholics that have those who have suceeded melded with those that are trying. Those that have suceeded need to help those that are trying. We all help each other. Damn. That is what I have always thought.

When I explained the foundation of the program, she didn't blink an eye. She told me that a few years from now - no time frame mind you just some vague time down the road - I might even be able to have an OCCASIONAL glass of wine in exceptional and controlled circumstances. She is not talking Mods. She is talking, once in a great while. Like birthday celebrations, weddings, etc., where there is a conscious consideration of what and how much.

However, she says for now, no such thought. Period. and I totally agree.

We both know my degree of alcoholism is way beyond considering a moderation mode.

She also agrees that if some come to this site before they have gotten to my stage, they can moderate. WOW. I really cannot believe the difference between today and yesterday's session.

Next session is going to be a deep relaxation therapy session.

On top of that, she is a hypnotherapist. We discussed trying hypnotherapy. She said sure as long as I didn't mind being a guinea pig. She has never done hypnotherapy on alcoholism, only smoking, OCD, phobias and eating issues.

I said. Okay.

I think I have found a winner.

She also talked about triggers, husband, ADD, depression and was very receptive to my trying SamE (recommended by a friend here) and told me she thought that was a great idea as long as I was not bipolar - which shows she knows what she is talking about.

Okay. Talked enough.

I am glad I found her and I like her.

She is used to the "old" 12 step way but is more than willing and happy to look at alternatives and more than that understands the underlying issues. I am ecstatic.

Love to all.
Cindi

[charlee]

Tues. - Jan. 29 - Daily Thread

Cindi
My thoughts are with you and your daughter and hoping positive test results will bring you and your family some relief......You are sounding so "up"...I am so glad you found someone you will be comfortable with, and the fact she is open to new ideas ......even better. I wish you all the best.

[Determinatrix]

Tues. - Jan. 29 - Daily Thread

Senex,
Thank you for explaining. You seem to be very focused and your rules seemed reasonable. The tricky part is sticking to it, I imagine.

Congrats on your plan. Luck favors the prepared.

Dx