View Full Version : Bum Magnet

February 18th, 2008, 03:48 PM
Battling the bottle is hard but for me sometimes battling the bums is hard too! I broke up with my boyfriend because of more reasons than I have time to discuss but one is I knew that if I want to get AF he would not be helpful. He is a nice enough guy but quite content to have no automobile, not much money and frankly a lot of things that a man his age should have. The job is the only consistent thing in his life. When we broke up before (on and off for 8 years) he got into some drugs that I wanted nothing to do with (how moral of me!) so I'm thinking between my alcohol issues and his its a receipe for disaster!

Urhg! Everytime I do go back it takes me a day or two to realize its not going to change and I don't want it but then I get a few more days and I want to call. I don't know! I've read other single women's frustrations here with both and that seemed to help. I know I'm doing the right thing by not seeing him, I do deserve a partner in life not an anchor!

Thanks for listening, had to get that off my chest!

February 18th, 2008, 05:36 PM
Thuzzy - I can relate. I have been single for a long time now, but I have a friend who I dated years ago. We actually were each others first GF/BF, cute, huh? gag! Anyway, we talk all the time and only live 15 minutes from each other.

It seems everytime we try to give us another try, it fails miserabley. We truly are that couple that can stay friends though. When I'm not with him, I miss him. When he's dating someone else, I'm supportive but jealous. He is only a year older than me, but prefers women half our age. I shouldn't be jealous because I know he and I just don't work. He won't even let me talk about anyone I date though! Weird thing is when we are hanging out, it literally takes about an hour or two being there when I realize that I'm an idiot to allow myself to think after all these years that he is going to change. He drinks (heavy at times) but does not do drugs. When he drinks he does things that he does not remember saying or doing at all. That includes him doing things in his sleep as well.

It's just for as much as we have in common, we are very different people. He is happy working under the table with no plans for his future and retirement (he's in his 40s). He pays his bills, but lives very simply because he just has no desire to do anything with his life. He lives in an apt in his parent's house, therefore he has free utilities, free access to laundry and VERY CHEAP rent. If he had to pay the going rate for that kind of apt, he would need at least 2 roommates. I don't think he realizes that "real life" is happening around him. He could watch sports 24/7 and if a game is not on, he rents a movie and orders pizza. This has been his routine for over 25 years!!! He never wants to go out unless it's just him and his friends (like I'm something to hide). We actually don't see each other that often even though we talk at least once a week. He always invites me over, it's just I find myself making excuses every time. I know I'm not his type, so why make it easy on him when he's lonely? You know?

Why I miss him when I'm not with him, I can not tell you. I guess sometimes it's just easier to hang with someone you know then go thru all that dating crap again.

We have to do what's right. And what's right is always is harder of the two choices. Move on, hun. You deserve to be happy and content, not just content. I will now try to listen to my own advise! lol

Good luck!

Love, Me

February 18th, 2008, 06:20 PM
thankx for sharing keep it up .and you are right you dont need a anchor.just take care of yourselfand get af good luck.and keep on posting

February 18th, 2008, 07:18 PM
Hi Thuzzy.........tough one.
It`s hard to end a relationship at the best of times, but when the cons dramatically outweigh the pros..........my personal experience says it`s time to move onwards and upwards. However, noone can make this decision for you and I urge you to think very carefully before you do anything.

Personally, I am sober and loving living my AF life...........this would never have been even a remote possibility for me, had I not found the guts to leave my alcoholic ex. It was in no way an easy decision to make.........I was still in love with him. 2 yrs + down the line..........I am over him and relatively happy........I only wish to God I had left him sooner, but my feelings kept holding me back from calling it a day. Anyone can change if they really wish to, but as my ex. had no desire to quit drinking, I knew what I had to do for the best for me. Just my own experience............

Starlight Impress x

February 18th, 2008, 07:23 PM
And we're glad you did, Star...

February 19th, 2008, 12:21 AM
thuzzy, I am too terrified for my own reaons to get back in the dating scene - but your post did remind me that in my younger days, friends called me the "vermin magnet" ... if i went to a bar, every creepy , crazy guy in the place would seek me out . .. lol

February 19th, 2008, 01:48 AM
I dated a really really nice bum in college. I guess it's easy to be in a good , laid back mood, when you don't care much or do much. You need a nice healthy balance, not a workaholic or a bum just a well rounded person.

February 19th, 2008, 09:30 AM
Thanks for the great feedback, the thing that sticks out most is right now I really need to focus on me, not a relationship. Plus I have two daughters that need my attention. I'm going to work on the AF and I think all the good wonderful things will fall into place! All the icky stuff seemed to fall into place with AL!?