View Full Version : Wife knows - advice

April 5th, 2006, 03:13 PM
My wife knows I am a problem drinker (probably worse) and am just starting out on this program. Actually just reading the book and am half way through it.

I am convinced I want to use Topa and the supplements and CD's...and she has stood by me through all my past failed attempts.

Just wondering if anyone else has this kind of experience....I feel like she looks at me as if I am a loser who can't get it together...and am trying yet another 'witch doctor' solution.

AA...and many other things have not worked for me.....subliminal CD's off ebay....local counseling...everything worked for a while but I always go back to my faithful beers.

And she has always been supportive...and still is....but I feel so bad...like I am such a jerk.

Any experiences you have would help me....



April 5th, 2006, 03:52 PM
Sounds like she loves you very much :)

Going through something like that right now ourselves. Hubby and I are both doing the program, I'd say right now I'm doing a little better than he, cause I'm taking it a little more seriously.

Got a call from him today. He's been on business overseas. Business was done about noon his time, flight out wasn't till 10 pm....him and his boss (who is my boss, too!) didn't have much to do till airplane time. Evidently they had been spending time in the lounge....cause the sum total of the call had to with making an appointment for wifely :o time when he gets in tomorrow. To the point where hubby was asking our boss couldn't I have the afternoon off tomorrow to take care of business....I was mortified! Sorry to be so personal, but...it's a pretty good example of hubby not working the program very well and embarrassing me. I'm betting he hasn't been taking the meds I packed so carefully for him before he went.

How do I feel about it, besides being mortified and wondering how I'm going to avoid the boss next week? I love the man to pieces. I'm glad he is still willing to try. I'm glad he knows he has a problem. I know eventually, he and *I* will get it right.

And when he gets back, (If you promise not to tell him I told you about the phone call), maybe I could get you all hooked up by email. He doesn't do message boards, they are girlie :)

April 5th, 2006, 03:59 PM
I understand... been through same thing with my husband. He was very leary, but "willing" when I tried this. It has by far worked better than anything else. In fact, NOTHING else has worked. All of the aspects work together in the program, so please dont pick out one or two things, and only do those and then wonder why the program doesnt work. (I know you havent dont that, just a word of caution). I only did parts of it in the beginning due to finances, and added on as I could afford. But the more I added, the better it worked. I think the Topamax has helped me the most though. The supplements help me to FEEL so much better during the day... alive like I havent in years. But the Topamax REALLY curbs that craving to drink, and some nights I find I dont care too at all, even though my brain tells me "its time for a drink." But my mouth says, "Yuck... that doesnt sound good." I havent completely quit drinking, but the amount and frequency that I drink is significantly less, and during the day I feel as if I havent drank anything at all. I am productive again, exercising, and enjoying life as I havent in years. My husband is VERY happy.

If you choose not to go to the doctor for Topamax, you can order it without a prescription off-shore to protect your privacy and medical records.

I wish you all the best!


April 5th, 2006, 04:09 PM

My plan at this point was to order the Topamax offshore...buy the supps and the Cd's and go for it...

I have tried so many things that have not worked...I want this to work so much....it's funny but so many people care for me more than I seem to.

And I am so against going to my Dr for the Topa....want to do this on my own and was thinking of buying Topa from...

www.inhousepharmacy.co.uk/ (http://www.inhousepharmacy.co.uk/)

Will I get it?

God Bless you all and thanks for the support!


April 5th, 2006, 04:31 PM
Hi Pete,

I don't know about ordering the topa, I chose to go to my doc for it. I can speak about the program though, and back up what Allie says about doing the whole thing and not just bits and pieces. I have been on it for ten days now, after being pretty much out of control for the better part of the last five years. I can't tell you how good I am feeling, and how happy my husband is. It does work, if you make it work for you!!! I truly believe that is the key!!

Welcome aboard!!


April 5th, 2006, 04:37 PM
I was getting our topa from inhouse pharmacy and had no problems with it all, other than the cost. Topa for two was getting ridiculous. Finally caved and went to the doctor, who has been our family doc for years...and put down the visit as health maintenance, bless his heart. Still expensive as it is at the least favored level on our plans formulary, but much better.

April 5th, 2006, 06:42 PM
I got topa from inhousepharmacy no problems either. It's a great service, no prescription needed and you have it within 7 days. Yes, it does cost, but my reasoning for that is when I add up the cost of wine and beer for the month, not to mention the pricelessness of getting our health and lives back well, there didn't seem much competition.

April 5th, 2006, 06:56 PM
I was thinking too how much she must love you. See.... you're LOVABLE!

I am planning on ordering from inhousepharmacy too. I am a prescribing health care provider myself and I do not care to share any of this with anyone in my clinic system. I am not ordering yet because I am in the middle of a move and it is not the right time. I wish it was. It will be in a month.

April 5th, 2006, 08:23 PM
If all you need is a 6 pack, I bet I got you beat there:D .
I have a problem that dates back about 10 years, and my wife has listened to me say "I'm gonna quit" for more years than she cares to admit. Before I got on this program, I went through a 1.75 liter bottle of bourbon every 5-7 days. (Not good on the ol' liver.) But it was "good" Kentucky 90+ proof bourbon.

I did quit cold turkey with no real help and no program 3 years ago. It lasted one year (total 100% abstinent). I got overly confident, returned to my drink of choice and here I found myself 2 years later, drinking about as much or more than I ever had before (tolerance my man).

I did not hit bottom, crash a car ala' Johnny Cash, beat up anybody, or cheat on my wife. I simply wanted to cut down on, or stop my drinking and radically improve my health.

I went to one AA meeting before I even had a problem (for a friend) and could never ever consider that as an option for myself, especially after reading that little blue book. Went to a doctor or two before that said I needed to cut back some, but had no medical advice on how to do so (educated idiots)>:

So after doing my own research:D

4 weeks ago I read the book

3.5 weeks ago I met with a doctor, got a Topamax script, and started taking all the supps that I purchased locally, but for the Kudzo that I ordered fresh off the web.

3 weeks ago I started the Topamax at 25mg per day for 1st week. 3 days later it was St Patrick's Day and the party was at my house. Here's what I had over the course of the 7.5 hour party. I did not try to drink. I did not try not to drink.
3- beers, with diner and snacks.
3- 1.5 0z bourbons. Tossed 1/2 of the last one out because i did not want it (Several weeks ago that would have been almost unthinkable;) )

Now I am 3 weeks in and just started on 100mg today. My wife and son are very optimistic, and say I seem happier and smile more often. I fell much better, am sleeping much better, and even with the topa side effects (it takes a while for your body to get used to, just give it a chance) I have more energy. (I have the CD's but have not started using them yet. PLan to this week. Just have lots of work on hand)

I have personal goals I didn't have a month ago. For example, I am runing everyday now and plan to run a 5k race in July and a 10K race in November, and in the back of my mind am dreaming about something longer than that in '07.

I must add that I am still drinking. I didn't drink a few nights over the past 3 weeks because I chose not to, but it was not hard, and I didn't have unbearable cravings. However, I do not feel the craving to drink just bourbon, or for that matter, anything else. At this stage, I think I simply have a nightcap or two out of habit, not craving. Also, when I do drink, I do not experience the great high I used to get. It simply isn't there. I just get tired mostly, not high. And when I do drink a bourbon instead of wine, beer, or a martini, it tastes so incredibly strong, so I drink at a much slower pace.

Here's what I may drink in an evening, 3 weeks into the program, just starting at 100mg on the topa, and having a very stressful last 2 weeks in my career.
2 martinis late evening
2 2 oz bourbons late in the evening
maybe an occasional beer or small glass of wine with diner

Here is what I used to drink before starting on the program (I am being totally honest here)

2, 3, 4, 5 or 6 bourbons, depending when I started. Earliest when I got home from work in the afternoon. Latest around 9:00 pm, when my son would go to bed. Years ago, it was only one per night, and 5-6 days per week. Last year or two it was every night except maybe on vacations or when staying with family (which sucked--right?:eek ) And if I went out to eat, wine or beer with diner, then bourbon when I got home.

Now how much was one of my bourbons? Don't you think I kept to that 1 oz. per hour of the hard stuff BS do ya? Hell no. A good "neat" pour (straight-the only way to drink the really good stuff) for me was 3-4 ounzes, which would last me about one hour of sippage.

So yes Pete, while I'm going to get to at least 150-200mg of Topa before I engage my 6 weeks of sobriety, I can already say that it works, as I have already done the following by keeping to all aspects of the program (but for the CD's, which I will start this week hopefully):

1. Have cut my intake of alcohol by at least 60%, probably more like 75%, without even consciously trying to
2. Have not gotten drunk once since starting the Topamax, nor have I felt the desire to "let loose"
3. Have lost all obsessive thoughts such as "I need to go get another bottle today" "I can't go to that store, They'll remember me from just the other day" " Is there enough left in the bottle for tonight?"
4. To offset the negative side effects of Topamax, I have forced myself to do some excercise 6 days a week. Thus, I feel better, and am better.
5. I have lost 3 lbs, without trying to alter my food diet in any way.
6. I am dreaming positive dreams, and remembering them when I awaken
7. I am sleeping fewer hours, but sleeping deeper.
8. I have more energy in the daytime.
9. I am slowly but surely getting used to the Topamax side effects, as they are less and less near the end of each week before I titrate up again. In fact, even as I went up to 100mg today, the side effects were so small in comparison to the first two days on 25mg. I think when I level out eventually I will hardly notice them, if this trend continues.
10. Lastly, and maybe strangely, I feel more emotionally constant, in the present, here and now. I'm not as tense as I used to be. I'm also not distracted. Driving in traffic, I no longer listen to the radio, I'm content with my own thoughts. Some people might call that happiness.

So Pete, give it a chance. This is no "witch doctor" solution, but what I think is among the best that medical and herbal science has to offer.

April 5th, 2006, 08:42 PM
Hey 6-pack,

I won't add to the testimonials. If you work the program, you wife will notice the difference! I think you are going to make her very happy very soon!;)

Good luck!

Also, your doc might be willing to give you an rx for topa but put it in the records as being for migraines. Docs can be very sensitive about the privacy of your records. They're not crazy about the insurance industry, either!!


April 5th, 2006, 09:03 PM
Thank you all for the honesty and help!

Backpacker:. If it were only a 6 pack I would feel much better about myself....am so sick of the 'gotta make sure I have enough beer for tomorrow'...'can't get it at that store today, got it there yesterday'....you all know the deal.

Will finish the book and am already excited about the possibility of being clearer minded and not a slave to the brews.

I gotta get all the stuff together and am not sure where to start but am really hoping it works.

Thanks for everything


April 5th, 2006, 09:25 PM
I really didn't have a regular doc. but I know the feeling of not wanting to go. So I went to see my wife's doc (Internal Medicine). My wife promised she would be open minded. I actually wrote her doc a short letter about the program, and she invited me in to talk about it.

When I first went in an assistant greeted me, weighed me took my BP and asked the reason I was there. I lied and told her "migraines". Then she gave me a migraine questionaire sheet. By the time the doc came in she did not know what I was really there for, asked about the migraines and I said, "I lied, I only wanted to talk about this with YOU. Remember the letter my wife brought you?"

She looked over the book and read the UT study in the examination room, took some blood, and wrote me a script for Topamax, after checking to see that she didn't have any samples in stock. Kathy is right.I think she coded it for migraines, because the insurance is covering everything.

The next time I came in this week for a check up, the Doc greets me, weighs me, takes my BP. I didn't have to lie to an assistant this time. This doc is the most. :D

And when I was telling her how I was doing, and how I felt, etc. her eyes lit up. She really cares. And that is a big boost. So yes, you can get the RX elsewhere, but that kind of support from an MD, if you can find it in your town, is darn near priceless I think. So maybe you can hunt around. I never would have hoped I could have found a doc like this one.

April 5th, 2006, 10:46 PM
Has anyone used valuepharmaceuticals.com?

Would love to find a Doc like yours!

July 7th, 2006, 11:13 AM
wife knows- advice

Hello Pete,
This might be unusual but my husband is an alcoholic (I don't drink at all). I just recently found out after 5 years of marraige. I thought I might try to give you insight on my point of view. I don't think of my husband as a failure. I do wish he would have disclosed this problem to me. He had stopped for about 10 years and for the first 3 years of marriage.But the last 2 years have been tortureous. I can only speak for my self but I would think she would want you to be completly honest with her. If you are haring a hard day tell her. If you are proud that you have gone several days tell her. Also I bet she would like to know what to look for. It would have been nice to know for my husband. I know with my husband we put him on Antibuse and I give it to him so I know he is taking it. I am not sure if it really helps or not but it is one thing that makes me feel better. I think if you were just completly honest with everything maybe that could help. Also I would tell you maybe you should tell her all of you hiding places and come completly out. I don't know if that would do any good or if you would just find other hiding places though. I know I feel like my husband will do anything to help my husband and to also know and feel like he is not taking advatage of my ignorance.

I wish you and your family the best of luck.

I know it would be helpful if I knew and hopefully I will help you bothr. Don't be afraid I bet she would be glad to know instead of just feeling like shes being taken .


July 8th, 2006, 08:15 AM
no script for topa?

Allie..Am I understnding you correctly? Can I actually order Topa from overseas and not have a script? What can you tell me about that? Thanks...sd

July 8th, 2006, 09:32 AM
Re: no script for topa?

I ordered from riverpharmacy.com
no script required, but I think I'm going to order from inhousepharmacy next since people here are giving it the thumbs up. I'm buying my sups on line from amazon. Anyone else getting some good kudzu from another source? I'm trying to develop the balls to ask my dr. for a script. No offense gentlemen.

July 11th, 2006, 05:14 AM
my fiancce is an acholic

Hi, I thought I would write and say that I dont know. What to do anymore, my fiancee of almost 3 years is an acholic. And he gets clean and then he goes off and gets wasted again. Expessially when he has meet new friends that drink to. But there is the acholic, that never seems to understand why he needs to stop. So he just leaves and stays at his friends houses all night and sometime all day and nite. Then there is this man that wants nothing more to love his family and spend time with us. Who crys cause he thinks that he is gonna lose us or is so worried that I am cheating on him. That he tells me over and over again that he dosent NEVER want to lose me or are son. I just dont know what to do anymore I love him but I am so tired of getting hurt to.: :c

July 11th, 2006, 08:26 AM
Re: my fiancce is an acholic

I am very sorry for your pain. I am in EXACTLY the same boat as you. In my case it is just not getting better. I think you are atleast luckier than me because I did not know for the first 3.5 years of marriage. I had to be told by my in-laws. He must be laughing all the way to the bank, because he married a flippin idiot. The only thing I would tell you to think about before walking down the isle is this

1- Can you control this or help him end this- Probably not ( I sure can't)

2- What are you going to want for you future?

3- I think you said you had kids. Is this going to be ok for them to be exposed to them? What kind of effect will it have on them?

4- How long do you want to put up with this?

5- I know in my situation it is nothing but lies and deceitfulness. It is a horrible feeling. If this is the case for you is it going to be ok to have a marrige filled with this?

I know this seems so harsh and mean but I am just so tired of the lies. I am probably going to have everyone yelling at me for saying this to you, but if I can save you (and your children) heartache. I will feel that it is worth it.

You can click on my e-mail and I beleive it sends me and e-mail if you would like to chat more.

I really wish I could change things.

I am sorry to everyone if this sounds so mean. I did just find out again I was a idiot. My husband said he was taking antibuse so he wouldn't drink and I found Vodka bottles in his truck. He finally confessed he was spitting them out when I wasn't looking. This is probably why I sounds (and am) extremly mad.

I am sick of this cycle. Izzy just think about this before you get married. I don't know if it is as bad for you as it is for me.


July 11th, 2006, 09:51 AM
Re: my fiancce is an acholic

1tanyar, I am very sorry for your pain and wish something could help, but I have noticed a common thread through all of your postings that you are not reading about the physical causes of this disease that are almost impossible to resist without repairing the physical body and brain neurotransmitters. Antabuse is a very old medication and, as you have seen, does nothing to help restore the body to as close to the prealcoholic condition as possible so that they don't have the insurmountable cravings and physical deficiencies.

Have you bought the book yet and read the science? Have you gone to (
to further your education and understanding of this disease so that you can pass on the healing information? It sounds like both of you could use some healing, you emotional, he physical and emotional.