Hello everyone:
Another installment of my long-term journey into a new life. It?s been 800 days now AF, without so much as a drop of my nemesis. I will reach that 1000-day mark, and then probably end this series.
Since my last chronicle at 700 days, even more improvement and growth. Even more freedom of the soul, and today I am feeling even better physically.
Some of the new things I?ve done since last time.
- Started using phosphatidylserine at intervals.
- Got off caffeine, another long time addiction
- Started using DHEA at intervals.
- Explored some more audio and reading material by Alan Watts, Eckhart Tolle, and some interpretive essays on the Bhagavad Gita.
- Added a few new exercises to my weight lifting rotations.
Overall, there is a new quality to the distance between my psyche and that last drink. It has taken the form of a greater awareness of my surroundings and situation. It is hard to explain, but perhaps it is the clearing of more fog and confusion from my brain. There has been a definite increase in the sharpness of my senses, and clarity of my thought since the 700 mark. Where will this lead? Just how acute can my senses and awareness become? Each time I peak through a recovery cycle, and then dip down, I always think that I have reached the peak, but then I ramp up and get to an even higher plateau. With each new pinnacle of experience during this journey, I realize even more just how destructive alcohol is to people like me.
I?m now two weeks off the caffeine, and this has shocked me as well. I had no idea of what that legal drug was doing to my overall sense of well-being. Toxins are toxins, and they all make us sick to one degree or another. Alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, refined sugar, all things I used to consume in mass quantity, and now abstain from. I now carefully evaluate what substances I put down my pipes, and ask the question, ?Will this really help me, or harm me??
imes New Roman;">This is the first time, I can honestly say, that during the worst of the last down cycle of recovery, I felt better than I did at the best of my drinking days. I?m no spring chicken, so please consider that last sentence carefully. When it all seems too much to bear, and many times I felt that, sooner or later you will know that the grief has been worth it. This is a truth of long-term recovery from long-term self destruction. When I went into this thing, I operated on that simple faith and still do.
I get new satisfactions from my fitness and exercise program. My musculature is still gaining more definition, and I am getting stronger. I am starting to look more like an athlete, than I do an alcoholic couch potato, and that my friends, is a boost like nothing else I have ever experienced. Stick with it. Stay sober. Be kind to yourself.
Fall in love with yourself, even if you have spent over a quarter-century hating the very thought of looking in a mirror. Be pleased with yourself, and respect yourself. These are words that are a real key to becoming whole again. Easy to type, but in action, for guys like myself, it was akin to moving Mt. Everest to Kansas with a garden shovel. But one shovel full at a time, walking the distance, and then going back for another. That is what this is for me.
So I will let it go at that for now. Hang in there, and always remember that it is the core of your being where you will find that real strength of faith. It is not outside yourself, but it is within you to do it. As long as you are alive, it is in there.
Be well.
Neil
Another installment of my long-term journey into a new life. It?s been 800 days now AF, without so much as a drop of my nemesis. I will reach that 1000-day mark, and then probably end this series.
Since my last chronicle at 700 days, even more improvement and growth. Even more freedom of the soul, and today I am feeling even better physically.
Some of the new things I?ve done since last time.
- Started using phosphatidylserine at intervals.
- Got off caffeine, another long time addiction
- Started using DHEA at intervals.
- Explored some more audio and reading material by Alan Watts, Eckhart Tolle, and some interpretive essays on the Bhagavad Gita.
- Added a few new exercises to my weight lifting rotations.
Overall, there is a new quality to the distance between my psyche and that last drink. It has taken the form of a greater awareness of my surroundings and situation. It is hard to explain, but perhaps it is the clearing of more fog and confusion from my brain. There has been a definite increase in the sharpness of my senses, and clarity of my thought since the 700 mark. Where will this lead? Just how acute can my senses and awareness become? Each time I peak through a recovery cycle, and then dip down, I always think that I have reached the peak, but then I ramp up and get to an even higher plateau. With each new pinnacle of experience during this journey, I realize even more just how destructive alcohol is to people like me.
I?m now two weeks off the caffeine, and this has shocked me as well. I had no idea of what that legal drug was doing to my overall sense of well-being. Toxins are toxins, and they all make us sick to one degree or another. Alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, refined sugar, all things I used to consume in mass quantity, and now abstain from. I now carefully evaluate what substances I put down my pipes, and ask the question, ?Will this really help me, or harm me??
imes New Roman;">This is the first time, I can honestly say, that during the worst of the last down cycle of recovery, I felt better than I did at the best of my drinking days. I?m no spring chicken, so please consider that last sentence carefully. When it all seems too much to bear, and many times I felt that, sooner or later you will know that the grief has been worth it. This is a truth of long-term recovery from long-term self destruction. When I went into this thing, I operated on that simple faith and still do.
I get new satisfactions from my fitness and exercise program. My musculature is still gaining more definition, and I am getting stronger. I am starting to look more like an athlete, than I do an alcoholic couch potato, and that my friends, is a boost like nothing else I have ever experienced. Stick with it. Stay sober. Be kind to yourself.
Fall in love with yourself, even if you have spent over a quarter-century hating the very thought of looking in a mirror. Be pleased with yourself, and respect yourself. These are words that are a real key to becoming whole again. Easy to type, but in action, for guys like myself, it was akin to moving Mt. Everest to Kansas with a garden shovel. But one shovel full at a time, walking the distance, and then going back for another. That is what this is for me.
So I will let it go at that for now. Hang in there, and always remember that it is the core of your being where you will find that real strength of faith. It is not outside yourself, but it is within you to do it. As long as you are alive, it is in there.
Be well.
Neil
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