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I hope I wake up tomorrow feeling shitful and sick............

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    #1

    I hope I wake up tomorrow feeling shitful and sick............

    I suck, I suck real bad.

    I've been drinking for seven days straight, trying to be AF but only managing 18 or whatever it was days. BOO! Had I stayed sober this would of been my 28 days, my magic number of knowing I have conquered an addiction....seems not.
    A few days ago I even started drinking in the A.M again, scrounging up coins from wherever I could to make enough to get another bottle....I truly suck.

    I REALLY WANT TO STOP! WHY DOESNT THIS MATTER TO ME ENOUGH!?!?!?!

    A lot of us have asked 'what is it going to take to stop' I have no freaking idea. I've been told previously by a Dr my health is failing, some things irreversable, you'd think that would do it, friends, possible partners, my child, everything....still, not enough. I have these friends that are too kind, too scared or sorry to rock the boat to say anything strong enough for my own good, I seem to be one of these people that need to be 'told' 'babysat' 'cared for' ...probably because I've never had it in my life with my parents nor ex husband. Instead, they say nothing, encourage even, pour me another, never do anything that makes me sit up and listen. I need to listen!

    I hope tomorrow I feel awful, I really do. Enough is enough, I cant moderate that is perfectly clear. I love how i feel when I drink and that isnt a good thing in the real world. It's never gotten me into too much trouble, nothing is at stake except my health which I guess, equals EVERYTHING. Without that I am nothing. I can't be who I really am because of the drinking and what it does to me physically.

    I wish I had a partner who cared, who cared enough to love me yet be hard enough to help me. I'll never have anyone while I'm doing this to myself. I dont particularly want a partner that has to put up with me not being kind to myself like this.

    I'm so disappointed in myself. Can I really do this?!?! I know I want to, why arent I strong enough????????????????????
    Wake me up low with a fever~Walking in a straight line~ Set me on fire in the evening~Everything will be fine~Waking up strong in the morning~Walking in a straight line~Lately I?m a desperate believer~But walking in a straight line
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    #2
    I hope I wake up tomorrow feeling shitful and sick............

    Straightlines, I care about you, we all care very much about you. Your post just touched me deeply. You did 18 days out of 28, that is a big accomplishment! Do hold onto that, and know that is a great place to start from, now, no matter the past, start from there, and remember how good you felt sober, give yourself the love that you deserve first!! Just go from here, love yourself, don't worry about getting love, give it here on the boards to others, and to yourself.
    The more we appreciate life, the more life appreciates and bestows us with more goodness.

    Comment

      #3
      I hope I wake up tomorrow feeling shitful and sick............

      Suzanna

      Thankyou

      Thing is, I didnt feel great sober, I was niggly and irritable and bored and stressed and high strung and and and.....

      Drinking...I'm kind, and quiet, and negotiable and creative and loving....

      That's what is the hardest thing for me.


      THankyou for saying you/everyone cares, as I do back to everyone I truly do. It's hard for me to accept that others care. Stupid makeup.

      I'm TRYING to love myself.
      Wake me up low with a fever~Walking in a straight line~ Set me on fire in the evening~Everything will be fine~Waking up strong in the morning~Walking in a straight line~Lately I?m a desperate believer~But walking in a straight line

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        #4
        I hope I wake up tomorrow feeling shitful and sick............

        straight - where are you?? oh i pray you are still here - pls come into chat I am there and i want to talk to you i pm'd you did you get it hun?

        I am here for you I truley believe that there is a reason I am still up and on this forum - pls reach out to me i am here for you
        when you fail at something is when you learn and grow the most

        Comment

          #5
          I hope I wake up tomorrow feeling shitful and sick............

          Honey Pooh...

          I sent you a PM about not been able to access chat, othersise oh my would I be there, I'd love to talk to you RIGHT NOW>

          Please believe that yes, I think it would of been very positive in both our moments if we were able to be there, my pc is just blocking it though.

          Send me another pm, or something, Hope you are doing 'as best you can' right now, not that I am. Third bottle down.....
          Wake me up low with a fever~Walking in a straight line~ Set me on fire in the evening~Everything will be fine~Waking up strong in the morning~Walking in a straight line~Lately I?m a desperate believer~But walking in a straight line

          Comment

            #6
            I hope I wake up tomorrow feeling shitful and sick............

            Straightlines, I wish there was a magic solution (presto-chango, you're done with AL), but there simply isn't. Everyone here knows it....we've all faced, or are facing, the same demons. Even though they take myriad different shapes -- the end result is pretty much the same. It's really hard to change everything all at once...but you can change what happens in the very next moment -- whether you're about to take that next sip or not. Tell yourself you deserve better -- because you absolutely deserve it. You're an amazing person...caring, giving. Treat yourself as you would treat one of your friends in need. Let that spirit I know is there shine. Hope you find some inner peace and strength today :l
            ~K.

            Comment

              #7
              I hope I wake up tomorrow feeling shitful and sick............

              Straightlines...I am not AF. But I think that when I become so, there willl be a period of time for me to re-adjust I guess for lack of a better word. Well, withdrawal fits in there somewhere I suppose. There will probably be a time of grouching. But I'll get over it in time and it'll be worth it. I remember who I was when sober. I'm a kind, fun loving, productive person. I don't need AL to be me. I have big girl pants and a biscuit.:H You can borrow my pants but you have to get our own biscuit. You can do it. Rediscover yourself. You'll feel comfortable being in your own skin again. Even without my pants.:H
              sigpic
              Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

              Comment

                #8
                I hope I wake up tomorrow feeling shitful and sick............

                Straightlines ......... You did 18 days!!! that is amazing, stop beating yourself up and get back on track ..........

                You CAN do this!!!!! :l
                sigpicXXX

                Comment

                  #9
                  I hope I wake up tomorrow feeling shitful and sick............

                  OK.




                  My Instinct tells me, I can do this. I cant be wrong!
                  Wake me up low with a fever~Walking in a straight line~ Set me on fire in the evening~Everything will be fine~Waking up strong in the morning~Walking in a straight line~Lately I?m a desperate believer~But walking in a straight line

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I hope I wake up tomorrow feeling shitful and sick............

                    Run with it !!! :l

                    Starlight Impress xxx

                    Comment

                      #11
                      I hope I wake up tomorrow feeling shitful and sick............

                      heard this before.

                      follow your sponsor bessie, she will guide you around the meadow muffins. the roll playing is a smack in the face to those coming here to discuss real issues about alcohol. i am not amused and don't think a few are concerned about alcohol addiction in the least. BOoooooooooooo.

                      ~Ripped~

                      NO=:thanks:

                      Comment

                        #12
                        I hope I wake up tomorrow feeling shitful and sick............

                        If you suck then we all do, know how you feel we must try again!!!!!!
                        Hugs and much love:h
                        Anxious

                        When the heart cries for what it has lost the spirit sings for what it has found!

                        Comment

                          #13
                          I hope I wake up tomorrow feeling shitful and sick............

                          Straight, I know how you feel but it will pass. I have tried to kick my addiction by myself,
                          and it's not been possible. I am now going to AA where I have been warmly welcomed,
                          this I must do for my sanity, I also depend on this site and the amazing people on it.
                          Best of luck.
                          .

                          Comment

                            #14
                            I hope I wake up tomorrow feeling shitful and sick............

                            18 steps forward and despite 7 back you are still ahead of the game. Keep moving forward!
                            Is Addiction Really a Disease?
                            Watch this and find out....
                            http://youtu.be/ekDFv7TTZ4I

                            Comment

                              #15
                              I hope I wake up tomorrow feeling shitful and sick............

                              Ripple;277717 wrote: follow your sponsor bessie, she will guide you around the meadow muffins. the roll playing is a smack in the face to those coming here to discuss real issues about alcohol. i am not amused and don't think a few are concerned about alcohol addiction in the least. BOoooooooooooo.

                              ~Ripped~

                              NO=:thanks:
                              What does this mean Ripple? You okay?
                              Noelle sez "Do want you like, like what you do. Life is Good."

                              Comment

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