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Sunbeam
March 1st, 2008, 05:15 PM
Hi all,
I have today achieved 34 AF days. I'm thinking of limiting myself to one glass of wine per month max, only on an away-from-home special occasion. Have others tried this level? For you, has it led to increased drinking (as the one-glass-per day approach did for me in the past)?

Prest4time
March 1st, 2008, 10:30 PM
Hi Juliana!
I noticed you havent gotten much feed back here, but I want to say well done on 34 days!! That is just fantastic, and I cant imagine (seeing how I have never made 34 days) how awesome you must feel!

So my question is, what is up with "one" glass of wine per month? If I made 34 days, one glass would not be an option. It would be lets buy a bottle, and let me drink the whole thing! Why are you so confident that you will not want a second glass of wine? I think this is the area of "no man's land" when we have to choose which side we are on. Its tough.

P4T

iAmBecoming
March 2nd, 2008, 02:01 AM
Congrats on 34 days AF! That's something I haven't done since before I was 21.

I think it's difficult for any of us to say if that one drink a month would be enough to start you down the dark path again because everyone is different, but IMHO preoccupied thinking and deal making about how much you are going to drink is a sign you are still in the heat of battle so to speak. I think the people who moderate successfully are the one's who aren't already worried if taking the drink is going to be a problem. 'Know what I'm saying? I can understand that you want to test the waters. Just be careful ;).

Waves 2
March 2nd, 2008, 04:47 AM
:goodjob: on 34 days.

Looking on AL as a reward for abstention is a dangerous way to look at it.

Believe me I know. I didn't try the one glass a month but It's the frame of mind that leads us back to more.

I am finding that I can stop at 2 glasses but if I risk a third I drink until it's all gone. (So I don't buy as much.)

One glass a month is not much so you probably will be fine- IF you can make it work. MKR Mary is a good role model here. She drinks half a glass or one glass every now and again. That works for her.

We are all different. The important thing is _ make your plan and stick with it.

That's where I tend to fall down. I make a plan and break it when the triggers strike hard.;)

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Look at the AF boards. It always strikes me how positive those people are about their new lives whereas I slip and fall and get miserable about it!

Cinders
March 2nd, 2008, 05:11 AM
dowjbw,

:goodjob: on the 30+ days!! Truly!!

I haven't done that since I was (omg!!) 15. :cool:

Yeah, one glass a month is great. Gives you the health benefits of a glass (I am thinking vino here) and all the antioxidants you could actually get from other things, but WHY??

However, one glass leads to another...

Love,
Cindi

meditation mama
March 2nd, 2008, 08:39 AM
Hi dowjbw!

Fantasic on the 30+days. Is it that you want to have a glass of wine now? That you want to celebrate your 30+ days with a glass of wine? If so, then I would be careful. My second thought would to be to really ask yourself why do I want just one glass of wine a month. Not many of us are satisfied with just one glass of wine, that is why we are here. So, if it were me, I would wait a period of time if these thoughts were popping into my head. I am almost 60 days and I had some pretty crazy thoughts a few weeks ago, almost rationalized drinking again, but I got through it and I am glad I did. So, again, if it were me, I would wait because, one glass a month doesn't make much sense... That is just my opinion... I hope I am making sense.. :)

Best of luck with you decision... Either way, please stay in touch and let us know... that's important..

MM

KateH1
March 2nd, 2008, 09:29 AM
Good Job on 30days+dowjbw! One glass a month..hmmmmmmm. Nope, not for me! I know exactly what this wound do to me at day 44.....one might work for a time or two (might being the Key Word Here).......but, one would lead to two and two to three and then............disaster! I fet plenty of anti-oxidents drinking Pomegranite juice! No fear and no regrets drinking juice!!

Honestly, I am working on not thinking about AL, and, one glass for me would be like saying that I could sleep with an old boyfriend but not get involved!!LOL!

Again, this is just my decision, but to each their own! Take care and stay in touch!

KateH

Sunbeam
March 2nd, 2008, 01:03 PM
Thanks for all of your thoughts. I guess no one here has actually tried this low level of moderation. My current thought is that I can enjoy one glass of wine with my husband when he retires in April. We purchased a very special bottle of wine years ago, which we will open and also share with his brother on this occasion. After that, (at least a month later) I might want to enjoy one glass with my friends, out on the patio. But I think any amount of alcohol can be risky, and I know I don't want to go back to not being able to control my intake. Probably I could enjoy the company of my friends on the patio just as much (maybe more!) without alcohol. I have consumed to excess with these friends, but they know about my new alcohol-free efforts, and they have been good supports. The do usually control their intake much better than I used to! So I am for now continuing abstinance (definitely don't plan to celebrate any AF time by drinking). In April, I will probably have that one glass. After that, maybe I will find it better and easier to continue life without AL. Someone on another thread commented that they continue to think about Big AL for months and years even when abstaining. It is not the same as a craving because they don't actually consume (that's where I'm at now), but that thought doesn't go away for a very long time.

hippie37
March 2nd, 2008, 02:05 PM
iAmBecoming;282886 wrote: Congrats on 34 days AF! That's something I haven't done since before I was 21.

I think it's difficult for any of us to say if that one drink a month would be enough to start you down the dark path again because everyone is different, but IMHO preoccupied thinking and deal making about how much you are going to drink is a sign you are still in the heat of battle so to speak. I think the people who moderate successfully are the one's who aren't already worried if taking the drink is going to be a problem. 'Know what I'm saying? I can understand that you want to test the waters. Just be careful ;).
Could not have said it better myself.

Nice post iAmBecoming and welcome to you the forum (I notice it is your first post!! and a good one at that!!!)

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

Guest
March 2nd, 2008, 07:03 PM
If you can stop at one glass, YEAH, I have one, then think one more won't hurt. shit, before long I am 4 days in to a binge. I just advice you to proceed with caution. Many of us moderate here, BUT many of us try moderating and end up with the hangover from hell. I wish you the best!!!! Just PLEASE take it from someone who went 7 months AF and then got cocky, thought I had it under control.......just be honest with yourself before trying it.

Prest4time
March 2nd, 2008, 09:24 PM
Dowjbw,

After reading your last post, I think in the setting you are referring to which is having a glass of wine, from a special bottle, in the presence of others who will probably each have a glass leaving the option of another out of the equation, then I think that is different. I was picturing more of an environment where you go out with the intention of ordering one glass, (and that one glass feels like 2 or 3 after a period of abs) and you feel so good after one, you think, why not one more? Anyhoo... I could never do just one glass if at home with a whole bottle. But this sounds different, and your plan sounds good... I support you. Just see how you feel... if its really satisfying and you are content with that one glass, or if you feel anxiety because you cannot have another, etc.

Sounds like you have really though through this and have a good plan.

P4T

Croft
March 3rd, 2008, 07:11 PM
I think everyone is different. But I can imagine a scenario where I do not drink for a few weeks and then maybe go to dinner with friends and have a glass of wine.

I am attempting to moderate. I have only been at it for a little over a month, but I think I have made progress.

I have gone from drinking every day, all day long to being able to have only a couple and then stop. Even in Vegas in party central, I drank, got buzzed but because of hte Kudzu, Topo and the other parade of pills that now number 21 I was able to stop after I got buzzed and just go to water.

I wish you the best of luck for whatevever you decide to do.

Ask For Help
March 8th, 2008, 11:45 AM
My thoughts on your Mods idea

Juliana:
FIRST off: Great Job on 34 days AF: I also see that you're continuing AF. That is terrific.

I've been hoping some of the longer term modders would comment here, but it seems to be sort of a quiet time of the boards right now for modders. I read a lot on ODAT and long term ABS, for inspiration, but don't post much.

I'm fairly new to this, started in January. But from all I've read on these boards lots of people do successfully moderate and the amount of drinking you are proposing is very very limited compared to most moderators. If you even read some of the threads in this section by Preciouspinot or MKR you'll see that they have been successful thinking of themselves as "mostly ABS" with allowances for having drinks several times a week. I agree with the advice that you set your goals as long as you stick to them, try not to worry that you are on the road to decline ;-).

I try to mod by a) having no alcohol in the house and therefore only drinking in social situations (although I've also learned to be AF in social situations) b) try to accumulate as many AF days/week as possible but at least 4 c) limit myself to 7 drinks per week.
Mostly I just don't drink, or think about drinking, but when I think I'd LIKE a drink, I have one, and when I'm making my weekend plans, I kind of check in on where I am for the week and determine if I'm going out whether I think I'll have wine or go AF. It's pretty easy and NOT as one poster said so cleverly "like having a meeting of the Board of Nutters "should I drink, how much, how oftern etc etc. " like I used to have before this program!.

All a long winded way of saying, I think you're doing GREAT, and that mods is a really legitimate route and maybe we can spark up more conversation on Monthly Mods?
Fondly,
Ginny

Sunbeam
March 8th, 2008, 12:55 PM
Hi all,
The initial responses to my post were interesting and thought provoking. The "don't do it" responses really surprised me coming from a group that drinks more than I was proposing but there were a lot of assumptions. The later responses seemed to understand better where I'm at. I continue to abstain, and continue to wonder if I want to moderate or just abstain. Beyond that one glass from that really fine bottle of wine, maybe I will abstain. Just to clarify, any future consumption would be with my husband, who continues to enjoy wine in moderation. We don't discuss this much, but he really doesn't understand why I just can't moderate. My past alcohol abuse was mostly alone (not with my husband). I have 3 friends with whom I have enjoyed too much wine at my house, but they all know my current non-drinking status. Probably I will read or start another post to learn more about various moderation schedules, or maybe I will try a post on with the abstention group (but I would expect most of them to say, "Don't do it".) My pledge is to never again drink alone.

Waves 2
March 9th, 2008, 04:27 AM
Hi Juliana,

Can I point out that the earlier posts only had 3 sentences to base their posts on.;)

Having done more than 32 days I know how confident and assured I was that I would never fall back into my old pattern. The first glass of wine I had didn't even taste nice. I was even more reassured. But I slipped.

However, you are not me. From reading more - you seem to have a very good plan in mind. You have thought things through carefully. You have made important decisions. As I said before your plan works for MKR Mary so it may work for you.

Askforhelp has given very good advice above.

We are all different. We have to plan our own way out and stick with it.

Good luck with your plan. :)

trixietrack
April 3rd, 2008, 02:11 PM
hi sunbeam I think you have a good plan. If you know you are the type that will not go on some binge.

I personally feel that mods is possible if you have not had a serious problem with self control. If you are the type of person who is aware and can go into a social situation and look around and say this is not the right place or the right time to be drinking, you will succeed.

Your idea of not drinking alone is a good one. hiding or drinking alone or drinking because you had a bad day is the sign of a problem.

I had 2 glasses of wine last night with a friend at dinner. then I went home, there are 2 bottles of relly good white wine in my fridge, there is also a bottle of seltzer and some barley tea.

I felt really good and satisfied with my 2 glasses, so I grabbed the tea, fed the cat and read my book.

this is how you know you can mod.

Trix

CaptJBean
April 3rd, 2008, 03:58 PM
these are all really great post. Congrats on the days AF.