View Full Version : Feeling trapped

March 17th, 2008, 08:06 AM
My story is similar to some, yet a little unique in others.
I've been married for 23 yrs, have 2 girls 19yrs and 16 yrs old.
My husband is a potter, very talented and I've assisted him all these years.
We met at Bible School,went out for 6mnths & got married. Nice,non drinking, Christian
man! 4yrs on,round about my daughter was born, he started drinking again.He'd been sober for about 6yrs.
We carried on, through thick and thin, poverty& prosperity, even survived a cult after seven yrs! We now live in a small town in Kwazulu Natal, South Africa. It's been 10yrs in this little town. The only support for Alcoholics is the CAD which is the Afrikaans version
of AA. the leader is a dear, dear old man who was after my hubby for yrs to get him helped. Rehab was a bust, for all of us.
My oldest daughter is out the home & my youngest wants to lodge with others coz she can't take how her father treats her mother. Like one of the ladies said, fine by day, monster by night.
I've also homeschooled my girls coz schooling is expensive in our town and there's only a high stream academic AFRIKAANS school here. My 16yr old still has 3yrs to go. I've always thought of leaving when she's done, but work is so scarce here, it's better to stick with what you can do! We could do better if I knew how to market on the Internet!. It's easy for folks to say leave, but where to? My family can't support me,my daughter needs me to help her and she takes a lot of pushing before she'll settle down and work. At formal school, she did really bad now she's getting average ot good marks.
Right now it's day by day& my faith that keeps me going.

March 17th, 2008, 11:59 AM

I can't even begin to imagine myself in your shoes, my heart goes out to you and your daughters. Your situation as a spouse of an AL dependent person who resists any attempts to improve his own life leaves you in a difficult position especially with very few options to turn to. If there is any way to find support groups for yourself is an obvious must suggestion. I have a brother who is a gifted glass blower who in spite of his talents always seems to struggle with his financial needs. It seems to be a curse of artists who know nothing more than the need and desire to create and express their artistic skills.

The internet though has opened up opportunities for him to commission and sell his glass pieces and I would think similar opportunities would be there for your husbands work. Wholesalers and importers I believe are additional channels for special artistic creations.

Please post more of what you feel may be helpful for you and others here may have more suggestions for you. God bless.

March 17th, 2008, 12:23 PM
hi artcat. your post has really touched me. please continue to tell us how things are going for you. it sounds awful frustrating.
I wish you luck. this website is great if you just need to let go and share stories with people who are also struggling.

be well


March 18th, 2008, 05:27 AM

Hi Artcat,

My heart goes out to you & your daughters on reading your story.
Life is difficult...read somewhere and you personify the dictum.
Please stay with the group here as you will find people with similar problems , people with a sympathetic ear and most importantly friends who can give you practical advice to improve your situation.

Keep posting regularly so that you will realize at least emotionally, you are not alone.
Wishing you well

March 18th, 2008, 08:11 AM
Sometimes I Feel Dumb!

Thanks D,
My husband & I went to support group last nite, it got interesting.My hubby complained
that lack finances play a role in his drinking.(so does low self-esteem& feeling depressed & unappreciated)One guy said therez always excuses to use & you still "pay" for your downfall every nite!I think it sunk in! Isn't it scary how blind they are!
Sometimes I feel dumb for staying but then the next day I have hope ( & a good sense of humour) I get a kick outa teasing him when he's in the happy stage, they can be quite funny to watch!He's frustrated today coz we're having "load shedding" this week & he can't fire the kiln coz they don't stick to their outage schedule. It's scary that people here take energy for granted, alot still can be saved.

March 18th, 2008, 08:21 AM
4theboyz & trix, thanks!
Has it helped your brother, having a better market? Do u have any advice on where I can go on the Internet? I'm willing to explore the Internet, it just takes me and awfully long time! ha!ha! Even my way is confusing to me! Thanks for your encouragement, I stumbled on My Way by accident.

March 19th, 2008, 03:46 PM
Hi Artcat
I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug. I know that nothing I say can ease the pain of the situation that you find yourself in. I hope that you have love and closeness in your life from friends who support you at this sad time in your life. I myself am married to someone whose excessive drinking has caused problems in our relationship. For several years now it has been difficult , this time being the worst, as I am now on the verge of leaving, despite the fact that I love him and know that for the most part he is a good man. I realise that I am lucky that I have somewhere to go to escape, and am also financially in a position to leave, (in the short term). It's very easy for people to say leave and that's the solution, but after so many years together and an uncertain future I can undertsand that you cant just up and go. I can only wish you hope, courage and resiliance in this situation. Mirarcles do happen, people do change. Be close to your girls, they need you and love you.:)