My husband returns today! Please help!

[Pamela]

Hello, I'm so scared. My husband will be home today/this evening I don't even know. I never responded to the email he sent me from overseas. I don't want to talk with him about my problem. I tremble thinking about his arrival home. What can I do???

I can't completely stop drinking yet. I have tried to cut back this week. I cannot tell him I am "cutting back". That will be unacceptable. I want to run and hide (and drink) when he is here.

Will someone out there "sponsor" me? Only for a short while, I promise. I will tell him that I will commit to communicate here each day. I will try to be honest and see how it goes.

Any takers?
P

[Accountable for Me]

My husband returns today! Please help!

I am not sure what happened between you and your husband, Pamela. Is he upset with your drinking?

[trixietrack]

My husband returns today! Please help!

second chance has the right advice. we can be totally supportive and read and reply to your posts as best we can.

when It comes to a situation where you are drinking to deal with anxiety or any other problem that should be dealt with a doctor. we really can't do much.

if you suffer from anxiety, please be honest with your husband and go to a doctor.

much luck

[Captnjack]

My husband returns today! Please help!

Pamela I will sponsor you if thats what you need but please tell me and the others here why are you so scared of hubby. . Is there some other issue??? Remember we are here for you OK

[Captnjack]

My husband returns today! Please help!

Pam are you ok? please talk to us I will stay up all night if you need someone dont feel alone OK

[Pamela]

My husband returns today! Please help!

Thanks again all of you, I can't believe the quick responses. I have posted messages under "how do I get through days 1,2,3?" I am not sure of the protocol for continued response and/or when to start a new thread. I do not expect you to go back and read my "stuff".
In a nut shell, My drinking is daily and constant throughout the day. However, I rarely get out of control. I have two young children and a husband who travels much of the time. He is a good man, but cannot tolerate much outside the "norm". He sent me an email while away this week. He cannot stand any drinking on my part. He becomes very angry and stays that way for days (or weeks if he is away), even he he suspects that I am buzzed.
He wants answers and a solution period! This is why I posted a new thread. The responses from people earlier this week helped me somewhat.
I am afraid to face him since I never responded to his email earlier this week. I dread the coming weekend and know that I cannot get through it without alcohol. I will have to buy something, make arrangements to hide it and replace what I drank this week etc. before he gets here.
I feel a bit like a caged animal. Please don't suggest that I talk with him as it makes me tremble and I hate that more than the thought of abstinance.
P

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

My husband returns today! Please help!

Why can't you talk to him? Does he go into rages? Is he violent? We are all here for you :l

[Guest]

My husband returns today! Please help!

Although I am not married, nor have any children I did have a partner who responded in the same manner to my drinking. It was his way of dealing with his worry and concern for me.

Buying more, hiding drink etc is just going to make the situation ten times worse. Why not be honest with yourself and him - perhaps ask him directly for help. Tell him you want to get control of this problem. If you are ready that is.

I got clingy with the partner I mentioned, thought I couldn't live without him........allowed myself to become dependent.......my drinking got worse, and so did my behaviour as well as hiding the real truth of my problem thus reinforcing my denial.

The result was I allowed myself to completely lose all sense of reality, leaving a path of destruction really showing myself up and ending with what could have been very serious legal consequences.

Since then I have been able to step back, find someone who can care and support me in a way that is positive. I was then able to surrender to a rehab that worked on building, rather than destroying confidence.

"Tough Love" does not work and neither does fighting, many experts are now recognising the way forward is building not destroying a person. I learned the hard way. You have to take control and I did. My confidence now gets stronger everyday.

[KateH1]

My husband returns today! Please help!

Hi Pamela, I feel for you in this situation. If you want to get your drinking under control. This is a great place, we can and will help all that we can. You do not need a sponsor here. We are not AA. You just come whenever you want to and you will get a lot of response.

I will not assume that what your husband is doing is "tough love". But perhaps he is reacting due to deep concern, fear and frustration. You did mention that you are alone with two small children. Only you and he can figure this out.

Just let me tell you this, there are many of us here, that thought not drinking was impossible for us. Yet, here we are, 30,60, 90 and even a year later and not drinking. It truly is amazing! It can happen for you too!

Best Wishes,
Kate

[Palatia]

My husband returns today! Please help!

wow. .. UK.. that was good.

pamela, I would echo that you need support... and WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU!!

But you have to make the first step... only you can decide when Day 1 is... don't worry about tomorrow.. worry about today each day.

The toughest part is getting started... but you know... it's only today... I can't deal with looking at weeks or months of not drinking... today is enough to deal with...

I hope some of these posts helped... :l

[Accountable for Me]

My husband returns today! Please help!

Hmmmm... does your husband drink at all?

I can understand he may be frustrated about your drinking, but does he know that this is an addiction? Does he understand what it is like for an alcoholic and how difficult it is to quit drinking?

Maybe he needs to be educated on this issue?

Would he be supportive and understanding when you decide to stop? There will be many mood changes when you give it up. At least for me and many others here, there were.

The biggest question, I think, is, what are your goals???? Are you wanting to abstain? Are you wanting to moderate?

Personally (and no offence) but if you are looking at completely abstaining, I believe you aren't quite ready yet. I only say that because you want to buy some and hide it for when he comes home.

I think you should talk to him about all of this.

[trixietrack]

My husband returns today! Please help!

answers and solutions now? sound a bit rough pamela... so sorry this sounds difficult, if you can't face your husband to tell him what you have told us.

what if he reads this with you??? be well

please come back to let us know what is going on

Trix

[Pamela]

My husband returns today! Please help!

Thanks again, he is home. He asked when we were going to discuss the email he sent to me. I said, not now. I told him I would rather reply to him via email. We'll see how it goes.

Yes, my husband does drink. We spent many happy years together partying and using drugs and alcohol. Children changed things quite a bit. I love my guys (4 & 8 yrs) but becoming a full time Mom threw me for a loop. This is no news to any Mom out there I know.

Sorry, here he comes, I must go
P

[Noelle]

My husband returns today! Please help!

Hey Pam....come back and let us know how things went, okay?

[betty boop]

My husband returns today! Please help!

Pam love, I was a mum that needed to drink all day too ......... and I was scared of my husbands reaction .....

Please check in and let us know how things are going ...........

You now have 100's of people who care about you and are here for you .......

Love & Hugs, BB xx