Nothing can be worth feeling this awful

[Hammer_OTG]

I am coming down from a long hard binge. I've really spun out of control and feel absolutely terrible on so many levels. The sad fact is the only thing that takes the edge off is another drink. I just need to get through today without one, not easy. I am really disgusted with myself, so sick of me destroying myself which is exactly what I've been doing. I've had a chronic pain in my side that won't go away and I need a new life.

[MDC]

Nothing can be worth feeling this awful

Dear Hammer,
We all have our ups and downs....I have been struggling as well...yesterday after work threw out all of the vodka bottles at current residence and the new home....I am so discusted...but now have a good start...and am trying to keep up a positive attitude. why dont you join me in this journey. we can do it!

[Laurav]

Nothing can be worth feeling this awful

Hi Hammer,
Sorry to hear you are feeling so down. I have been there too. As you know more AL is not the answer but you are the one in control. You have taken the first step in coming here.
Hi MDC,
Good job in cleaning house! I did that when i got started and it does make a big difference if AL is not hanging around.
Hang on, the ride will bet better.

[MDC]

Nothing can be worth feeling this awful

Thanks Laura

[nancy]

Nothing can be worth feeling this awful

I know the feeling of a wanting a drink to take the edge off but that's the worst thing you could do. The best thing for you to do is to take each day, one day at a time, starting with that bad hangover day. Imagine how much better you would feel if you had a week with no booze?

Try it!

[LVT25]

Nothing can be worth feeling this awful

Hammer--

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. You can have a new life. Sometimes we just can't do it on our own. Do you have an MD you can talk to? I'm no expert, but I've read that it can be dangerous for some to just quit drinking cold turkey. I do think it takes more than just willpower. Start today by drinking lots of water.
Keep checking here, someone else will be able to give you more advice.

[ohmaggiemae]

Nothing can be worth feeling this awful

:new:Had a slight binge myself last night. On alcohol and food. I've been struggling with bulimia for about 30 years now and have also recently admitted to myself that I'm an alcoholic, too. Learned recently that one usually goes with the other. I'm in pain today. Hungover and stomach really hurts. Mentally and physically I'm exhausted. So sick of this behavior. Don't know how or where to get help. So ashamed and embarrassed. Husband doesn't really know how bad it is. Would love to do one of those "glamorous" rehab retreats in California or Belize. Insurance doesn't cover enough, though, and how could my husband take care of our two preschoolers by himself? How will I ever get better? I feel so discouraged.

[MDC]

Nothing can be worth feeling this awful

Im relatively new to this program. purchased all of the vitamins and my Docotor was cool about the topomax. I struggled with the first week and a half thinking i could just cut back...but found myself just waiting longer in the evening to indulge in a vodka frenzy before retiring. that made me discusted enough to rid the houses of all booze and im gonna try just quitting. I have now been AF for 36 hours and am at the office equiped with my pills and the topomax. so far feel good. anyone want to let me know what I am infor..please do so...I understand the topomax can prevent sezures

[MDC]

Nothing can be worth feeling this awful

MaggieMae, I just wanted to lend some support to you because I have felt just like you describe. We must find hope in ourselves and keep chattin on this sight. It is a great source of support. A big hug from me to you...

[ohmaggiemae]

Nothing can be worth feeling this awful

I was on it for about 4 months for my eating disorder. At first it was great! With the exception of feeling a bit spacey, I loved having no desire to drink or binge and purge. I thought it was the miracle drug I'd been dreaming of! AND I lost about 12 pounds, which I loved! Eventually I couldn't stand the mood swings. It started to make me very angry and aggressive. I HAD to go off it. I even threatened to divorce my wonderful husband at one point, and I yelled at my kids a lot. Crazy!

Sucks, because it really helped at first. I googled topamax and found a bunch of posts by people who had similar side effects from it. I hope you don't experience these. I would suggest you stay on it and see what happens.

Good luck.

[ohmaggiemae]

Nothing can be worth feeling this awful

Thanks for your hug and support.

[Guest]

Nothing can be worth feeling this awful

Maggie - regards rehab. Over here in UK most of us don't have insurance - we pay for our
health service via higher taxation.

Anyway I was fed up with the NHS - they told me I was not alcoholic and unsuitable for residential treatment, that I should just learn to control it.

I went downhill, even further than ever and eventually gave in - raided my bank account, paid cash for private care and got 3 life changing weeks. Being self-employed also meant I didn't earn a bean whilst away so total cost was huge - but I don't care. Sober I can earn that money again, drunk I didn't have a chance. I live alone, ok no kids but also meant I had bills and other admin stuff plus my business to take care of when I got back. Once again I couldn't do all of that properly when drunk, I just thought I was! What's a few weeks out of years of future, happy life?

You have to do what you can.

[rileygirl]

Nothing can be worth feeling this awful

Mag, I can totally relate to you as I'm bulimic too. The alcohol and eating go together for me and I'm trying ODAT to get over it. It's hard, but I know I have to do it for myself and my relationships. If not, I lose all!!

[Hammer_OTG]

Nothing can be worth feeling this awful

Found a new Doc who at my last visit awhile back told me I can stop drinking again and be monitored without worrying about seizures (I had em last time I went cold turkey, very scary). I am a little hesitant about Topamax though--heard various stories. Bought the Kudzu I just gotta remember to take it (my memory is blown). Thanks for the support.:thanks:

[11B3P]

Nothing can be worth feeling this awful

Hammer_OTG;311429 wrote: I am coming down from a long hard binge. I've really spun out of control and feel absolutely terrible on so many levels. The sad fact is the only thing that takes the edge off is another drink. I just need to get through today without one, not easy. I am really disgusted with myself, so sick of me destroying myself which is exactly what I've been doing. I've had a chronic pain in my side that won't go away and I need a new life.

I know what you mean about coming down from a binge. I'm about a week past my last binge/blackout and stupidity. I figure sobriety is the new life, but I have said that before. I thought I could "do it alone" etc and I can...for short periods of time. You know, one week and then drunk again. I even went 9 months. I'm finding out that I need help. So I went and got help, before I lose my license, kill myself or worse yet, kill someone else. I simply cannot tolerate being wasted anymore, it had/has to stop.

Best of luck to you, one day at a time.