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**Guest** · February 17, 2006, 07:15 PM

Day 1

Dearest Becca--yours was the first hand to reach out to me when I joined this board this week, so please know that I am totally with you, cheering you on, you can do it. I know about those "last hurrahs"--had one myself earlier this week; and boy did it hurt the next day. In fact, it took me two days to recover; you know the drill, nursing beers, trying to wean yourself so you don't feel quite so sick. It is a helluva way to live.

I got through last night without drinking, and I will get through tonight, too.
Hugs
Ter

**Guest** · February 17, 2006, 07:26 PM

Day 1

Thank you Ter.
Look very forward to chatting soon. I will be gone probably from 7 til 9 or so buying all the cheese and fruit for the friggin WINE TASTING we are HOSTING tomorrow!!!
What a world! what a world! I'm meltiiinnnnggg.......
OK Bec, buck up. It's just fermented grapes.
Do you guys have to tell your heads this crap too??:rollin
I'll hang in.
Becca

**Guest** · February 17, 2006, 07:40 PM

Day 1

Good luck on the wine tasting, Rebecca. That's going to be one hard test. We are all rooting for you!!!

Jane.

**Guest** · February 17, 2006, 08:20 PM

Day 1

Becca;

You know I'm behind you! Great doctor on your side, I know it helps...Good luck with the wine-tasting tomorrow.

As far as hubby, it sounds like he really loves you and just wants the best..a sober wife.

Hugs and Support!
Brandy

I know you're going to hang in there and accomplish your goal!
You're one of the "FUN GIRLS". Now it's my turn to cheer for you!:rollin

**Guest** · February 17, 2006, 10:58 PM

Day 1

fermented grapes...

Becca, Becca!!
I have thought about you SO much since being out of town. I am feeling withdrawal from the website! I am logging on from hubbies computer, but cannot join chat, because I would have to register a "name" on his laptop.... I can just see me chatting at night with my husband thinking it is one of you... what a disaster that would be!!

Anyhow, now I am jealous of YOUR doctor! I am so happy for you because I know how nervous you were. I want to know ASAP how the Topamax works for you... I ordered mine off shore on Wednesday.

I am having a great time here in North Carolina. We took our son out to dinner tonight, and tomorrow night we celebrate his birthday with all of his friends. I have been on the verge of tears all day seeing friends I have not seen in six months. (For those of you who dont know, I am visiting "home" after moving away in August). I am overall doing really well. Did crumble when driving past "Total Wine" though. I had to run in and get my favorite... they dont have it in Florida!!

I will be thinking of you so much tomorrow, even in the midst of my busyinesss... I know we are close in heart and laughing with each other inside. You are awesome, and have fun, but not too much fun at the fermented grape festival!!

HUGS FROM CAROLINA!! Allie

**Guest** · February 18, 2006, 03:41 PM

Day 1

Re: fermented grapes...

becca...

thinking about ya...just read your post. Wine tasting...wow...that would be a real tough one for me. Glad you are all set with the doc and everything. You seem like such a go getter...I would love to read an update from you since you just started Topomax....

it will help me when I go to my doctor...
thanks for being so honest...
BW

**Guest** · February 18, 2006, 04:59 PM

Day 1

Re: fermented grapes...

Rebecca,
Glad to hear your Dr. visit went well, so that's behind ya now. Things will fall into place, they really will. You are on your way!!

Hubby might need a little space at the moment ... that's ok, let him have some space. (Like I was telling you in chat, my husband went through the same thing. He was tired of picking me up off the floor. I told him I would take care of the problem ... I kind of had to show him ... my words weren't carrying much weight anymore. It didn't take long before he realized how serious I was about what I was doing with MWO).

We're all routing for you -- you know that!! This is just the start of great things to come for you. From your cheering section at MWO!

Gracie

**Guest** · February 19, 2006, 11:27 AM

Day 1

Re: Day 3!!!

You people here have been my #1 cheerleaders this weekend, actually, these last couple of weeks.
I am so grateful to have you all in my life now. Thank you for taking the time to post all of those hopeful, encouraging thoughts on this thread. And for all of you who called! Gina and Ter, yours could not have come at better times (driving on the way to the tasting), and Kim, you pulled my curled up crying self off my mother in law's couch at midnight!! Thanks. I ended up eating my pizza and drinkin my diet vernors from the big fat orange wine glass.
Well everyone, here's how it went:
I got all gussied up, thinking that I might catch my husband's eye and he'd stop being so mad. When he was "business as usual" when I got there, I went about my duties, preparing cheese and cracker trays, setting up glasses, making signs, etc, etc. The night went on, I continued to mingle a bit, but mostly spent my time acting like a server in a banquet hall. Might of well have been wearing a freakin bow tie. Anyway, nobody really asked questions cuz I sometimes carried around a wine glass with ginger ale in it. Just told everyone I wanted them to enjoy themselves, I had to drive the babysitters home, blah, blah, blah, smile, kiss, kiss, hug......
End of the evening (and a billion cases of wine) rolls around. Husband and I have been on an only-communicate-when-necessary basis all night, and he asks me if I tried the Pecorino Romano. Guys, I wanted to slug him. Don't know what came over me. I quietly said "nope" and turned away.
him: "you don't have to ignore me"
me: "I thought you wanted me to leave you alone"
and so on, and so on.
Slept in different houses (me with kids at mother in laws), him at his/our? house.
I had a nightmare I can't recall, but then was awake from 3 til sunrise thinking about different ways to word a letter about all my feelings. Drove home, cried, showered, cried.
He talked to me. We talked, hugged, talked.
Here's how it ended. He's stuck dealing with the past and worried about our future cuz our past, and what we have always conected on, has always involved alcohol.
I'm so looking forward to my and our future and don't want to DWELL on the past... but I guess I can't ignore it, huh?
I just have to see a positive future. Anything else makes me sad, then I lose hope.
Gracie, you are 100% right, he needs time. He said so. I need to give it to him.
Thank God I have you guys.
More love than ever this morning.
Becca
PS: The thought of having a sip of wine was of absolutely positively no interest to me. I said "Topa, if my husband won't have me any more, I will marry you"
PPS: We raised about $1,100 for the rugby team.

**Guest** · February 19, 2006, 01:41 PM

Day 1

Re: Day 3!!!

Wow Becca!
Great! Great! Great! It might not feel this way now, but I don't think it could have gone better. I am so excited by the way it has gone. He definately loves you. I could tell by your post. He definately wants you. I could tell by your post. He definately will have you. I could tell by your post. It just takes them a while to trust us because they blame us, not the disease, because they see US, not the brain cell connections that are causing the dopamine overflows that are causing us to overdrink. And yes, I join you in marrying topamax too! Does that make you a bigamist, lol! Because there is no doubt in my mind that you will work this out. Becca, men are dumb. They are not wired the way we are. Right now he is as hurt as you are, wondering, if she loved me, why would she not stop drinking for me. Give him time to see this program works, even if there are some stops and starts. Give him time to see and work the program the best you can which I can see you are doing and you are highly motivated to do. From what I understand, you said you are "in baby". Does that mean you are pregnant. Or am I confusing this with another post? In any case. I know you have a wonderful future ahead of you. It took me awhile, but finally I've got the components together and the program is finally working for me, too. It sounds like you are doing well right away. We all have different brain receptors. Your husband will come to understand all this but it is too much for him right now. Eventually he will be able to read some of the research and information on this program. After battling for years in court for custody of my son with his father (which always caused me to relapse, sometimes afters years of sobriety through AA) we are now on good terms, and he is glad to get the articles on topiramate, etc. that I have provided him. He finally understands that this is NOT a moral, spiritual problem.
We can even joke about it. He is in Pakistan right now, and I e-mailed him about how my VCR is on the blink just when I wanted to record the Olympic skating - I was able to say, "It is acting drunk, maybe it needs topiramate". Before August, this never would have happened. Now he will have a goold laugh.
Believe me, this will all work out.

Love,
Adria

**Guest** · February 19, 2006, 01:50 PM

Day 1

Re: Day 3!!!

Hi Rebecca, I have been reading your posts and I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and praying that everyting works out for you and your family.

TAke care

Yvonne

**Guest** · February 19, 2006, 02:29 PM

Day 1

Re: Day 3!!!

Adria, that was the best post ever!!!! I laughed, I cried... (I'm serious!!!) thank you soooo much.
No, I am not pregnant! Sorry, anyone who thought that:eek
Hubby's had the old fix-a-roo. "in baby" was more of like a "yeah, baby" Austin Power's - like reference. I was excited. You guys must think I'm such a geek.
Well I hope and pray you are right about him. I think so. I think he's just so scared. Everyone around us drinks. It's what we DO. We're like professional drinkers. He has just flat out said that if we take the alcohol out the equation, even though it has been the root of all evil, it has been the catalyst to all our fun times too! Damn booze. I tried to start to say we've had a lot of fun times...without....booze...I....think....whoa, what a sad commentary. Well, I've been reading through a lot of old posts this afternoon and found a lot of ideas about reprogramming our brains as to what we consider "fun".
The math does not have to be me + alcohol = fun. I'm learning this, guys. Also learning what a compulsion I had. I had never admitted it before. (been battling actively good part of 4 yrs). I have told my family and close friends now. Everyone is supportive so far. I think I'm making them all examine their own drinking habits! Ha! Sorry. That was mean. I may be a bit edgy, lack of sleep.
Yvonne, thank you too! I need all the prayers I can get!
Brutal long posts from me lately, all.
Sad thing is, I could keep going too! Just tell me when to shut my yapper.

Much, Much love,
Becca

**Guest** · February 19, 2006, 02:31 PM

Day 1

Re: Day 3!!!

Good for you Becca, husbands can be real jerks, I haven't even't told mine I am doing this. The only ones that know are my friends. I need to use this board more for support because my friends don't understand. they only know I have a bipolor husband who changes his job when he gets sick or he gets fired. I do have wonderful children that make me want to get well, along with hating that awful feeling every morning I wake up. I am up to 100 topa and am still drinking one glass of wine a night. How do I stop. I admire you Becca getting through that night. that was a tough one.

**Guest** · February 19, 2006, 09:01 PM

Day 1

I am so happy for you. You are a real inspiration. Ended the night badly last night. Left a nasty message for my brother in law who has been saying things to my mother in law about my drinking. I know that it is not out of concern for me. If he was concerned he would have called my husband. Feeling really down today. Just reflecting on all the times I have acted like an idiot. Today is day 1 for me. I have to make this work. My self respect depends on it.

Kim

**Guest** · February 19, 2006, 09:15 PM

Day 1

Day 1 for me too. Really sucks.....shaky, dizzy, depressed, crying. Had a really bad night last night, I can't even get into the details. I have done the hypno today, finally, and ordered tons of supps. Staying close to you guys has really helped! Thanks Marcie and discovery, and ALL for the support! Here's to a new day and another fresh start! Gina

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