Am I the only one?

[Guest]

Hi everyone

Ive just come across this very helpful site. I have been looking for a self help method of dealing with my drinking problem as Im not up for attending meetings, bearing my soul etc.

Having read many of the messages on this site, it seems like everyone has a wonderfully supportive and helpful spouse, family etc. I am single and haven't any genuine support at all. I have virtually no social life since the last of my childless friends had a baby a couple of years ago. I don't really hear from any of my friends anymore. I feel sure they have no idea I have a problem. I live alone and do most of my drinking alone. I don't believe my drinking hurts anyone other than myself because there's no-one around to witness it or be affected by it. Is there anyone else out there who's dealing with this without support?

Rosemary

[Guest]

Am I the only one?

Hey Rosemary,
I just found this site as well. I'm not in the same situation as you, as far as dealing with it alone. If you want a buddy to try this with, I'm here. I just ordered the book yesterday(Supposed to get here Monday). Maybe we can do this together?

Marcie

[Guest]

Am I the only one?

Rosemary

We are all here to help you. Join in the Discussion Forum.

As far as only hurting yourself goes, yes you are! I'm in the early stages of liver disease and nerve damage - got caught early, so hopefully it's reversible. That was a result of heavy drinking for 20 years, on and off.

You are on this site because you want to help yourself and we are all here to help one another. You are not alone.

Welcome - Kath

[Guest]

Am I the only one?

I'm New Too, Desperately Need Support

I'm New. I'm a single mom of a sixteen year old who told me he's going to live with his dad if I ever take another drink. It's horrible pressure to live under. I'm on my second week of Topa but running out of the 25 mg. I have a few 100 mg. What will happen if I titrate up from 50 mg. to 100 mg. when I run out. What happened is I am working two jobs to pay for really expensive braces for my son plus the topa from Mexico, then got really sick because of no rest and ended up drinking to keep myself going, my son hit me, and everything is a mess. the bottom line is, i really want to make a commitment to this program but don't know how to keep myself in topa long enough to work, and don't get to use the tapes enough while I am working so much. But I'm going to do the best I can because I'm going to win this battle no matter what it takes. It would be so much easier if you could get a doctor to prescribe! I have insurance that would at lesat help but they are stubborn. It's AA or nothing. I'm out of kudzu which I used extensively before the topa arrived and really really helped - I got it from the Happy Herbalist and drank it in quantities in tea - I will order more as soon as I get paid. I hope this post will go through. I'm almost crying. I've tried to post before and couldn't. Adria

[Guest]

Am I the only one?

Re: I'm New Too, Desperately Need Support

Dear Adria

I feel for you. Your sixteen year old obviously feels strongly about your drinking and that's a good thing. He loves you and needs you to stop. You must stop if you value your relationship with your son. He feels so strongly about it that he will leave.

I know how hard it is. We all do. Paying for Topa hits a chord with me too. I couldn't afford it, but then again, I found I had too an extreme reaction to taking it, so it was wasted. Mind you, after only four weeks on 25, then 50mg changed my attitude to drinking. I discovered it was a HABIT that could be changed.

Tritrate up slowly. I'm not an expert on this, so please ask others on the Discussion Forum. Tritrate up from 25mg to 50mg for at least a week, then tritrate up to the 100mg. Please get others' advice on this.

I am only saying this, because you sound desperate and nobody else has answered you so far.

Adria, drinking does not keep you going - it only seems to, but you don't function properly with alcohol present. You think you do. I know - I've been there over and over.

Everything will be a mess until you stop drinking. Your son is in crisis. I know how hard this will be, and I'm not one who advocates abstinence, but, in your case, I think you really need to work out your values. I'm not being harsh, just realistic. Your son or the bottle? It doesn't mean you have to give it up forever - just till you get sober.

By all means, try AA. They are really nice, supporting people. It wasn't for me - I went once because my ex-husband made me attend. It was enlightening, but just not for me. Not to say it wouldn't be right for you. Give it a try. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

From what you have said, MYO is not your ideal solution to your drinking problem. I urge you to try AA and see how it goes. I would also suggest your son, if he agrees, attends AlAnon meetings. The organisation helps family of alcohol dependent persons.

Saying that, please keep coming back here to MWO and access the boards and keep posting us. We are here to support you. Please, in particular, listen to what Amy and Mish have to say. They are very wise ladies.

Welcome Adria
Kath

[Guest]

Am I the only one?

topa

Kath,
Thanks for your reply,
I have been going to AA for a long time; it hasn't worked completely; everything falls apart when I have to work 2 jobs; the exercise works for me which I normally do even before I found MWO, for instance in the summer when I"m off (I'm a teacher) and then I feel fantastic, attend lots of AA and get Jazzercise for free by babysitting for them, doing lots of journaling and naturally just don't drink; I think your'e right about the alcohol just seems to help me go on, it does for a little while but them messes me up in the long run. I've been on 25 mg of Topa for the first week, 50 mg now nearing the end of my second week. Was asking if I could titrate up to 100 on my third week as I do not have the right tablets for going to 75 mg. as I thought was supposed to be done. Was sober for about 28 days until last Monday until I took a few sips on my way between jobs just to keep going through my second job because I was very ill with flu and had been for several days and couldn't bear it anymore. Pretty studpid, huh? But not drinking today, will be going to my meeting within this hour, and fortunately have today and tomorrow off. Feel bad that I am just too sick to get out and walk which I love to do, but at least have listened to my tapes. Thank you for your kind response and wise words.
Adria

[Guest]

Am I the only one?

Re: topa & Isolated

Hello Rosemary, Kath, Adria, Marcie, and everyone. I am a single mom of an 8 year old. I know my drinking affects him, even though he is so understanding and supportive of me. I have an appointment to see my Dr. on Dec. 6 and I plan to confess to her everthing about my drinking and to see if she will perscribe the Topa.

I would love to connect with others here because I am so isolated and embarrased. I missed T-giving dinner with friends because I got so wasted and just passed out. This has got to stop and stop now. I received the CD's in the mail yesterday, and I plan to work withe them and the supplements until I can see my Dr. and, of course not drink. I am going to start working out tomorrow as well.

Kath, I am going to print out your post and deeply consider your advice regarding Adria and her son, because it applies to me as well. I haven't gotten to the point of him hating me but why go there if I can avoid it.

Right now today, I am going to start detoxing. I know I'm going to feel like crap! Is there anything I can do to ease the pain before I see the doctor on Dec 6?

[Guest]

Am I the only one?

Pain of Withdrawal

Hi, I'm not sure where you're located and what you have available to you. The kudzu is helpful for withdrawal symptoms, and I've also found the ALL-One powder, calcium, magnesium, L-glutamine, and basically all the supplements in general help with withdrawal. If it is very bad and you cannot get a doctors' appt. it may be necessary to go to an ER and get some Librium, etc. An herbal tea such as Valerian or something with Hops, Chamomile, Passion Flower, etc. might help too. Please post soon. Also, you might want to go out to or rent some easy to see movies to make the time pass more comfortably. Let us know what we can do to help. We are lucky because we are on the brink of medical breakthrough.
Hang in there.
Adria

[Guest]

Am I the only one?

Re: Pain of Withdrawal

Thank you so much, I just took some vit-c, gaba, l-glutamine and kudzu... I need to go an purchase the other supplements. I think I will also go to Mass this evening. I will also continue to drink massive amounts of water. Now if I could just find a way to turn down the guilt and depression. I'm feeling so ashamed.

I am going to do this, I am so glad you all are here.

[Guest]

Am I the only one?

Guilt

Atlanta,
It sounds like you're doing great! Mass sounds like a good idea and the supps you are starting with are the right ones. I forgot about water - that it's good too - because I hate it, which is crazy, I know and something I think I will work on in my hypnotic sessions. And there is no need for guilt. This is a biochemical disease that you didn't ask for, and you are doing something about it right now! And the past is gone forever! I am going to a class right now, but will be checking back on the board later tonight. I also think guilt and depression are bi-products of withdrawal and ease in time. Do you have the hypnotic CDs and so forth? It took quite some time for me to get everything together. I was on the All One for a month before I ever got the Topa, and have already run out of kudzu and need to place another order of Topa but I am determined to make it work, even if it takes time to eventually fall into place. Have been just too sick to exercise for about 2 weeks which normally I love to do, and that makes a huge difference too.

Adria

[Guest]

Am I the only one?

Re: Guilt

I have the CD's and I did the cleansing one today.

I know that I'm going through withdrawls and I am trying to take it easy on myself. I'm just so anxious about not doing any of my planned work this weekend, and for spending so much money drinking. It's wild, I spend money to help me stop drinking with the CD's various books, etc. Then I turn around and spend $200.00 on booze!! It's insane !! I'm am so tired of myself.

Part of me is saying go to outpatient treatment, but that would be difficult because of my son. I don't really have any help with him. I haven't done well with the AA way of thought, but I sure could use some support right now.

I know I'm going to feel better with time, and believe me, your words of encouragement is really a blessing. I just have to pull myself together and get some of the work done that I let slip this past week.

I know one thing, I really need to abstain, and I'm intrested in the campral. I am just too much of a binge drinker to keep this up. It's not worth it, and I can't imagine what I am teaching my son with this behavior. I do know that he will respect change in me, and I will be sure to explain all of this to him as he gets older. But first things first. This has got to end !!!!!

Thanks again for your kind words and suggestions, I am clinging to every word now.

[Guest]

Am I the only one?

Re: Guilt

Good luck Atlanta. I'm hoping this works for me as well. I can totally relate about spending all the money on booze.

[Guest]

Am I the only one?

worry, guilt, money

Yeah, Maybe the best thing to do is try to put the worry and guilt away for now and just concentrate on getting through the day which is some of what I get out of AA though I'm not that that convinced of some of AAs steps. In my opinion, and this is only my opinion, you might not want to worry too much about what you are teaching your son, because I think alcoholism is not something that can be taught: I truly believe it is biogenetic, though possibly triggered or exacerbated by environmental factors. I'm not sure, but on the other hand, perhaps heavy drinking CAN be taught, as evidenced by heavy fraternity drinking, which often abates after college (if one survives and is not an alcoholic). I think if you follow this program that you will succeed and the money will be well-spent and you will be teaching your son that one needs to go to any length to take care of oneself medically and emotionally and physically; and that is what I am trying to explain to my son and what I think he is hearing a little better today than two days ago. He still isn't convinced to read some of the articles - but then, what 16 year old would want to? I truly have faith in this program, and believe that probably even better drugs will be coming out in the near future that will offer more fine tuning. I live in the town where Bankole Johnson is conducting his new study with topiramate. They are very excited with the success of this drug and are also studying another drug. They also realize they need to do longitudinal studies. I was accepted into the current study, but decided not to participate as it is a double blind study and they cannot tell who will be given the placebo and I did not want to waste time risking that I might be getting the placebo. But I will be following their studies very closely and plan to call them soon to see if they know any doctors here who will prescribe the topiramate off-label: they told me a place but it turned out to be a false lead. Anyhow, just keep hanging in. Much of the guilt and remorse will fade as the withdrawal eases in a day or two. Try not to worry about the money. I know, I don't have help either, which is why I am working two jobs, so it is very very very frustrating to waste so much money on alcohol and then the program is so expensive, but I know that it will pay its way back a million times over in what it will return to us and our boys in just a few weeks times. So just believe that.
Adria

[Guest]

Am I the only one?

Re: worry, guilt, money

Thank you Adria,

You sound so good !!! Wow, thanks for all of that. The money has been well spent. I'm going to post about my plan for the week. It starts first thing in the morning with a walk on the treadmill.

I have to figure out a good time to listen to the CD's. Mornings are rough because I don't have a whole 2 hours to listen to them and workout as well.

Any suggestions regarding listening to CD's?

[Guest]

Am I the only one?

Hypnotic CDs

Doing the CDs as fits the schedule exactly is a problem - but I try to do the sleep one every night which obviously isnpt hard - because I do sleep some every night. I do the sublimal one almsot every day if I can find some quiet time ironing, chopping vegetables, practicing calligraphy, painting whatever. It won't work in my car CD player which for some reason tends to be very picky. On days that I go from one job straight to the second, I simply can't do it. (My son asked me - actually nicely - if I had now learned my lesson - that this will cause me to start those first few sips - esp. when I'm sick and not taking care of myself). I do the clearing or hynotic before going to bed which seems to work for me. I try to do the clearing on the weekend because it is longer and I have more time. I love the second half of the hynotic - i can get into it right away and I'm not sure I really need to go down the stairs, the escalator, and the elevator - but am willing to try anything, so what the heck - but I do enjoy the shorter hypnotic one more.
Even though I would prefer to follow the program to the letter as some have been able to do, my circumstances right now simply don't allow it; however, it says somewhere either in the book or in the website to tailor it to your life, so I will do that. In any case, how is your withdrawal going? Did the vitamins and supps and mass help? I certainly hope so. Tommorrow should be a little better. I think it depends on how long you have been drinking. I think you said you are a binge drinker. That is what I do too. I rarely drink much more than a day or two, three at the most, then withdraw and quit for awhile - stupid isn't it? I'm a small body size so can't take much, maybe? And really do fight not to take too much! Well, it's late here, and I have to get up at 5:30. OUCH. Oh, the life of the single mother. Moan. Ow. Complain. Lol. Have a good night.
Adria