CS of Testing the Waters

[Guest]

Hi CS,

You've come to the right place. MWO about 4 months ago and have been on the program for about 14 weeks. I have gone from drinking myself drunk 3-5 nights a week for about the past eight years, to drinking only wine in moderation about two nights a week. I would still like to drink less, but I am thrilled with how far I have come.

I started with only the topa, but have added the topa, kudzu, l-glut and recently gaba(gamma-aminobutyric acid). I am working with the cds and hope to add more exercize once it warms up. It seems the more aspects of the program I add, the more successful I am.

I don't know your story, but I am sure you are like so many of us. Good luck and welcome!

-Nina

[Guest]

CS of Testing the Waters

testing

Nina,
I feel like I am living two lives -- the person who wants to quit drinking/make serious changes, and the person who gives up by 5:00. ("Not today!") I drink beer and wine, and it seems that the only nights where I have "just a few" are the nights when I was drunk the night before. If I mix beer and wine in the same evening, it's really bad. I've been really depressed for about a year and a half now -- been thru job loss, health and family changes. My husband knows it is a problem and he has been upset with me about it. But since he drinks too, I haven't known really where to begin. I tried AA in another city and have gone to 2 meetings here, but am not comfortable with it at all. Also tried MM about 8 years ago, but there were some weird things that happened with their listserv so I got away from that. I try to tell myself that I don't have a problem, that lots of people have "a glass of wine" every night, but most people do not have 4 beers, then a bottle or more of wine. I wake up the next day, can't remember the night before, and I feel guilty and hate myself. Cooking and food, as well as good beer and wine, are something that my husband and I have always enjoyed, but lately even my interest in cooking has waned, because I haven't had the energy. It is mentally draining to be obsessing and upset all the time. I want to tell my husband that I have a plan, but I am afraid I will shirk away as usual. He has also has some difficult issues recently, so I have had to be the "strong" one. I am afraid of asking my dr. for the Topamax, because in the past she has been somewhat judgmental about other issues, and I don't want to add a drinking problem to my chart. I think I can get the supplements pretty easily though, as I live in a fairly large city.
I also have read Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp, and could really identify with much of her story. Thanks for responding, and I hope I have the courage to talk to my husband and make some changes that I know I need.

CS

[Guest]

CS of Testing the Waters

Re: testing

Your story sounds so much like mine. Drinking myself drunk one day and then drinking lightly the next or not at all because I felt like crap.

If you don't want to share MWO with your husband, you don't have to. Frankly, I haven't and am fine with it. Some have and have been better for it. It is a personal choice.

I went to two general practioners and was turned down until I finally found a psychiatrist to prescribe topa without blinking. I ordered it offshore first. I was so frustrated/devistaged with the first two docs that I just told the pchyc why I wanted to see him and what I was looking for, and that I was already on the meds from overseas, before I would agree to make the appointment. Luckily he was open to it. I was very tactful of course.

Pschiatrists are very familar with this drug and are very comfortable with prescribing. Also sounds like you might not be very comfortable with your current doc anyway. Maybe time for a change?

You are probably also very frighten about taking a drug that is for epilepsy. I was petrified. Take the plunge. I am up to 300 mg a day with no side effects now. I do plan to have a check up to make sure I am drinking enough water because of kidney stones.

This program will help you take back the control that alchohol has taken away. Embrace it. You will be so happy you did.

-Nina

[Guest]

CS of Testing the Waters

hey!

HEY NINA!! IM SO GLAD U WROTE BACK. MY QUESTION IS THIS? IM GONNA ORDER MY FIRST SUPPLY FROM OVER THE INTERNET, IM TO ASHAMED TO GO TO MY DOCTOR JUST YET. WHAT DOSEAGE SHOULD I START OUT WITH. IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOU COULD GET A BOTTLE WITH 20-100 MILL. ANYWAYS JUST LET ME KNOW. JEANETTE

[Guest]

CS of Testing the Waters

Re: hey!

Hi Jeanette, I also ordered my Topa offshore. I am on week three and I started with 25mg and am now up 75 with no side effects. Well maybe a bit tired but I can handle that. I take 25 in the morning and 50 in the evening and I go up an other 25 this Friday. I do take the Kudzu and L GLut and a strong Multi vitamin for Women as well the Milk Thistle.

I think the Kudzu and L Glut are great but it is hard to remember to take them when you are busy. I haven't noticed any difference in the Topa yet with the drinking but I am really hoping that I will soon, otherwise I know I will have to switch to Campral and quit drinking. It is one thing to write that down quite another to do it.

Marice, I hope you are doing okay. I was rooting for you yesterday and know it can't be easy but one day at a time makes a lot of good sense.

Take care
YB

[Guest]

CS of Testing the Waters

Re: hey!

I started with the 50 mg and broke them in half. As for not noticing a difference just yet, I was concerned with that too. I question RJ and the board and found out that the greatest benefits are not seen until around 200 mg of topa and since I was tolerating it quite well, I titrated up a bit faster than RJ put in the book. Went from 50 to 100 to 200 to 300 over about 4 weeks. But take it at your own pace. I would try and go through a doctor if you can. It will save you a lot of money, but I understand.

I tried the doctor route first and was turned down. I was horrified. It took everything I had to go in there and spill my guts only to be told to go to AA.

I ordered from www.inhousepharmacy.co.uk. There were fast and reliable

It was working and since I wanted to be on this long term I found a psychiatrist to prescribe it for me. Good luck gang.

-Nina

[Guest]

CS of Testing the Waters

the same stories...

Nina,
Thanks for your comments. I checked thru some of the other new posts, and I also kept checking back over and over for a reply to my post, as someone else did! It seems that many of us come to these thoughts at this time of year. How funny that all the TV ads are for quit-smoking plans and diet plans, but never a change in beer commercials. Also smth I read a long time ago: when people choose to quit smoking, no one dooms them to a life of forever being in "recovery" (a la AA) or forces them to go to 12-step meetings.

It does feel like a horrible pattern, though -- one night drunk, the next night or 2 light drinking, then another drunk night. It feels so stupid.

Changing doctors is smth both my husband and I have wanted to do for a while, but due to health and insurance changes it wasn't the right time. I took an anti-depress. about a yr. ago for only a month, and went to a counselor for a little bit, but deep down I know that this is the bigger problem that I have to tackle before I can have some clarity on the other issues. A psych. might be a good idea for the script, tho.

We have a dinner tonight at my dad's, and he is a huge drinker -- many family issues over this for decades. EVERYONE knows it. Partially why I want to wait to deal with this after the holidays, and my 40th bday next week.

A Million Little Pieces is an excellent, very powerful read. FYI, the author is supposed to be on Monday's Oprah (it's a repeat).

Good luck to all others out there who are struggling to make a change.

CS

[Guest]

CS of Testing the Waters

the same stories

Hi CS and everyone!

Thought I'd let you know how my experience with topa has been, CS. Started two weeks ago, and I am upping my dose to 75 mg of topa this afternoon (25 am and 50 pm), and my experience on the topa has been that for several days at a new dose, my cravings go down, then gradually return. I am hoping that this pattern stops as I get to a higher dose, and I may dose up more quickly as others have done. One thing that changed pretty quickly and has remained stable is that I don't have the urge to gulp my wine as I have in the past, and sometimes I'll go 15 or 20 minutes without taking a sip. I find that encouraging, even though I haven't started my 30 days of sobriety yet.:rolleyes

I was away for the holiday, and didn't get to listen to my tapes except the sleep learning, so I'm going to get back to that today, looking forward to it, although it is a real commitment to make time for it. I do agree with what someone said (don't remember if it was this thread or not) that the more elements of the program you incorporate, the better your chances of success!

Good luck to all in 2006!

[Guest]

CS of Testing the Waters

same stories

HI CS
Welcome,
I can totally identify with the shame you were describing. It is so painful to orbit around and around knowing you know better and even making the decision to change it then next thing you know poof!!! your better sense has gone into hibernation, your inner voice has gotten laryngitis, and the party has begun again, and it just goes......... and goes. Oh God, I was there , so many times. It seemed so irrational. I never could figure it out. It really hurt too. I think I have turned a corner with this program. I think you can too. none of us intended to get dependent on drinking. None of us intended to give our power away to an inanimate liquid. It just sort of happened. I am sure there was a good reason for it. Life stresses, and genes, and psychophysiological patterns that got created, whatever! it doesnt matter any more. We are not defined by our past behaviours. Let me tell you some of mine make me supremely cringe. What matters is that we have come to a place in our lives where we know we can change , and now we have some very powerful tools to change!

[Guest]

CS of Testing the Waters

Dosages of supps

Vida,
Thanks for your reply. I have appreciated your intelligent comments in your previous posts. I know I will feel better about addressing some of my fears after I talk to my husband, but the timing hasn't been right yet. My 40th birthday is tomorrow, and I know that this is (part of) the line of demarcation for me. I have been hinting around, but haven't really come out and told him my plans yet. Maybe I am making more of a big deal about it than I should...

I really wish I had the MWO book in hand, as I would like to thumb thru it before buying. I did read the excerpts from the website. I will probably go and get the supplements from the health food store before I end up with the book, so I am wondering: are the amounts that people are taking the same as those suggested on RJ's FAQ thread?

I appreciate hearing everyone's feelings and stories. I plan to join the "just starting in the new year" thread soon.

CS

[Guest]

CS of Testing the Waters

Re: Dosages of supps

CS,
You can download the book as a pdf. I did that because I was too impatient to wait for the book. I did buy a copy of the book as well as the pdf. I couldn't find it in any stores aroudn here, including Barnes and Noble so I had to order online.

Best of luck and welcome!

Marcie