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    #1

    Back On The AF Path

    Its 4.45pm here in England, I've just come in from work, gone to my cupboard and found the L-glut and the kudzu right at the back, taken them before coming upstairs and booting up the computer......

    Today I'm making some changes to my life. Firstly, I'm sitting here with a cup of tea (instead of my first glass) and secondly, I'm posting again. I've also put a zero in my Drinktracker for today.

    I thought I was in control after trying to moderate. Physically I've not been doing too bad, didn't think I was overdoing things but old habits have crept up. But its been the depression that has knocked my life sidewards. I have felt really low, have totally isolated myself from everyone including the people who are most important to me and they are suffering because of me. Thats not fair.

    I want to feel good again. I want to feel happy. I want the fog to lift. I'm taking control. Day 1 and I'm bang in the middle of my witching hour - no, hours! I know it will be a long evening, I'm home alone but I know I can do this.

    love Janicexxx
    AF since 9 May 2012
    Quit trying to control something that is uncontrollable (Bear February 08)
    Tags: None
    #2
    Back On The AF Path

    Good for you, Janice! I know that you know how to do this, and I know you'll be fine. It's difficult at first, but it gets better so quickly that you will soon know you have done something wonderful for yourself!

    wip

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      #3
      Back On The AF Path

      Janice good luck...I too am back on the AF track. Day one for me!! Again;-)

      Comment

        #4
        Back On The AF Path

        Welcome Back, Janice!!!

        You sound determined and back in control. The fog will lift - "trust the process" (YAH once gave me that advice in my early days and I never forgot it).

        Love,
        Beck

        Sometimes you get there in spite of your route, losing track of your life and what it's about, the road seems to know when to straighten right out...Mary Chapin Carpenter

        Comment

          #5
          Back On The AF Path

          Thank you everyone.....it feels good therapy just sitting here posting and reading all your supportive words. Janicexxx
          AF since 9 May 2012
          Quit trying to control something that is uncontrollable (Bear February 08)

          Comment

            #6
            Back On The AF Path

            Hi Janice

            Glad you have renewed commitment.
            Are you still on anti-depressants?

            A psychologist told me to think of not drinking as antidepressant. In fact, he said that would do more than an anti-depressant would in some cases.

            That is a useful way to think of it actually. Look at the glass and just realize it is going to depress you. I think many people have self-destructive streaks but deep down there is the instinct of self-preservation.

            Good luck with your plan.

            Nancy

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              #7
              Back On The AF Path

              nancy;419416 wrote: Hi Janice
              A psychologist told me to think of not drinking as antidepressant. In fact, he said that would do more than an anti-depressant would in some cases.

              That is a useful way to think of it actually. Look at the glass and just realize it is going to depress you. I think many people have self-destructive streaks but deep down there is the instinct of self-preservation.
              That's right, Nancy: Cheapest antidepressant in the world, and with only beneficial side-effects!

              wip

              Comment

                #8
                Back On The AF Path

                nancy;419416 wrote: Hi Janice

                Glad you have renewed commitment.
                Are you still on anti-depressants?

                A psychologist told me to think of not drinking as antidepressant. In fact, he said that would do more than an anti-depressant would in some cases.

                That is a useful way to think of it actually. Look at the glass and just realize it is going to depress you. I think many people have self-destructive streaks but deep down there is the instinct of self-preservation.

                Good luck with your plan.

                Nancy
                How I wish I had stopped drinking before starting the ADs. My depression lifted with the drinking stopped

                Janice that is fantastic that you sound so positve and enthusiastic. It really will make all the difference to you. The evenings will get shorter and more fun, you will feel great very soon.
                Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
                Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

                Comment

                  #9
                  Back On The AF Path

                  Welcome Janice
                  I too learned after 108 AF days earlier this year that I cannot moderate - within days was back to similar levels of drinking as before.
                  I started afresh on 1st September going AF and have found the support on here most useful. It is definitely getting easier - the first 10 days or so were the worst. Hang on in there - it will get better. Loved the earlier comments about not drinking being a great anti-depressant. If you read through the threads you'll find loads of tips and inspirational comments that will keep you going and inspire you when times are tough.
                  Good luck

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Back On The AF Path

                    Janice: It's wonderful to have you back. I had a revelation a few days ago as well that drinking is just not for me. I've been mostly AF, but mostly isn't good enough. Every now & then I would go on a binge & drink an entire bottle of wine. A few days ago, I wrote a thread about my relapsing. I needed to 'fess up & reset my DrinkTracker. I have all zeroes from Sept. 17th until today. It feels so good to be back in control of my life, & I consider myself a non-drinker. Thanks so much for coming back.

                    Mary
                    Wisdom, Courage, Strength
                    October 3, 2012

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Back On The AF Path

                      Janice, We're all in the same boat with you, paddling away, and yet, sometimes only going in circles. After a week of not drinking, back in May, I decided I would try "moderation" too. I was thrilled at how I felt a buzz after just a couple glasses of wine, rather than the whole bottle. However, by week's end, I was back to a bottle. As a matter of fact, I went through a period of not being able to get enough. I'd start with a six pack of something, then open the bottle. This vicious cycle followed me until I decided to try to gain control again. So here I am, one week AF.
                      When life is more than you can stand...kneel.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Back On The AF Path

                        Welcome Back Janice
                        Many of us have tried the Mod route. I know for me that it is not possible. I must do everything in my power to remain AF. I also rely quite heavily on a power greater than myself. Best wishes.
                        "Decide-Which Voice in Your Head you Can Keep Alive" (Shinedown)

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                          #13
                          Back On The AF Path

                          Janice, glad you're here. Hope the sadness lifts quickly and happiness finds you soon!

                          omw
                          Was an alcoholic yesterday, an alcoholic today and will still be an alcoholic tomorrow..... but I'm in charge now!

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Back On The AF Path

                            Good to have you back Janice, I've missed you.

                            Keep posting even if you feel blue (I know.. do as I say not as I do) The days will rack up again and you will feel better able to cope with all life's little games.

                            Take care
                            Learn from yesterday, live for today and hope for tomorrow - Einstein
                            AF 8 June 2012

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Back On The AF Path

                              awesome job just do your best and its all in one day at a time .. good luck you can do this
                              :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
                              best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

                              Comment

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