Sobriety then Recovery?

[Janice]

Once I've had that "light bulb moment" and that switch has gone down, I know I can get my sobriety back - I've done it before, 42days, 60 days, 120 days. Its the recovery bit that I get wrong, and I end up going back to the drink. Without a doubt, I know this is what I need to work on...I need to change the way I think for one thing. I have been so down, so negative about everything lately, I need to change all that. Too many negative thoughts bouncing around my head!

How have others "tackled" this bit, I would love to know - Darling, Chief, Kate, July, Abouttimetoo (I know exercise plays a major part), Det and many others, please help??

Janicexxx

[boozehag]

Sobriety then Recovery?

Hi janice
welcome back. I dont know the answer to your question and am just coming up to 6 months on the program with great success. Do you think that its when the initial euphoria of getting on top of our AL problems wears off that we get complacent or what do you think triggers the slide back into it. There are quite a few returning to the fold recently for some maintainance as I call it. I know that whenever I feel a bit down or feel negative or even just bored with the whole thing I just think about how far I have come and where I might be now if I hadnt have found my way out and that cheers me right up.
BH (no more)

[Guest]

Sobriety then Recovery?

Janice,
I can speak for no one but myself.

Recovery is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I did several types of counseling and lots and lots of personal work on myself too. I sobbed like I have never sobbed in my life and worked my butt off to find the core of why I did not like myself. It was like taking the layers off the onion. I would get so far, and sometimes I'd have to stop there and wait till I was ready to tackle the next bit. I used a structure from Carolyn Myss using Chakra work (her book is called something like the seven stages of healing and it was my bible for about 2 years).. I also did cutting the ties and inner child work and I have also used EFT, as well as seeing a professional counselor (I had a lot of issues!!!). I also started being open with friends (selected few). For me, sobriety was the easy bit in comparison (but that was also hard, of course). I did not share the content of the inner work on this open forum, it was WAY too personal.

I found that I had to go to the base of the emotion that was crippling me and face it then it was like a load was taken off my shoulders. I believe that this type of work on myself will be an ongoing thing but it is not so desperate now... not nearly.

I guess I chose a few things.. health (so making healthy food choices and exercise) sanity (so meditation) and happiness (hard inner work).

Its interesting how we actually KNOW that alcohol is a depressant and yet we can be so drawn to it when we are depressed.

If its worth doing then its worth doing well. No way do I want to be at day 1 again ever. Been there too many times and I'm not doing it again. Forwards and upwards is my trajectory and that is my promise to myself. And I'm not lying when I say its worth it.

Well, you asked. Good luck.
Brigid

[A Work in Progress]

Sobriety then Recovery?

I like what Brigid said:

I guess I chose a few things.. health (so making healthy food choices and exercise) sanity (so meditation) and happiness (hard inner work).

What I would add is that the "happiness" component includes, for me, a heavy dose of "giving back" or "helping others."

There is a whole branch of psychology now developing, called "Positive Psychology," that is all about the scientific study of how human beings can be not just "OK," but genuinely happy. The findings generally tend to indicate that we can't stay happy with whatever it is that makes us feel good in the short term (even something as huge as getting sober). We have to have the basics (good nutrition, exercise), but also we continually need new and meaningful challenges. One of the most effective of those types of challenges is in the area of helping others. This is one of the examples of a really good insight that the founders of AA incorporated into their program, a long time ago: the "giving back" part of their program is somewhere in the 12 steps (can't remember where!), and the old-timers (successfully sober people) in AA are almost always enthusiastic about helping newcomers and those who are struggling.

Also, meditation can help tremendously in helping us to deal with negative thinking.

best wishes,

wip

[startingover]

Sobriety then Recovery?

Hi there Janice. I am ONLY just starting to recover. I have been sober for nearly 3 months and sometimes I think that is the easy part. Now the hard work comes in. I am looking at it like I am building a new life and a new way of being for myself. Sometimes its so damn hard and sometimes its so damn wonderful. I guess that is just life? I am reading a lot and learning about other peoples struggles, I have also had counselling and I am trying to understand my feelings rather than react immediately to them. As I say, this is just early days for me. I am learning as I go along.

[startingover]

Sobriety then Recovery?

There is a whole branch of psychology now developing, called "Positive Psychology,"

woo hoo wipster, I am just learning a bit about that in my course!!!!!!!!! Yay )

[startingover]

Sobriety then Recovery?

I also would like to learn to meditate but my efforts in the past have always been quite disastrous

[A Work in Progress]

Sobriety then Recovery?

startingover;420152 wrote: I also would like to learn to meditate but my efforts in the past have always been quite disastrous

pm me if you want, StartingO, and maybe I can help. Did you check out the "Mindfulness In Plain English" book? It is a fantastic intro. Many times, if we feel that our efforts are "disastrous," it means that our expectations were out of whack (often we expect that meditation will quickly result in wonderful peaceful feelings, or that we should be able to make our thoughts stop).

wip

[july232007]

Sobriety then Recovery?

Janice,

I will think more about this then write later, but here is my initial impression.

By the time I came upon this site, 14 months ago today, I had failed at moderation countless times. The same cycle that you know so well. But I had reached a place where I was ready to tackle the "recovery". I understood that it would be hard work. First, hard to quit the steady, reliable habit of drinking. But hard too in that I was doing something that made me aware that I was vulnerable. I was changing how I lived and if I was going to be honest that was a change that had to be for good. And, failure at that was to acknowledge that I was killing me, slowly.

So with much trepadation I began...a journey blindfolded began. The blindfold came off after a while and the daily work of understanding that I am relearning how to live right and live smart continues. I know to my core that I can never go back to a drinking life and that knowledge suffices. For me exercise and reflection are ways to contemplate this choice.

I agree w/ Brigid and it is hard work. As you know, it is worth it. And, at the vantage point of 14 months AF all my experiences confirm this belief.

Take care Janice and keep at it.

July

[A Work in Progress]

Sobriety then Recovery?

July, can you tell us more about how you did this? Anything specific that really helped you to "live right and live smart"? Thanks, and congratulations on 14 months!!

wip

[cowgal]

Sobriety then Recovery?

new

I am new back at being AF, but I know that AL is NOT an option for me, I just have to find another way to "deal", to "have fun", to "relax"..................now that I look at it, AL never "helped" me do any of those things, it just helped me to numb myself, so it was easier (I guess???) to deal w/ the feelings......................

Just a thought, I have about 15 days only this time, but I KNOW this is it!! It is a really good feeling too!! I am totally looking forward to things nowadays, which is cool!

lots of love,:h:l:h

MA

[retteacher]

Sobriety then Recovery?

I hardly feel qualified to weigh in here what w/all the times I've gone AF & then have relapsed (as recently as a week ago). However, I have had long periods of sobriety. There is definitely the "pink cloud" (as the AA's call it) of early sobriety. The feeling of the awful weight being lifted off one's shoulders.

I think that I have to take a multiple approach to my problem. I can't count on one thing as the be-all & end-all. I've been concentrating on:
-first & foremost, NOT PICKING UP THE DRINK!
-when I get the drinking thinking, looking at why & then letting it go.
-going to 12 step meetings.
-looking at the steps on the WFS (Women for Sobriety) site.
-using at all the relapse prevention tools I've learned.
-staying busy but not too busy.
-helping others.
-And most importantly for me: NEVER taking any kind of break from MWO.

Thank you so much for starting this thread. I will come back to it frequently. I have a similar pattern to yours Janice.

Mary

[MormonMom]

Sobriety then Recovery?

Hi Janice! Good to see ya this morning. It sounds like what you're going through right now isn't so much the "craving" alcohol, but rather facing your depressing emotions without AL. I have an awesome idea for getting rid of the "Negative Nellies". Start a Gratitude Journal. Each day, make it a point to write down 5 positive things that happened to you throughout the day. It might sound a little petty, but trust me! It works! I have a Gratitude Journal that I started 8 years ago. I don't go on it all the time, but when I feel myself starting to get too negative, I pull it out and start using it. When you start, you'll have a hard time thinking about positive things. You might write down, "1) I'm thankful for having a roof over my head. 2) I'm thankful for the food I eat..." etc. But then, as the days pass, you'll start recognizing the positives in your life. It might be that person that let you cut in front of them at the grocery store, or the driver that let you change lanes during rush hour traffic, or a nice statement from someone you don't know. Try it. See what happens. Janice - you are a WONDERFUL person. There's #1 for your first entry

[A Work in Progress]

Sobriety then Recovery?

Practicing gratitude! That's a great one, MM, and it is actually one that has been researched by some of the scientists who do Positive Psychology. People who do this kind of practice appear to benefit from it; however, as with everything else, the benefits appear to level off after time. A huge challenge for humans is that we have to keep changing, and doing new things, or we stagnate and stop benefiting, even from really important and helpful things like practicing sobriety and gratitude!

We are like sharks: if we stop swimming against the current, we die.

wip

[Janice]

Sobriety then Recovery?

Boozehag, yeh definitely with me its after that "honeymoon" period of sobriety. I feel healthy, good about myself and able to take on anything! All of a sudden I'm in no man's land, not sure where I fit in and even questioning whether I had a problem afterall! I'm starting to learn that just because I find the "getting sober" bit the "easy" part, I'm still a long way off recovery. Maybe thats going to be forever who knows.

AboutTimeToo, as usual, I'm greedy for your input and really appreciate your post. A Work in Progress, I've just realised and its interesting that I've only ever used meditation to help me get sober and get those early AF weeks under my belt. Maybe this has to be ongoing and will help banish those negative thoughts.

Starting Over, so agree that we have to commit to a new life. I think one of Bear's posts said something very similar and gave me a kick-start last year. July, thank you, I look forward to more from you!!

Cowgal, 15days!! Thank you for your motivating post!! I remember "following" behind you last year!! I too need to make some changes that will help the stresses in my life. I should realise by now that escaping with AL does not solve anything because all those stresses/bad feelings are still there when the alcohol has worn off!!

Mary, dear Mary, I really don't know how you can say you hardly feel qualified.....Mary, over recent times when I've been lurking, not posting but reading, you are one of those special people who have given me such strength and helped me come back, own up, and get back to it! By the way I too have been looking at the WFS site and I'm hoping to combine it with MWO. I've ordered Jean Kirkpatrick's book.

Mormonmom, I liked the journal idea and funny enough I've already been and got myself a notebook!! Something I also picked up from the WFS site was to think about our thoughts and to springclean our minds of negativity by writing them down.

Well, you've all given me food for thought, thank you so much!! Today is Day 2, I'm going to put my zero in drinktracker now because I know I won't drink. The house is quiet, there's no-one home, but I know I'll be fine.

Janicexxx