AF and finding my way

[july232007]

This weekend marks 14 months AF. I don't know if it is the change in seasons or just the mellowing as I remain AF but it seems like I have found a balance or normalcy in this life.

As a long time drinker and a relatively short time abstainer by comparison, I am wary not to fall into complacency. And I don't want to sound like I have the answer to this profound problem; but, I do feel a sense of well being and calm acceptance in that this is who I am: I don't drink.

As I think of all the trouble I have had over the years quiting drinking, I am amazed at how peaceful life really is now.


I'd greatly appreciate the perspective of others who have had similar or different experiences as they have progressed with this AF life.

Thanks,

July

[lushy]

AF and finding my way

Well done July! Really well done. I do not know your history very well but would love to know what has worked for you? Did you do the MWO program, did you simply decide you were done with drinking? Whatever the case may be I applaud you at 14 months. You must feel amazing.

[startingover]

AF and finding my way

Oh July, that is fantastic to hear! Well done!
I am nearly 3 mnths af and recently for the first time in years I am feeling that peace and calm that I sought through drink and drugs that was there all the time.
At the moment I am at the stage of OK now I am AF....now what?? And it is sometimes very frightening. But also it is sometimes very exciting. Over the last few days I have been to 2 social occaisions that I actually enjoyed!!!
I think I can do this. And reading about others like you who are doing it and happy helps me. Thank you!

[Guest]

AF and finding my way

July,
That fear of complacency is still a big fear with me. I have read of so many people who go so many years only to fall back to where they were at the beginning. Thats why I have worked so hard to address what I think were the causes of my slipping into drinking so badly.

I'd say use the peace to build up the defenses in case anything comes along to rock that peace.

Keep it up. You are doing great.
Brigid

[A Work in Progress]

AF and finding my way

Thanks for the thoughtful post, and big congratulations on your long-term freedom from alcohol!!!

about time too;426035 wrote: July,
That fear of complacency is still a big fear with me.
Brigid

Me too! The big thing I think that I did wrong in the past, after 3 years sober, was to cut myself loose from my support group (AA), which allowed me to "forget" the urgency of staying free of alcohol (because the consequences of alcohol abuse was no longer "in my face" on a frequent basis, and because I wasn't spending time with people who knew how bad things are for me, when I drink). Hence, complacency.

wip

[gyco]

AF and finding my way

well done JULY, peace of mind is a great reward

[Seacailin]

AF and finding my way

Hi July
14 months is absolutely fabulous!!! I have had long term sobriety in the past and having inner peace is a huge reward of that. As you have said, complacency is dangerous, so do stick to whatever it is that you are doing that is working for u. Best wishes.

[tlrgs]

AF and finding my way

i feel the same way .. i am now coming on my count down to 12 months and i feel great and the thing is that i know what i want ..being a long time drinker myself im surprise how i am today and the ways i am feeling and the ways i handle everything now .. there is a calm and the thing is i know i dont want the storm anymore .. keep up the great work you are doing an awesome job

[Waiting for his way out]

AF and finding my way

Thank you for letting us know it is possible. You deserve our admiration.

[kriger]

AF and finding my way

You are a true inspiration! I hope to someday make it to that place of peace...I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it! Thank you for your insightful post!
Kriger

[july232007]

AF and finding my way

A follow up by July

Lushy & friends here at MWO,

Yes, I began with the MWO program of suppliments and the book. I read the book through and ordered the suppliments. I started the program first without the supplements but knowing that they would arrive in a day or so, it gave me the nerve to attempt the AF plunge. I chose a Friday because those days were the hardest days for me not to drink. I set two goals for myself (1) try, truly try as hard as I could 30 days AF; and, if that worked attempt goal (2) AF for life.

So, with the help of the book, reading posts nightly, and the daily ritual of checking in on the monthly abs thread I was off. (I ordered the CD's but never listened to them, I'm not sure why.) The first 10 days were extremely difficult: all the things we all know--moody, wanting to drink, upset by little things, fear of failure--that cycle. I shut off the volume to that tape in my head.

Thirty days to 100 days is when I realized that I was becomming a non-drinker in thought and action. 200-300 days gave me time to see that the effort was worth the initial struggle. A year AF was a mile post that I really doubted I could make when I first found this place on July 23, 2007. And, I don't think I could have understood how much a single year AF could change one's outlook and approach to life.

A little over 14 months ago I was a man drinking 10+ beers a night and sometimes a lot more than that. I was letting life my life slip by and numbing myself to existence: good and bad. My background is familar and similar to many here. I grew up in an alcoholic family and never drank until college. I drank then at parties and probably unknowingly set my own alcoholic roots. During graduate school I started to use beer as the reward for presure filled days. My young professional life was a continuation of that-- work hard, reward. I progressed in my professional life and met my wife. We married and both drank. Our drinking increased and we wrote that off to presures in a young family. We--on the surface--thought everything was fine. But I knew that drinking was starting to take over. I resisted self awareness and told myself that I was not like my father who drank himself to death 20 years ago--alone, destitute and on the street.

Our family grew and we now had three small children. Our drinking patterns remaind the same, beer reward for me every day and wine for my wife. The amounts increased. We both knew that this was not the way we intended to live our lives but, we were busy and working to bring up our kids. We were on the trap of our own design: drunk at night and faking our way through life during the day.

Four years ago my wife came home and told me she was going to AA that night. I was shocked and scared. I was terrified that if Mrs. July had a problem then I knew I had a problem. And, I really did not want to have a problem. I liked drinking every night. Well she went to AA : I'm not sure what freaked me out worse, her wanting help or the idea that I might have to go to AA some day. I was unhinged by that thought (too damn proud at that time). Well, after three meetings Mrs. July told me that she probably was never going to drink again as she was an alcoholic. I cried.

For the next two to three years I tried moderating with alcohol. A disaster. I would have these great plans. Drink only on the weekends. Drink only two on the weekends. OK two on a social night during the week, well maybe a couple after a really hard period of work. Never drink around the kids. Just two around the kids. Does this sound familar to many here? I actually increased my drinking during this period when I was "cutting down." By this point Mrs. July had done three years AF and I knew her change was real. I knew too that I was fucking up the best thing that had ever happened to me: our marriage. I knew too that I was at risk of hurting our children more if I kept it up. Who knows what damage had already been done? I knew I was killing myself and wrecking what I was supposed to be loving: family. I was at the edge of a cliff and I knew it.

So, last summer full of fear but with a belief that I could do better I searched the web. I came accross MWO on July 23,2007. On that night I knew what the stakes were and I vowed to myself that I would: (1) go AF for 30 days and if that worked (2) live and be AF for life. I have never worked at something as hard as I have worked at this. I work this hard because my life depends on it.

I owe my 14 months AF to MWO, you all here and RJ. And for that I am thankful.

Well, I will be right here reading the abs and subs (posting about once a day a few lines) and getting back to living this life that I nearly missed.

Take care friends,

July

[doubter]

AF and finding my way

great post July!

It is so inspirational to read your post. The epiphany. The struggle. And then slowly to come out of the al-induced fog. Your post traverses all these mandatory phases.

I am alcohol-free now for the past seven months. Looking back, the real gain in being sober is to find my real self again. It has been painful sometimes, having to confront the real me. But an essential part of growing up, I guess.

I look up to people like you for inspiration.

Congratulations!:goodjob:

Karmayogi

[retteacher]

AF and finding my way

July: What an incredible story! That fact that on 7/23/07 you found MWO, & that very same day, you gave up AL for good is beyond amazing. I came into MWO a few months before you & have done all those crazy moderation gyrations that you described in your story in the year & a half that I've been here. I guess I just wasn't ready to admit that I could not drink at all. I am now. I am on the road to being a non-drinker.

Your wife sounds like an amazing person as well. To go to AA & decide on night #1 that she was an alcoholic & had to stop drinking is inspirational.

Mary