Open Letter to My Sister

[yabasta]

Removed the letter since my sister actually found it, and I'm not interested in invading her safe space. I didn't realize she'd be wandering into the family board. I hope that those of you who are communicating with her keep giving her love and encouragement. She's doesn't believe it when it comes from her family.

I wish I could have keep some semblance of anonymity, because this seems like an incredibly supportive group of people. I'll keep looking. Good luck to all of you, whether those fighting for control over their drink of choice, or those who have to watch the storm.

[needachange]

Open Letter to My Sister

Sis,

I can relate with your story, however, I am the one who drinks too much in my family. I do work everyday, and I am a functional problem drinker. I have also caused my family much pain. It is not that your sister doesnt care, I would guess. She is just so sick and she probably had no idea how to stop. She probably cant. Is she using this site? It has really helped me see things differently. Is she abusing other drugs than alcohol. I feel your pain and I wish there was something magical to say and take it away. Encourage her to get on this site as often as she can. The support is great. I will say if she doesnt want to quit, it wont happen. Does she realize she has a problem. Most alcoholics live in a big state of blame but it is really because they hate themselves and are so full of guilt. It is easier to blame others. I hope the best for you, your parents, and sister. Maybe your parents should just say no and let her hit her bottom. Sometimes, that is the only answer. Hard though, I know.

May want to jump in general discussion. Many more people visit there and will help you through this with suggestions.

[Bambi]

Open Letter to My Sister

Dear Y...

I wish you were my sister! You are someone who cares very much. I hope your sister reads this with an open heart..........

Thanks for sharing your side of the story. It really helps us (me) on the other side.

Don't forget to take care of YOU!
Best Wishes & Hugs,
Love, Bambi

[yabasta]

Open Letter to My Sister

needachange

thanks for the reply. supposedly, my sister at least reads the forums here. that is how I heard about the site in the first place. I looked around a little, and didn't see any posts that appeared to be her, so I don't think she is actually posting yet. I think that is the hardest part of everything, knowing that I can't do anything to help her. What makes it worse is that she's always been there for me and helped me through my hardest times (breakups, etc). And I feel a lot of guilt for not being able to be there for her. We live miles apart and I hardly ever see her.

She only recently owned up to her alcoholism. She talks about wanting/needing help. But nothing has really come of it. I think she drinks mostly out of loneliness (and to self-medicate clinical depression). Which is ironic, considering that while she is a complete joy sober, after just a glass of wine she's fairly intolerable.

Do it help or hurt to hear about the pain that your drinking causes the people around you? I mean, it may be cathartic for me to write my angry prose, but it is completely not worth it if it will only make things worse for her.

[suez2225]

Open Letter to My Sister

Dear Y,

Thank you for your post. I think I just like your sister, made my whole family suffer because of me. Just 2 month ago my younger sister mad at me because my behavior after I drunk. At that time I really mad at my sister coz i think she don't understand me, after read your post I realize that she mad because she love me. And luckily I am AF since then, now my sister doesn't mad at me anymore.

But, I am sure that your sister isn't feel good herself. Hope your sister read your post too.

And for Y sister, if you ever read this, do try to visit here often if you need support to quit drinking. :l

[Evie.Lou]

Open Letter to My Sister

I think she has taken a huge step by owning up to her alcoholism...Do you understand that the last thing that an Alcoholic wants to do is DRINK???They don't take the Drink, the drink takes THEM.Yesterday Boss Man posted something that I think you would benefit from reading...It is very important.Go to Membership list at the top of the page.Go to the B's and look up boss man.Under his name click (read all posts.)Then read what he posted yesterday...I think this will help you and your sister...Blessings to you and your family..

[Heavenly]

Open Letter to My Sister

If you are psting this on the family members section then you, as do we on other sections, have every right to post how you feel.
As they say on other threads read what you need and leave the rest.

Post what helps you to cope with this.

I am the one with a problem in my family but I see it from both sides having a relative with a drink problem too.

Welcome to mwo.

[difficulttimes1]

Open Letter to My Sister

wow, you sound like my sister. Are you from NY? i doubt you are, but its pretty interesting how all of us alcoholics may have similar reactions from our siblings or parents.

[karbihere]

Open Letter to My Sister

WOW what a letter. I can relate to this letter how ever my sister has showed NO understanding with my issues and drinking and she has a degree in PSY... coming from a family where I was molested by my adoptive father for years ( this is her bio father not mine ) It seems I only talked about these issues when drinking and all I ever heard from my family is be quiet you are just looking for attention... No body did anything about it.. Today I have a year sober and it has not been easy for me at all, I have cut all ties with family.... I HAVE TOO....to much pain and anger will only drive me back to the bottle and I do not want to do that, I have worked so hard to stay sober.... Thanks MWO and for all the people who post I know that I am not alone and that there is hope and healing if we truly want it

[Waiting for his way out]

Open Letter to My Sister

Yabasta, it has taken my husband over 12 years to come to the conclusion he has a problem. The book and its program has helped a lot. He is now able to go several days AF. He too blamed his problem on everything else but himself.
You are a great support just by letting her know how you feel. You should give your parents the "Co-dependent no more" book (found in most book stores) it will give them great insight on what they are beint put through and they will be able to understand how to react to your sister. Good luck.

[yabasta]

Open Letter to My Sister

No, not from NY.

you know, I would completely support my sister cutting off ties with the family if (whether justified or not) we are a source of anger and stress for her. I mean, honestly, who really cares whose fault it it? I would just like to see her happy every once in a while. I would like to see the whole family happier. At this point, even if we couldn't ever talk to her again, if we knew she was sober and safe, I think it would be well worth the sacrifice.

Whatever she needs.

But, as bad as it is, it seems like the proverbial bottom my be a long time coming, yet.

[nancy]

Open Letter to My Sister

Hi Yabasta

I see so many things in the email you posted. First you are really angry at how your sister's problem is affecting your parents' life and your life. I wonder if part of you has some sibling jealousy or competitiveness because she is messing up and getting all the attention. I hope that doesn't offend you, just something that can arise.

After all, you don't see her that much so why are you so angry at her? Or are your parents the ones complaining to you? It's up to them if they want to help her so I think you should stay out of that and just go on living your own life miles away. If they complain to you tell them you don't want to discuss it because you find it too distressing and tell them to invest in that codependency book. If they are being taken advantage of they should do something about it themselves and they are adults.

You can tell the same to your sister, that it's too distressing for you, causes you too much pain to hear about her self-sabotage. But the tone in your messages above in my opinion, would cause a depressed person a lot of pain.

You say you care about her and feel guilty not being there for her but you also say you don't care why she is destroying herself. These are conflicting feelings. Maybe you feel powerless to help and you are a person who likes to fix things. If so, you need to let it go if it makes you this angry. Maybe Alanon would help?

I know the cycle of being depressed, self-medicating with alcohol and then becoming more depressed must seem impossible to understand from the outside, but for the person suffering it makes sense to alleviate the suffering temporarily with alcohol and the link with long-term mental health does not seem to sink in.

A doctor can help explain that to her and maybe some medication could help. She can come here and read up on everything and find a better way to deal with her depression. She should be in therapy too.

Nancy

[Waiting for his way out]

Open Letter to My Sister

I completely understand your anger. For us, the non-drinkers, that is all we have to fight back. We scream, cry and yell at the top of our lungs. The angrier we are the bigger the problem becomes. Trust me, if you are able to reduce your anger and realize there is nothing you can do about her drinking until she starts doing something herself, the better it will be for you and for your parents. Read the book with them and formulate a plan together to deal with your sister, because it is clear you love her so much... deep in your heart.

[oldslippers]

Open Letter to My Sister

i think its perfectly acceptable to be angry at someone you love when they are destroying themselves and others around them, thats also known as LOVE, being jealous of a drunk !!! i dont think so - we just want a proper relationship with our loved ones that doesnt revolve around alcohol.
getting involved with other peoples drunk loved ones and problems can only compound things -
we love our brothers / sisters / aunts etc we cant dissapear into a bottle - we are frustrated it wont stop

[Waiting for his way out]

Open Letter to My Sister

AMEN