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    Hi, newby needing some input

    :new:

    Hi everyone, am very relieved to find this site and hope that those who are already here don't mind me joining. I actually don't drink alcohol ever. I'm in the Uk. I would be very grateful for any insights especially from thise who have had a problem with alcohol abuse or may be parents worried about their teens. My daughter is telling me that her drinking problem is all in "my head" but to be honest, she could make you think you had stolen your own car at the best of times.....I think I am being manipulated again.

    I live alone with my almost 19yr old daughter who drinks every Friday and Saturday night to extremes, it's started to spill into Thursdays or wednesdays. last week she went to work after being up all night and not sleeping then came home and went out again. I mostly do not see the terrible states she describes herself as getting in to at times as she sleeps out. Also on occasion she won't get too drunk to get home but is always what I would describe as drunk. I realised when she was 14 there's nothing I can do to stop her from drinking although I did try as best as I could, phoned all the other parents to try and stop our children drinking together etc but they wouldn't help me as they drink too and think it's ok to give kids booze. She has been a problem since then. It's been years of hell with extreme behaviours and finally the drinking is the icing on the cake. She assures me that this was normal and most of her friends do what she does, disrespecting parents, telling them to F. Off when they are angry, screaming the house down and binge drinking and that I am deluded to think otherwize. It has been steadily getting worse.

    She drank all of her monthly wage yet again,( she's even sold things she has bought because she drank money needed for the rest of the month.) This month however she stayed in for two weeks saying she had learned her lesson. On Thursday she got paid at midnight and went out to go to a club, she didn't come home all night. I found out friday that she hadn't slept and went to work in dirty clothes. She came home bathed and went to her friend to sleep there. she said she wouldn't drink but later I found she had . She came home and went out at 9pm Saturday .

    Sunday 5pm I recieve a call from her in a terrible state, crying , slurring her words, telling me she had thought she had been drugged the night before. She had managed to get from one friend's house to the others. I have to say had she not said she was afraid she had been drugged I wouldn't have gone to get her but I was frightened.

    It transpired she had drank from the time she went out till after 4pm the next day without sleep and at times alone. she left her friends house at 4pm carrying a glass of wine in the street and walking along to the other friends drinking it. Then she called me !! Of course this wasn't what she told me, Her friends were fine and were concerned for her. I saw a doctor at the hospital who said she had just been drinking very heavily. I got so mad with a mix of fear and anger and told her off when we got back into the car. She then became abusive telling me I didn't care about her, that the state she was in was partly my fault, becoming so agressive verbally, screaming to be let out of the car eventually I had had enough and let her out. She staggered off drunk and stayed out all that night, went to work in the morning in filthy clothes, unwashed, wreaking of alcohol. her friend called me to let me know she would be there.

    Now I have banned all alcohol and told her to be in by midnight ot the locks will be changed. She tells me, there is no problem with her drinking, it's all in my head. She would rather leave than not drink on her birthday late November.

    I realised today that I have to get her to leave and that by living with me I am enabling her to steadily get worse. She says I am mentally ill and haven't a clue.

    Anyone?

    #2
    Hi, newby needing some input

    :hello2::colorwelcome::wave::groupluv: if she is living under your roof.. yeah put your foot down .. but also try to be as supportive as possable ..talk dont yell
    :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
    best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

    Comment


      #3
      Hi, newby needing some input

      Polly, I have young daughter who is only 3 coming on 4 in November. It scares the hell out of me as to what she may do experimenting with alcohol and drugs in the future. I guess you are a lot further on in that stage with your own daughter. Please don't bit my head off here Polly but it sounds like your daughter is taking more than alcohol. I have lead a hedonistic lifestyle for many years and been into the rave scene from a very early age. I'm 38 now. It sounds very much like she is into this kind of scene that makes her feel a part of the youth of today. Most young kids I know today personally are all talking about the next big high etc. It reminds me of my own youth when living in London. Those highs and lows are due to taking 'speed' 'coke' or 'e's' there is no doubt about it in my mind. I've been there and done it ALL. This is not just about alcohol in my mind reading your post. If I'm wrong I'm sorry to of offended you. It's not my intention but from my own experiences this sounds like it goes a lot deeper than just alcohol. I have been a binge drinker drug taker from the age of 16. I have taken every drug under the sun and some...... You really need to talk to her about other things as well I feel. Don't force the issue but you need her to know that you only care about her welfare.

      If you need to know more then pm me anytime. I'll get back to you ASAP.

      Love and Happiness
      Hippie
      xx
      "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
      Clean and sober 25th January 2009

      Comment


        #4
        Hi, newby needing some input

        Hi Hippie, I thought the same, must admit part of me still does but she let me take her to the hospital and I told her she would be blood tested, she didn't flinch. her friend takes drugs and I called her to see if she had taken something to experiment but theyve all sworn to me that she just drinks.

        I guess I'm here because I need to hear someone tell me that her drinking is really as out of control and unreasonable as I think it is. I know she's so messed up when she drinks that she is capable of doing anything, maybe even drugs but I can't deal with her anymore. She's drained the life out of me over the past 10yrs. Thank you both so much for the replies :l

        Comment


          #5
          Hi, newby needing some input

          Pollianna,

          My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you are going through this hell. Us alcoholics put our families through hell.

          Her drinking is out of control. Her life is spinning out of control. You are right about that.

          If she won't agree to get help, you probably should make her go on her own. I know how hard that is. Going to bed every night worrying about your child. Been there done that.

          But, like everyone else has said, she needs to know you love her and will support her if she tries to sober up. If she doesn't, you cannot let her continue to abuse you with her actions.

          Love,
          Cindi
          AF April 9, 2016

          Comment


            #6
            Hi, newby needing some input

            Hi Pollianna, just read your post and had to send one back, I have been there done that I have a seventeen year old son, who is a pot smoking racist manipulatior BIG TIME... could not stand me drunk and cant stand me with a year of sobriety.. Put down some rules told him what I expect out of him and If he does not follow thru there will be other things done... that was on July third and he ran away on the seventh have not heard from him in four months...... dont even know if he is alive what I DO DO is pray and give him to god, and keep doing what I need to do to take care of myself... Selfish? I have given this kid everything love support material things etc. He dropped out of driving school now x2 and never even had enough sense to come home and finish 12th grade.........................not to mention no phone call at all???? Im DONE

            Comment


              #7
              Hi, newby needing some input

              Hi Polli like hippie my kids are young but going on my own experiences your girl is definatley in trouble. I never did drugs but I did drink from the age of 12 and it has gotten proggresivly worse, thats why I'm here. I was put on antidepressant young due to the alcohol playing havoc with my emotions wild mood swings I was plain awful to my mother. So you dont have to take drugs for your emotions to be wild. Not saying that she isnt I'm just saying how alcohol affected me.
              Pyes

              Comment


                #8
                Hi, newby needing some input

                Polli, First, I am so sorry your daughter has put you in this position. I would agree with Hippie, sounds like there are drugs in the mix. As we know, 19 can be a pretty selfish age. I have often said if I were 1/2 as smart as I was at 19 I'd be a genius

                Educate yourself and be ready to help her when she is ready. As an alcoholic, I can tell you in my day I was very manipulative and deceitful. Now I am ashamed and full of regret.

                Best wishes to you,

                omw
                Was an alcoholic yesterday, an alcoholic today and will still be an alcoholic tomorrow..... but I'm in charge now!

                Comment


                  #9
                  Hi, newby needing some input

                  :thanks: Thank you all for the warm welcome. I'm much calmer now I have found this site. I have felt so alone for years dealing with her behaviour. Her father is not in this country and she's seen off any and all potential suitors since my boyfriend died when she was 7. I will sleep better tonight thanks to you all


                  I wanted to reply to you all individually but am almost alseep lol, work 12 hrs a day over 2 jobs , been a long hard day!! My God Karbinhere am so sorry your going through that. I suspect I will be soon too. I guess sometimes we have to just accept things as they are and forget, at least for a while how we thought they might be
                  Pauline xx

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