There have been a lot of questions about Co-Dependents. Everyone seems to have a different definition. Probably because every situation is different and we are all different people.
It took years for me to come to face to face with that term of co-dependent.
I don't believe that my behavior drove my husband to drink more and more, but the horrible daily life we were living certainly was no help.
Luckily a friend gave the Co-Dependent No More book. At first it seems just another self-help book, blah, blah, blah. But, the more I read the more I recognized myself and the horrific person I had become.
The screaming, crying, yelling, punishing and nurtering was so evident. Day after day.. Like looking at yourself in a mirror.
It took me 2 months to calm down and to practice the rules in the book. I still cry sometimes, but I hide now.
Just walk away, walk away or go out or run to another room when the drinking is back.
Starbucks became my best friend between 5:00pm and 7:00pm. I had some dinners alone and watched football alone, but at least there was no shouting in the house and the cat was not hiding under the table.
It is very difficult to remove yourself from the immediate consequences of AL, but it is worth it in the long run. For all families out there dealing with an alcoholic, I know what you are going through and I also know there is a better way. We can fight AL side-by-side instead of opposites sides. It has been the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life, at almost 50 years old I can look back and see that.
My loving husband is doing better and for the first time in a very long time (13 years) has made it through a full week. Should he slip and fall back I will be there, but this time quietly.
It took years for me to come to face to face with that term of co-dependent.
I don't believe that my behavior drove my husband to drink more and more, but the horrible daily life we were living certainly was no help.
Luckily a friend gave the Co-Dependent No More book. At first it seems just another self-help book, blah, blah, blah. But, the more I read the more I recognized myself and the horrific person I had become.
The screaming, crying, yelling, punishing and nurtering was so evident. Day after day.. Like looking at yourself in a mirror.
It took me 2 months to calm down and to practice the rules in the book. I still cry sometimes, but I hide now.
Just walk away, walk away or go out or run to another room when the drinking is back.
Starbucks became my best friend between 5:00pm and 7:00pm. I had some dinners alone and watched football alone, but at least there was no shouting in the house and the cat was not hiding under the table.
It is very difficult to remove yourself from the immediate consequences of AL, but it is worth it in the long run. For all families out there dealing with an alcoholic, I know what you are going through and I also know there is a better way. We can fight AL side-by-side instead of opposites sides. It has been the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life, at almost 50 years old I can look back and see that.
My loving husband is doing better and for the first time in a very long time (13 years) has made it through a full week. Should he slip and fall back I will be there, but this time quietly.
ray:
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