I was reluctant to post this because I was afraid to discourage all who are trying or maintaining living AF....but I needed to talk to someone about it, and I have talked with my dear friend Star at length the past couple days......she never came right out and said it, but I think she wants me to post....
As you know, I am a little over 14 months AF and have had no real problems remaining so until last Saturday night.....My in laws were here visiting and we went out to eat and when it was time to order drinks, The Beast immediately pops into my head and says..." go ahead, order a bloody mary....you can handle it now....have a drink with your father in law..."
Well, I immediately told the Beast to fuck off and I ordered a virgin bloody mary. My father in law had 3 rum and cokes....We had a great meal and evening and I thought that was that.....
The Beast didn't think so.....
You see, my FIL is also an alcoholic....was a bad one.....my wife's mother divorced him 30 years ago. But about 10 years ago he quit drinking....just like that. Now he only drinks on special occasions, like visiting us, and he will drink 2-3 drinks and stop.
Well, the in laws go home the next day, but since Saturday night I have been almost obsessed with having a drink.....I keep thinking... " I'm stronger than he is...why can't I do that?"....." I have 14 months AF....can't I test the waters...have just 2 drinks and walk away..."
I have been going round and round with this....and it scares me.....
It scares me and excites me at the same time. I cherish my sobriety, so why would I even be entertaining the thought of "testing the waters"....it's insane.
I haven't drank......but I sure have been thinking about it.....
I just wanted to let everyone know to not get complacent.....after 14 months, this hit me hard and fast, and I won't lie to you....I'm still struggling.
But, Thank God I went to Star.......we have been talking and she's really helped me keep my eye on the ball....Thanks, Star....I love you...
So, keep your eye on the ball everyone......you never know when The Beast will come out of nowhere...we have to be in this for the long haul.....
Don
As you know, I am a little over 14 months AF and have had no real problems remaining so until last Saturday night.....My in laws were here visiting and we went out to eat and when it was time to order drinks, The Beast immediately pops into my head and says..." go ahead, order a bloody mary....you can handle it now....have a drink with your father in law..."
Well, I immediately told the Beast to fuck off and I ordered a virgin bloody mary. My father in law had 3 rum and cokes....We had a great meal and evening and I thought that was that.....
The Beast didn't think so.....
You see, my FIL is also an alcoholic....was a bad one.....my wife's mother divorced him 30 years ago. But about 10 years ago he quit drinking....just like that. Now he only drinks on special occasions, like visiting us, and he will drink 2-3 drinks and stop.
Well, the in laws go home the next day, but since Saturday night I have been almost obsessed with having a drink.....I keep thinking... " I'm stronger than he is...why can't I do that?"....." I have 14 months AF....can't I test the waters...have just 2 drinks and walk away..."
I have been going round and round with this....and it scares me.....
It scares me and excites me at the same time. I cherish my sobriety, so why would I even be entertaining the thought of "testing the waters"....it's insane.
I haven't drank......but I sure have been thinking about it.....
I just wanted to let everyone know to not get complacent.....after 14 months, this hit me hard and fast, and I won't lie to you....I'm still struggling.
But, Thank God I went to Star.......we have been talking and she's really helped me keep my eye on the ball....Thanks, Star....I love you...
So, keep your eye on the ball everyone......you never know when The Beast will come out of nowhere...we have to be in this for the long haul.....
Don
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