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[j-vo]

Hi everyone,
I came to this site awhile back. I've been AF for 65 days now, and it is my hope that I can learn how to moderate my drinking. I'll give you an idea of my plan, and I'd love your feedback.

I first started to see a thereapist back in August. I'm glad I did, because it feels great getting things off my chest. I'd been drinking heavily for the last 6 years, and before that, on weekends with a day or two thrown into the week. But my life became somewhat of a mess these last 6. I knew I had to do something about it. It was affecting the very person I am as well as my family.

When I first started AF, it was my plan to stay AF forever. But these last several weeks got me to developing a plan for myself that would enable social drinking on a very restricted level.

I've made up my own drink tracker in which I'll note what I drank, when, and with whom. Besides the drink tracker, I'm writing daily in a journal of my thoughts about myself and this whole ordeal.

The next thing I typed was a "rules" list for myself. It basically gives me guidelines on how much I can drink, when or with whom. Some of the most important rules I have for myself are never to drink alone, limit the intake when I'm out to dinner to no more than two, never buy it for home, never drink for emotional reasons, drink only on special occasions such as dinner, b-day party, out with friends. Because of the age I am (43) I don't have to worry about the social pressures of drinking and the long sessions of being out. It's almost always a controlled amount of time. Don't drink more than 5 a week. Next is to drink only beer or wine. Never drink on Sundays or weekdays - I work and get up at 5 a.m. Eat before, during, or after. Choose two weeks during the month where I will not have any "special" occasions and if something comes up, I still only have an o'douls or diet coke. Make sure that everything in life stays more important than drink itself. Take Kudzu when these special occasions come up. Read over my plan daily for the first week, then once a week thereafter.

I know this is probably boring you to tears, but I just need to hear your comments. I shared this with my mom and dad who know of my struggles and they said their only concern is a possibility that a part of us is not controlled by discipline and accountability, and that kind of worries me to. But with the drink tracker, rules to follow, and a journal, my fire alarm should go off if some rule is broken. The consequence to follow would be abstinence.

Thanks for your input!

[Bambi]

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Hi j-vo,

You know it sounds like a great plan. One I have started many occasions, only to over drink and go off my plan many times...saying " oh just this once..."!

I am not here to tell you what to do. I only know from experience that it doesn't work for me unless I put a alot of effort into it...maybe too much. So just make sure that you go into this with a truly open and honest approach with yourself! Moderation works for a few but not for most!

Wishing you all the best.
Hugs, Bambi

[okydoky]

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Hi J-Vo,
CONGRATS on 65 days!

[Bambi]

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PS....yes, A Huge Congratulations on 65 days AF! That is a great accomplishment!

Take Care!

[boozehag]

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hello J -vo
You have described my mod plan almost to a t (except the counselling bit). I initially didnt expect to or even want to moderate I just wanted the AL monkey off my back permanently whatever it took. But once I had done my 90 day AF period and given up smoking too I thought that I could possibly moderate (smoking being the major binge drinking trigger for me) so I started out with similar mod goals to you and that was almost 4 months ago now. Now I dont even have to think about "the mod plan" - it just happens exactly like that. So from my own personal experience your mod plan is spot on. Let us know how you get on.
BH

[j-vo]

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Thanks to all of your encouraging words. Good advice, Bambi to be honest. I have a plan, but I also know we're human and mistakes are a part of it. I think it will take a lot of effort in the beginning, but hope that eventually it becomes second nature. It takes great effort to change any pattern of behavior. Okydoky - it was strange for me to see a therapist, and actually it still is a little. It's just nice knowing that on a consistent basis, I'm there for me, to get the help and support I need. Think about trying it. You've got nothing to lose and maybe something to gain. And BH, those are really encouraging words. That's what I need to hear- people can be successful at this type of thing. I'll keep you posted. Again, thanks so much.

[Sunbeam]

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Hi J-vo,
This sounds like a workable plan to me. But you may find that it needs to change along the way. Drink Tracker is a great tool. Your own might work, but I think posting here and talking to MWO friends about it is more powerful. Be sure to record honest drinks: 1 serving wine = 5 oz., 1 bottle = 5 glasses.

It has taken me awhile to get there, but I also am working toward being an occasional social drinker. For me, that means I don't drink during the week, and I also don't drink on some weekends. I initially did 2.5 months AF, and have been working out my moderation plan since then. I have never gone anywhere near back where I was when I started here, but there is a learning curve. I had to learn how to moderate by drinking moderately, not just thinking up a plan.

I wish you success. Join us on the LT moderation thread if you like - it is a great group!

[boozehag]

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J-vo
Come and join us on the long term mod weekly thread that we have just started if you want some more support and some kindred spirits (maybe not such a good choice of word!). There are always going to be some bumps along the road - I had a couple of close calls early on (drank on an empty stomach - danger danger!) in my mod days but I learnt my new boundaries from them and now I feel without those two "almost slips" back into the dark side I would not be quite so comfortable with where I am now. Now I am not frightened of it which I was when I was AF. If that makes any sense.
BH

[vera-b]

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Hi J-vo,

I think you stand a very good chance at successful modding because you have given it so much thoughtful consideration. Your "rules" are the end product of that soul searching. Some people, after an AF period, start modding because the drinking part of the brain has tricked them into thinking they don't really have a problem. They can "handle" it. Then, what often happens is that they slip back into old habits. This was my pattern before I found MWO. Dr. had put me on Campral, but found myself slipping back after a few months. But with time, the cd's, supps and lots of time spent here, the new habits started to take hold. I agree with your parents that we're not 100% wired for logic and discipline. And if the only tool in our chest was our willpower, we'd be sunk.

But with the MWO tools - retraining the brain with the cd's, physical weaning with the help of supps and/or meds, ongoing attention to diet and exercise, and the accountability and support we feel as a community we have so much more to help us. Be a regular. Share your stories, your good days and not-so-good. We'll hold you up when you need it, and ask for your help when we need you, too. Congratulations on your ab period, you're well on your way.

Vera-b

[DeeBee]

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J-Vo, Well done on 65 days AF! Great achievement!!

Your Mod Plan sounds similar to mine but more fine tuned than mine so don't mind if I steal some of your ideas.

Drinking alone, durning the week or on an empty tummy are huge no-no's for me.

I have only recently started to Mod so I am still vigilant and "aware" of my thoughts and decisions; I can't wait to get to where BH is where her modding come as second nature.

Come and join us in the Mod Squad Weekly thread, we are a great bunch of gals and (one) chap who have the same goal - to mod sucessfully.

[j-vo]

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To Sunbeam - I will consider the online drink tracker - then I can be accountable in two ways Thanks for the advice. BH - Need all the support I can get at this time and I am frightened at this point. It's new territory and change is always difficult as we all know. Vera B thanks for your support I appreciate it greatly. And DeeBee Glad I could help with some ideas. Steal away! And have a happy day everyone. - One more question. How long have you all been able to mod successfully?

[DeeBee]

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Hi J-vo,
I did 3 months modding when i first joined, then 2 months AF and now at the beginning of Oct I went mod again.
So it is still early days for me....

[Chief]

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J-vo,

I'm not a modder.....I can't mod. It would be insane for me to try.

I read your initial post on "long term Abs" thread......maybe you should read it again. It sounds like alcohol was causing you alot of pain, both physical and emotional.....

And now you have been AF for 65 days!.....that is a great accomplishment. You certainly must feel better, think clearer, enjoy your family more.....

And now you have come up with a pretty elaborate plan to somehow be able to drink and control it.......why?

Why is drinking that important to you? I just want you to think about your thinking....

I wish you luck......there are a few who can successfully mod, but there are only a few. I think there are far more who think they are, but if you are constantly thinking about when you can and cannot drink....how much....what can I drink...what can't I drink....keeping track of # of drinks....etc.......Is this really successful modding?

I'll probably get attacked by the "modders" here, but I just wanted to give you my thoughts....

Good luck....

Don

[j-vo]

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DeeBee - was it a plan for you to moderate then go with abstinence? Just curious. I'm going to build in 2 AF weeks a month. Chief - you have good questions and things to think about. I dug up my story and reread it. I'm going to do it again, because I think that's important to do and a great recommendation. Sometimes we like to forget how we got here and seem to want to let it go and "try" again. I guess it's not that drinking is so important to me. I just want to be able to enjoy a social drink once in a while on those special occasions. I never want to go back to those dark days, ever. And if I am monitoring myself and see the change in a pattern, I'm going to consider the abstinence again. I posted over in the long-term moderators and instead of retyping it, can you read it over there? Thanks. In reply to your last comment, yes, it's work - although I've never attempted modding this way. Thinking about all these things, tracking . . . maybe that's what'll take before it becomes more natural. It takes a lot of work to change a habit or any behavior. I'm going to try, but again, if I break any of my rules, I'm back to abstinence. I hope I'm not repeating myself or sound too defensive. Thanks for your thoughts.

[Sunbeam]

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Chief,
I can't imagine anyone on this site attacking you. You have given so much to all of us here - thanks!
It is very predictable that any new modeation poster will attract a post from someone who can't moderate. Just goes with the turf, I guess. You are offering your best advice, based on your own experience. What else can anyone expect?

j-vo, I've bee moderating since April. I started using Drink Tracker in July, which really enabled me to get a better picture of myself, and decide what I wanted to do. Drinking I think isn't all that great. I just want to be able to participate in this part of society on an occasional basis, in a moderate way. I don't want to endure the anguish recently posted here by Chief and others. If I want a couple of drinks, I can just have it, OCCASIONALLY. For me I know now that I am not going to fall into another pattern of heavy drinking or binge drinking. I will always need to remain vigilant regarding my alcohol consumption - I know that. It isn't a problem now, but it easily could be if I let my guard down.