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    #1

    Trust

    How do we regain trust.? It seems to be the biggest problem for me. So many things I cannot forget, so many things hurtful words I cannot forget. Because I own them, says my counselor.
    I know people with an alcoholic problem don't behave the way they do intentionally, the AL often speaks for them.
    But, the ones who are subject to those events don't black out, don't have the "convenience" of not remembering.
    Trust is destroyed and even all the love in the world cannot rebuild trust that easily. I can deal being supportive and changing myself to become a non co-dependent, but the big "T" word is not coming. So I am sad today and I am searching for ways to cope.
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    #2
    Trust

    Dear Waiting, I saw your post and asked my sweet love how he regained his trust for me.His reply was....THAT WAS THEN, THIS IS NOW.You are no longer being held prisoner by an addiction that caused you to do things that you not in your natural character.It wasn't you that I didn't trust, it was Al's influence on you .That brought tears to my eyes..
    sigpicEyes on the PRIZE, a SOBER Future !!!

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      #3
      Trust

      Waiting,

      I completely understand. My hubby has the same problem. He has often told me that it is so unfair that I don't remember the things I did when I was drunk. He had to suffer them, not me.

      I agree totally. In fact, I am sure that if I did remember the way I acted, it would be a huge incentive to never drink again!!

      Trust is hard but it comes back with time.

      Love,
      Cinders
      AF April 9, 2016

      Comment

        #4
        Trust

        Cinders;448836 wrote: Waiting,

        I completely understand. My hubby has the same problem. He has often told me that it is so unfair that I don't remember the things I did when I was drunk. He had to suffer them, not me.

        I agree totally. In fact, I am sure that if I did remember the way I acted, it would be a huge incentive to never drink again!!

        Trust is hard but it comes back with time.

        Love,
        Cinders
        DITTO
        :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
        best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

        Comment

          #5
          Trust

          Thank you. Posting feelings is one way to regain control of emotions and thoughts. What bounces back are virtual hugs.

          Comment

            #6
            Trust

            Like Cindi said--trust is hard, but it comes back with time. After I divorced my alcoholic husband (many years ago) it took me a very long time to trust ANYBODY again. Not loyalty, fidelity trust. Trusting what was said to me and being able to believe in men again.
            Even though it was over 25 years ago, I remember that part quite well.
            You guys are doing great though--hang in there!! Sound like he's lucky to have such a supportive wife!:h
            _______________
            NF since June 1, 2008
            AF since September 28, 2008
            DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
            _____________
            :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
            5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
            _______________
            The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

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              #7
              Trust

              Cinders;448836 wrote: In fact, I am sure that if I did remember the way I acted, it would be a huge incentive to never drink again!!
              It mightn't be. Once in a fit of desperation and inspired by The Simpson's episode where Barney watches his birthday video and is so disgusted with himself he gets sober I filmed my husband when he was having one of his particularly CRAZY drunken bouts. The next day I asked him to watch it and he was so upset and disturbed by all the crap I was having to live through that he didn't even remember, that he went out as soon as possible and .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .............................................drank enough to blot it out.

              Comment

                #8
                Trust

                I'm sorry to hear your husband reacted that way, but it's really not surprising. I wasn't one to completely forget what I had done. While many things were fuzzy around the edges, I knew I was doing crazy stuff, dangerous stuff, embarrassing stuff. But I kept drinking anyway. I had to really really want sobriety badly to even have a chance at it. And even then, I struggled with relapse (even though I wanted to be sober) and treat it as a one day at a time decision even now.

                Unfortunately, there is probably not much you can do to convince your husband to quit drinking. He will probably have to come to that decision on his own. Mean time, there are a lot of good articles and insights on this web site: Spiritual River | How to Stop Drinking Alcohol and Get the Addiction Help You Need You might find the information helpful in understanding what may be going on with him, and also get some ideas on what you CAN do. Alanon is another good resource for you.

                I wish you the best. Your position is not an easy one.

                DG
                Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

                One day at a time.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Trust

                  Doggygirl;990327 wrote:

                  I wish you the best. Your position is not an easy one.
                  Thanks but he is an awful lot better now. Not quite 100% where either of us really want him to be just yet but very nearly there.

                  For me the trust thing is weird. I think I'm part puppy. I'm just so eager to move on with our lives that I keep trusting and each time that he's crushed me and I feel like I don't know how I'll ever trust him again by the next day I already feel it ready and waiting for me to let it back in.

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                    #10
                    Trust

                    Trusting an active alcoholic is futile. :l:l

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