Tuesday Oct 28

[on my way]

Good day all,


I wanted to mention something I have been thinking a lot about lately; newbie?s and slips. When I started this program, I slipped and slipped a lot. Everyone else I know with any significant time of sobriety has done the same. It is not easy to change a behavior, especially if that behavior is an addiction. For many of us our lives have been built around al. Our spouses enjoy al. Some spouses need help too and booze is nearly impossible to avoid.

I can?t tell you how many bottles I?ve dumped down the drain just to go buy another one a few days later. I can tell you that as I have massed sober days I feel better. I look better and my life is changing for the better. My personal relationships are improving and life is moving in a direction I like. Since last March, I have learned a ton of helpful information from this site. I will mention a bit of it and am hoping some of the others can do the same. I consider this life saving stuff.

Write down stuff like;

The reason/s you want to be al free.
How bad physically and mentally you feel after an adventure with al. (be graphic)
A list of your favorite al free drinks.
Triggers that make you want to drink and be aware of them.
There are so many more?.. When I am tempted to drink, I look at the list?I look at it a lot.

Have a weekend plan, I always plan my weekend so it does not include al.
Exercise
New hobby

Sort out you mental/emotional baggage. (not an easy one)

There are some many more tools you can use. I know the other regulars here can help with the list as I have learned so much from them.

If you are a newbie and are struggling, do not give up. If you have a slip, keep trying, it can be done. If you haven?t done so, read the book. You can get help here and can help others too; this site makes it a little easier. You are always welcome here.

n

[Mackeral]

Tuesday Oct 28

Hiya N,

Nice strong posative thread to read for me starting my journey...I have everything fresh in my head at the moment that i need to do...But as the next few days wear on...I think i am gonna have to make that list to refer back to...So...Excellent tip of the day in my opinion..Thankyou
My goal is complete abs forever...The word forever used to scare the life of me..But as i read on another thread a few days back..A drinking problem soon becomes a thinking problem...And that crops up everyday in my thoughts..

Plan on being here quite a bit now..I need to be around people who know what im going through...And i promise, i will try not to piss and moan too much

Have a great day all..

Love Macks:l

[A Work in Progress]

Tuesday Oct 28

That's a great post, OMW! And, wonderful to hear from you, Mack... why not make it a commitment to write out those lists today? At least, get started on them; they can become an ongoing project, as you remember new things to add. It's a VERY helpful process to go through, and it becomes an ENORMOUSLY helpful ongoing recovery tool!

For me, what stands out most on my own list of what it has been like when I have decided it's OK to drink, is the shame and despair that I feel. They are much worse than the nausea, headache, etc. And those emotional after-effects (hopelessness, self-hatred) are responsible for so many suicides among people who are alcohol dependent; my own father killed himself, and I know that my drinking patterns are similar to his. I can NEVER go back there.

OK, it's getting colder out there... and the morning is moving along. I need to get ready to go to work, everyone have a good day, OK?

wip

[charlee]

Tuesday Oct 28

OMW
Great topic today......
Over the 25+ years, I spent wasting my life, I knew this time had to be different. I played all the games, dumped, restarted, tried smaller glasses, starting later in the day, switching from the hard stuff to wine....I was running out of restarts.....After finding this site, I spent months just reading (and drinking). One of the common threads was the slips and restarts. I came to the ugly conclusion that for me until I admitted and was really honest with myself I had made AL the most important thing in my life, until I surrendered knowing that AL was and alway will coming out the winner, and most importantly until I decided that a commitment to stop would be the hardest for me knowing the obstacles that would come before me and could I not turn to the drink at every hurdle....It took me months to get there. I was mad, I was angry, I was scared.......I took the AF plunge
We start with an empty toolbox, and little by little we add those tools..... I am still adding tools....Those tools slowly become a way of life. I know it can be overwhelming for someone just starting out...It takes alot of patience, and alot of self-talk.......I do not know what tommorow has is store for me, none of us do.....The days add up, we get stronger, life gets better, and we all have a place to come to when the going gets tough.......

[retteacher]

Tuesday Oct 28

OMW: What a wonderful start today! I'm going out soon, but I feel I must post. Yes, the psychological aftermath of drinking is worse than the physical hangover. "I've disappointed myself again." That said: I vowed that I would never, ever give up trying to be AF. Yes, I spent a good many months in the beginning of my membership here at MWO trying to mod. I too switched from hard to wine, changed the time I would begin drinking, tried to limit the number of drinks, etc.: All to no avail. Now, I know that if I drink, I'm going against my recovery program...there is no mod for me...only abs.

Triggers? It can be almost anything but mostly anxiety. People coming to my home for dinner...I want a drink. Nervous about a very full schedule...I want a drink. The people around me in a bad mood or disappointed about something...I want a drink. You get the picture. I'm finding that all things pass. If I can put off the drink, the need for it passes.

I'll come back later to this thread. Again OMW, thank you.

Mary

[LVT25]

Tuesday Oct 28

Hello everyone!

On My Way, great topic this morning. I hope you don't mind if I add another one!
I was picking up laundry in my son's room and found an unopened Budwieser under his bed. He is 14. I guess my fun is just beginning. I'm glad he didn't drink it (he said he was just curious as to what it tastes like) and I'm kinda glad it happened. Now he knows we do not take this lightly. I know kids will be kids, and it's just human nature to want to do the things that we're not suppose to. It just sucks that AL is so glamorized and is such a huge part of our society. My kids have been around drinking all their lives--but not seen a lot of drunkenness. They don't even realize their dad is liquored when he lectures them in such a loud voice. I remember once my son asked me if I'd ever been drunk, and I had already been that way many times around him.
Of course he asked me how old I was when I first tried beer. I was probably younger than him, but as I explained to him, no one talked to us about it back then. We knew it was wrong, but we didn't have drug education in the schools, in the media or not very much at home. My mom had a pretty rotten childhood because of her alcoholic father-so she hated talking about it. --Anyway, I also explained to my son how I wanted him to make better choices than I had, that alcohol is over rated, and how much I had learned about how bad it is for you--especially at a young age when your brain and organs are still developing.
I was curious about hubby's reaction. He was upset, but he didn't fly off the handle. I'm not real sure what's going on in his head either. There was some comment about this driving me to drink, and I think he wanted me to have a beer with him--but that wasn't even an option!!!
I'm so glad I got sober when I did! My kids need a clear-headed role model now more than ever!
Thanks for letting me share my experience here--didn't really want to start a thread about it.
And--here's to you Mack!!! You can do this!!:h

[Cinders]

Tuesday Oct 28

Wonderful thread today!! Thank you, everyone.

I keep adding to my toolbox, too.

But the biggest tool I use is the one Mary aludes to, the think about a drink comes, hold it off, just accept it is there and it passes. Simply, do not act on the think. Is it hard? Yes and No. What helps me hold it off and let is pass is what Charlee aludes to, commitment. A drink is not an option.

Thank you. We need to keep these things fresh in our minds or we do slip. If we let life overwhelm us and do not use our tools, alcohol automatically becomes the "tool." We used that tool a long time and need to learn to use the others. After a while, I am quite sure, the use of alcohol as a tool will become less and less a thought, and the other tools will become more automatic.

Then, what we must deal with is what the long term AFers have talked about, the out of nowhere thought that hits hard because you are not expecting it.

What I love about MWO is that we have others who have gone before us and have shared their experiences so that when something hits us, we already know what it is and are not shocked by the experience.

Everyone, have a great AF day. I, too, know my sobriety is so much better than my drunken life. So, I will use my other tools today and get better and better at using them with each passing day.

With love and gratefulness for my friends here,
Cindi

[Cinders]

Tuesday Oct 28

LVT,

I am glad you are sober now, too. I truly wish I had not drank around my children. Both of my children are alcoholics. It breaks my heart.

You handled the situation very well, mama. Good on you!!

Love,
Cindi

[on my way]

Tuesday Oct 28

LVT, sure is hard to know how to handle those situations, we have kids the same age and I have not had to cross that one yet....good for you handling it with a cool head.
My kids have asked me the same thing "have you ever been drunk" sadly I was probably drunk when asked.


All; I think I am going to start a toolbox thread. I don’t think it will matter to me if I am sober 3 hours, days months or years. I am always learning something from you all and greatly appreciate anything helpful I glean from you.

n

[charlee]

Tuesday Oct 28

I was outside yesterday at work and overheard a conversation by a group of 3 20somethings regarding a weekend event...They were talking about how they partied hardy into the night, the amount of alcohol that was consumed, the crazy (but not dangerous) stuff that went on and how they all woke up the next day feeling like crap.....they were laughing and joking......they had a real good time. I do not know these kids, but for the sake of this converstion I am going to assume they do not have ongoing problems with AL..... Kids having a fun Sat. night, leaving it behind them and getting on with their lives, possibly not doing this again for a long time, or maybe never.........It made me smile, because they were able to have fun with AL and leave it behind.....My drinking was just a continual roll of the calendar......day, week month.....my drinking was not "fun" anymore!!.....

[pepper]

Tuesday Oct 28

Hi fellow abbers,

I really like the toolbox thread as well. I find it scary to think about getting through the holidays as I am in what I guess you would call "early recovery"...I'm on day 24 AF today. I hope to read and re-read the toolbox thread and have faith that will get me through. Right now I'm dealing with the stinking thinking that is telling me maybe I can just stop after a couple of beers, maybe things with AL aren't so bad. I know in my mind that it is that bad and I can't stop after only a couple most all the time, but my mind tries to convince me otherwise at times...what's up with that?!

Anyway it's a beautiful day in the mile high city today. Hope you all are well!
Pepper

[Determinator]

Tuesday Oct 28

top of the morning ABerooonies far and wide!

OMW thank you for the fantastic start today, and thanks everyone for the great heartfelt input. Really making me smile here.

and Macks! wow great to have you back as a regular mate!

had a working dinner last night with one of the manufacturers we buy from at my biz. he drank 3 lite beers and I had 2 odouls. all was good and the anxiety level stayed low for me which is a big breakthrough. Over the last few months I KNOW I can stay AF in a tough spot but steel feel the strain in doing so, but now even that strain is easing quite a bit. whew!

Pepper, congrats on the AF time! you should be starting to sleep like a baby eh?

I think the reason I finally have been able to be AF is a combination of great things I have learned here combined with a healthy dose of absolute self disgust (arg!). But what really finally snapped me into reality was two things: the look of pain in my dear wifes eyes. and secondly the feeling of going insane. My drinking was causing me to lose my mind. The feeling of insanities roots crawling through my mind became so frightening I cannot even describe it.
well, the good news is I'm on day 265 and feeling like a million bucks. whew!
If I can do it you most certainly can as well.

be well my friends

[on my way]

Tuesday Oct 28

Det, nicely done on the days!!!!

I can relate to the loss of mind :-(

as each day goes by, I feel I am gaining a fair measure of sanity back. Now that's one for the

what I love about sobriety thread

[caysea]

Tuesday Oct 28

Hi All
This is the type of discussion that is so helpful.Tools for the beginning and the different stages of recovery.I pm a member about a site that has some very helpful tools smart recovery . In my fight with this problem I am finding the more tools I have the more I am successful.Be it this site AA smart recovery or any other place to gain info, it is out their . The more we read about others experiences the better prepared we will be.
It still comes down to the commitment .You can have all the tools in the world but if you don't commit to not drink they are of no help.Never forget this is a fight for your life.I can say I am enjoying my sober lifestyle and will not give it up to be a prisoner again.

Det way to go !! Thanks for showing us the way

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[Cinders]

Tuesday Oct 28

Caysea,

I so agree with this being a true fight for our lives. I, too, have suffered the "insanity" from drinking, as well as the physical symptoms of liver problems, kidney problems, anxiety and even suicidal thoughts.

To help me drive this home, I view this as the same kind of effort my brother has with diabetes. He must take insulin several times a day, several times a day check his blood sugar, and always be careful of what he eats and drinks. He is committed to living. I figure I will be, too!!

Commitment is tantamount. It must be part of the initial/ongoing process.

Det, you are such an inspiration to me, personally, and have always been there when I needed you so desperately. Dx, too. Thank you both for being here. :l

Love,
Cindi