Hello everyone
Well, I have been lurking around this site and now I have decided it's probably about time I tell my story.
How to begin? Well, I guess I will introduce myself. My name is Jen, I am 29 and I am a lawyer in Canada. But I have never felt secure or comfortable in my own skin. People say to me "but you have made it! You are a success!"
It doesn't matter. I have never felt good enough.
When I went through school, I was teased mercilessly (public school) because by grade 3 I had braces, glasses and a bowl hair cut (I am a girl, it was not cute). I remember always wanting to fit in. A good day for me was a day when I was not teased or made fun of. I was miserable and had absolutely no self esteem whatsoever.
By the time I got to high school, I wasen't quite so awkward but I was still insecure. Then I found a group of friends who were really fun - and they were well known and liked. I finally fit in somewhere. These people were real partiers. By the time I was 17, I had already established my love affair with the bottle. I started out and became known as the rum and coke girl. I always drank rum and coke. In fact, I remember being at a bon fire and tripping over a log and landing on my face, but I was proud because my cup with the rum and coke was still upright and not a drop had spilled! What an accomplishent!
The summer I was 17 is a blur. I dont remember much of it.
And it has pretty well continued like this since then, though there have been periods of less consumptoin and more consumption.
I have always surrounded myself with people like me - problem drinkers, partiers. I have not achieved any type of absteince since aged 17 for more than a few days. In the last 10 years, I think the longest I have gone is 2 (and I was NOT happy). Now, I drink wine, vodka, beer - whatever I can get. I have nights where I have too much and nights I am okay but the obsession and compulsion is ALWAYS there. I want to learn to be moderate. I dont know about abstinence right now. I have tried the AA thing and just didn't relate. I feel shy, nervous and insecure in social settings with out a drink in my hand.
I have a wonderful, loving boyfriend who I want to marry (and he wants to marry me) but he is concerned that my drinking might effect us or any future children. I am tired of living this way and wish I could be more like him when it comes to alcohol. (He can more or less take it or leave it, though he will overindulge once in a while). I have hopes that this program works. I, however, can't get a prescription for Topa (as far as I am aware) becasue I am in Canada. I am not ready for total abstinence. Does anyone have advice? I can order the supps, the CDs and the book but I am concerned that they will not be overly effective without the meds.
Anyways, thats it for now. I would welcome any comments.
Thanks
Well, I have been lurking around this site and now I have decided it's probably about time I tell my story.
How to begin? Well, I guess I will introduce myself. My name is Jen, I am 29 and I am a lawyer in Canada. But I have never felt secure or comfortable in my own skin. People say to me "but you have made it! You are a success!"
It doesn't matter. I have never felt good enough.
When I went through school, I was teased mercilessly (public school) because by grade 3 I had braces, glasses and a bowl hair cut (I am a girl, it was not cute). I remember always wanting to fit in. A good day for me was a day when I was not teased or made fun of. I was miserable and had absolutely no self esteem whatsoever.
By the time I got to high school, I wasen't quite so awkward but I was still insecure. Then I found a group of friends who were really fun - and they were well known and liked. I finally fit in somewhere. These people were real partiers. By the time I was 17, I had already established my love affair with the bottle. I started out and became known as the rum and coke girl. I always drank rum and coke. In fact, I remember being at a bon fire and tripping over a log and landing on my face, but I was proud because my cup with the rum and coke was still upright and not a drop had spilled! What an accomplishent!
The summer I was 17 is a blur. I dont remember much of it.
And it has pretty well continued like this since then, though there have been periods of less consumptoin and more consumption.
I have always surrounded myself with people like me - problem drinkers, partiers. I have not achieved any type of absteince since aged 17 for more than a few days. In the last 10 years, I think the longest I have gone is 2 (and I was NOT happy). Now, I drink wine, vodka, beer - whatever I can get. I have nights where I have too much and nights I am okay but the obsession and compulsion is ALWAYS there. I want to learn to be moderate. I dont know about abstinence right now. I have tried the AA thing and just didn't relate. I feel shy, nervous and insecure in social settings with out a drink in my hand.
I have a wonderful, loving boyfriend who I want to marry (and he wants to marry me) but he is concerned that my drinking might effect us or any future children. I am tired of living this way and wish I could be more like him when it comes to alcohol. (He can more or less take it or leave it, though he will overindulge once in a while). I have hopes that this program works. I, however, can't get a prescription for Topa (as far as I am aware) becasue I am in Canada. I am not ready for total abstinence. Does anyone have advice? I can order the supps, the CDs and the book but I am concerned that they will not be overly effective without the meds.
Anyways, thats it for now. I would welcome any comments.
Thanks
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