Dont know why I'm doing this but the urge has taken me....
first time I came here 6 months ago I wrote a pathetic blurb which hardly reflected anything of my potential and only blurted out my frustration and depression... and didnt do that very well either.
For the next two weeks after I found this site I hid in the background.. reading.. amased.. terrified. Then I had to find out the logistics of what went on here.. I mean.. were these people who sounded like me REAL? was I really not alone.. and then how do I communicate with these people.. communicating with them makes me feel like I'm admitting something I've struggled admitting.. so I did it incognito.. testing the waters.. seeing who responded and trying to work out my response.. still feeling guilty because I'm still in hiding.. ashamed.
On top of that I decide to go cold turkey abstinent. Discussions ensued about my decision to go without meds.. people tried to disuade me and being obstinate like I am I just resisted.. boy it was hard.. tough does not describe it... and my confidence started to grow.
but then feelings would come in that would surprise me. I'd be so strong and wham, I'd feel weak. I'd come to this site and read and reflect for hours.. I knew EVERY post on the site.. I must have read them 1000 times.
Time was something that helped me.. over time I stopped being so surprised at being another day sober and I sort of started to accept that I WOULD be sober that night. That was when I decided to tell my husband what I thought I'd been hiding for so long. Another agony for me to share on the board.. people supported me.. but once again.. I just had to take the bull by the horns and just do it.. and immediately afterwards.. here I came to share the story.
I never thought I'd make 6 weeks.. but I did.. then I doubted I could make three months.. but I did.. and now I'm at 6 months and I know I can make a year. What a difference a day makes!!!! cos it happened a day at a time.
Im still not sure I'll ever do moderation.. but my story has changed since I came here and I encourage anyone who wants to change to read read read and to listen to their own heart and make the change..
boy its worth it.
Brigid
first time I came here 6 months ago I wrote a pathetic blurb which hardly reflected anything of my potential and only blurted out my frustration and depression... and didnt do that very well either.
For the next two weeks after I found this site I hid in the background.. reading.. amased.. terrified. Then I had to find out the logistics of what went on here.. I mean.. were these people who sounded like me REAL? was I really not alone.. and then how do I communicate with these people.. communicating with them makes me feel like I'm admitting something I've struggled admitting.. so I did it incognito.. testing the waters.. seeing who responded and trying to work out my response.. still feeling guilty because I'm still in hiding.. ashamed.
On top of that I decide to go cold turkey abstinent. Discussions ensued about my decision to go without meds.. people tried to disuade me and being obstinate like I am I just resisted.. boy it was hard.. tough does not describe it... and my confidence started to grow.
but then feelings would come in that would surprise me. I'd be so strong and wham, I'd feel weak. I'd come to this site and read and reflect for hours.. I knew EVERY post on the site.. I must have read them 1000 times.
Time was something that helped me.. over time I stopped being so surprised at being another day sober and I sort of started to accept that I WOULD be sober that night. That was when I decided to tell my husband what I thought I'd been hiding for so long. Another agony for me to share on the board.. people supported me.. but once again.. I just had to take the bull by the horns and just do it.. and immediately afterwards.. here I came to share the story.
I never thought I'd make 6 weeks.. but I did.. then I doubted I could make three months.. but I did.. and now I'm at 6 months and I know I can make a year. What a difference a day makes!!!! cos it happened a day at a time.
Im still not sure I'll ever do moderation.. but my story has changed since I came here and I encourage anyone who wants to change to read read read and to listen to their own heart and make the change..
boy its worth it.
Brigid
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