Hi I now have all the cds, books and supps. I was so glad when I found this site & could relate to many people. So why haven't I finished the book, listened to the tapes and taken the supps? I am a women who turns 50 in september this year, I have 3 children & 3 stepchildren & 6 grandkids who are the light of my life!!!! but now I am afraid of change.........
I never drank when I was young, my dad was an alcoholic and mum spent all her energy on trying to get dad to stop. He never drank at home but would come home from the pub in a mean mood. He would pick a child (usually me)while we were sitting at the table to disipline (wrong spelling i know). I was a sickly asthmatic who twitched, had bitten nails and generally not something he was proud of. You were not allowed to cry and just had to sit there while he told you his list of faults that you had. I still have trouble letting go to have a good cry. I think I suffered depression all my childhood. I often felt everybody else had a script to follow and I was flying blind, I never could really see the point in life (until I had children that is) He was a control freak & needed to pick on kids to feel better, needless to say I got pregnant at 17 & got married so by the time I was 19 I had 2 children. Meantime dad got sober with AA & I still remember the time he approached me to say sorry (its something AA tells them to do) I was so angry with him for even thinking that I could forgive him!!! I hated him so much. My husband drank socially sometimes too much sometimes not at all but we lived with his parents who drank religously form 3 o'clock everyday, so my mother-in-law would invite me to have a drink with her after I had put the kids to bed. I loved it then but still could take it or leave it. Meanwhile my sister was diagnosed scyserfrnic??? brought on by drinking too much while smoking dope. My baby brother started on dope and then progresses to herion. We lost him from an overdose when he was 24yrs old. I was deverstated and drank solidly for 1 year. I ended up in hospital and quit drinking for a while. When do you pass the point of no return? It seems I got to that point when I started a new job where everybody drank together after work. I have always had trouble making friends and alcohol gave me courage. Meanwhile my marriage broke up, my youngest daughter went to live with her father and so I felt all my worth was gone. I had tied my worth up to how much I was loved by my family and they didn't love me then:x
Meanwhile after 1 year I met a man (my current husband) he was a wild man & so much fun and very popular so ended up with many friends (not true friends I now know). I didn't notice I had a problem until hubby decided to not drink for a while to get healthy and lose weight. I was beside myself trying to work out ways to get him to drink. I used to drink while cooking by hiding the glass in the laundry cupboard and rushing out to take gulps, I would smuggle a beer in the bathroom and guzzle it down as fast as possible and I would not remember what I did the night before or what I had said except an ugly 3some with his exgirlfriend now that was a night (always remember sexual fantasy are just that!) That is something I would have never ever done except for the poison I regulary take:evil . I have taken risks by refusing to go home when my husband wants to and have stayed out by myself. I am now frightened of me, what I will do, what I could do and also what I have done. I want to change but am frightened of change. My husband has loved me through all of this, I know he wants me to stop but knows I have to work this out for myself. This morning he said he didn't want to hear promises but wanted to see action! I agree so thats why I decided to tell my story today and I will finish the book tonight. I haven't checked the spelling, so please forgive.
Regards,
Sharyn from Australia
I never drank when I was young, my dad was an alcoholic and mum spent all her energy on trying to get dad to stop. He never drank at home but would come home from the pub in a mean mood. He would pick a child (usually me)while we were sitting at the table to disipline (wrong spelling i know). I was a sickly asthmatic who twitched, had bitten nails and generally not something he was proud of. You were not allowed to cry and just had to sit there while he told you his list of faults that you had. I still have trouble letting go to have a good cry. I think I suffered depression all my childhood. I often felt everybody else had a script to follow and I was flying blind, I never could really see the point in life (until I had children that is) He was a control freak & needed to pick on kids to feel better, needless to say I got pregnant at 17 & got married so by the time I was 19 I had 2 children. Meantime dad got sober with AA & I still remember the time he approached me to say sorry (its something AA tells them to do) I was so angry with him for even thinking that I could forgive him!!! I hated him so much. My husband drank socially sometimes too much sometimes not at all but we lived with his parents who drank religously form 3 o'clock everyday, so my mother-in-law would invite me to have a drink with her after I had put the kids to bed. I loved it then but still could take it or leave it. Meanwhile my sister was diagnosed scyserfrnic??? brought on by drinking too much while smoking dope. My baby brother started on dope and then progresses to herion. We lost him from an overdose when he was 24yrs old. I was deverstated and drank solidly for 1 year. I ended up in hospital and quit drinking for a while. When do you pass the point of no return? It seems I got to that point when I started a new job where everybody drank together after work. I have always had trouble making friends and alcohol gave me courage. Meanwhile my marriage broke up, my youngest daughter went to live with her father and so I felt all my worth was gone. I had tied my worth up to how much I was loved by my family and they didn't love me then:x
Meanwhile after 1 year I met a man (my current husband) he was a wild man & so much fun and very popular so ended up with many friends (not true friends I now know). I didn't notice I had a problem until hubby decided to not drink for a while to get healthy and lose weight. I was beside myself trying to work out ways to get him to drink. I used to drink while cooking by hiding the glass in the laundry cupboard and rushing out to take gulps, I would smuggle a beer in the bathroom and guzzle it down as fast as possible and I would not remember what I did the night before or what I had said except an ugly 3some with his exgirlfriend now that was a night (always remember sexual fantasy are just that!) That is something I would have never ever done except for the poison I regulary take:evil . I have taken risks by refusing to go home when my husband wants to and have stayed out by myself. I am now frightened of me, what I will do, what I could do and also what I have done. I want to change but am frightened of change. My husband has loved me through all of this, I know he wants me to stop but knows I have to work this out for myself. This morning he said he didn't want to hear promises but wanted to see action! I agree so thats why I decided to tell my story today and I will finish the book tonight. I haven't checked the spelling, so please forgive.
Regards,
Sharyn from Australia
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